My friend/love interest used me to impress another guy and I don't know how to go on.

[emptybox]

For context, I've been friends with this girl for about two years, and it's complicated to say the least. I think we both cought feelings for each other at some point, but somehow it never worked out. By the time I was ready to clumsily confess, she was already starting her next relationship and naturally rejected me. We promised to stay friends, but we never mananged to have a proper talk. Mainly because I'm shy and felt insecure when the topic came up. But I also see some fault in her, because we didn't speak for weeks and then she expected me to open up spontaneously.

She's been single again for a few months now, and we've started seeing each other more often again. We've never called it a “date”, but judging by the deep talk, shared drinks and long hugs, it often felt like one, and I wouldn't be opposed to it. But it would also be fine if we maintained a close friendship.

Last week we took part in a music festival, where you could also offer activities yourself. She wanted to set something up and asked me if I would like to support her. I liked the idea and agreed. I invested a lot of time, even some money and lent her my car. Of course, she did most of the work because it was her idea, but I think I contributed my fair share.

After everything was set up, we shared a beer and stayed there for a while. Then she excused herself and didn't come back. She left me standing there alone for at least two hours. I couldn't just leave either, because we had brought a lot of things with us. I even asked the crew, but nobody knew what had happened. I am certain that I saw her briefly, cuddling with someone on a bench backstage.

When she finally came back, she saw my disappointment. But instead of talking to me, she just said I should go get drunk and have fun. Because it was already getting late, I decided to stay and pack the car instead. I was always friendly and didn't snap at her. She promised to stay with me for the rest of the evening, we grabbed the last drinks and danced to the last songs. But the atmosphere was strange and she seemed distant, distracted, maybe even sad?

Then she disappeared again. I found her with a guy behind a tent, standing close and talking eye to eye. I recognized him immediately. She introduced us a couple of weeks ago. They recently met at another event, he started his own company, and she seemed really impressed by him...

I couldn't stand being there anymore. I fetched her bag and asked her several times if she would get home safely. She said yes, and said she would fix this and it didn't work out with him anyways. Then I left, on foot, I needed to get away.

The next day I felt completely numb. In the evening, I brought her things over from the car because I had to drive the next day. We exchanged a few sad looks and a distant hug, but nobody said much. She said she would get back to me later, but she never did.

Here's the thing: She is an attractive woman and will obviously end up in a relationship again, probably sooner than later. If I want to stay friends with her and I'm not the man she is interested in, that is for me to deal with.

But regardless, I feel completely taken advantage of. I have the feeling she only took part in this event, to show this enterpreneur guy that she can pull off cool projects too. I feel like she took advantage of my attention and resources. I feel like she tried to hide all of this from me and would have preferred me to not be there at all.
Even if you leave all hurt feelings out of it. I don't think it's right to just abandon your friend for hours without saying anything, while you're both hosting on a public event.

I don't know how to deal with this. I feel deeply hurt and used. But at the same time, I feel terrible because I had to leave her with all her stuff. She probably feels like I dumped her.
I know she's been having a hard time since her breakup, and I promised myself I want to be there for her. But this isn't the first time I've felt taken advantage of, or she doesn't speak to me for days. So now what, how to save this mess?

[Gebidozo]

If you let people take advantage of you, they will take advantage of you.

She isn’t interested in you romantically and she isn’t a good friend.

Why do you still want to be close to her? Why are you still thinking of helping her?

You should end this unhealthy, unnatural connection once and for all.

Stop pursuing her, stop pretending to be her friend while having romantic thoughts about her. And stop believing that she is your friend.

Friendships never, ever work when one of the sides has romantic feelings for the other.

In the future, please don’t pursue unavailable women.

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, emptybox said:

I don't think it's right to just abandon your friend for hours without saying anything,

This was insanely rude of her. 

Look man, this woman is not your friend. She doesn't give a crap at all, actually. Her horrible behaviour at this event proves it. I would not have anything further to do with someone who treated me this way. You need to start asking yourself where your boundaries and self-respect are. She apparently wipes her feet on you and you have let her do so. 

You need to cut this person off.