Dumped 12 hours before move

[risingthemoon]

Hello, I am new here. I am a woman in my mid-twenties and, up until four days ago, was dating a European for just about two years. I will try to make this as short as possible but with all relevant information.

We knew each other through an online friend group of musicians. He pursued me, kept reaching out to me, and eventually I caved and we started talking on the phone and video calling. There was instantly a spark, we spoke very frequently, and it was obvious there was interest. I confessed that I had feelings for him around 2 months into talking, but he made it clear that he wasn't sure where he stood romantically with me and did not want to commit to anything before meeting first. We made plans for him to fly to the states so we could meet and go on a 2-week long road trip together and see if we were a good fit romantically.

That meet ended extremely well, and it was clear that we were an item even after he left. About four months after dating, he said 'I love you' and things felt serious after this. We continued to meet each other, travel the world together, become enmeshed in each other's families and friend groups. Everyone around us was very happy and it was obvious that our close circles thought that this would be it and we would be together for the long-term. 

Not only were we a great couple, we were best friends. We had a couple bad arguments, bickered occasionally, but it was never anything that was relationship ending; we are both very stubborn and tend to squabble, but it always gets resolved quickly and we adapted to our small differences, made compromises, and were generally very understanding of what each other needed. The only thing I was ever wary of was his reluctance to talk about our future together, such as possibly getting engaged, but he never had an issue alluding to having children together. He told me he was "afraid of that stuff" which I understood, and backed off from the one time I asked. This might be relevant. 

As of around a year ago, we made the decision for me to move over to him due to the logistics, such as starting my graduate program there, getting on with many more friends there than I have here in the states, and having a big support group as a whole. My family was happy for me, his family was excited to have me, so much so that they went ahead and bought us a house for us to live in together (they are incredibly wealthy). Both him and I were excited and started the process for me to obtain my visa. 

Two weeks ago, I received my visa, which was my okay to move. By that point I had already started the moving process at my apartment and, now, really started to move. I got rid of everything: my furniture, my bed, my kitchen wares, my car, everything except for clothes and small hobby items that would fit in three suitcases, which my now ex was happy to help with monetarily. I also shipped two large boxes of very expensive collections to the new house, which was very expensive and covered by me happily. I also went through the process to bring my cat over, which is a bit tedious to do, but everything was going very smoothly and I was set to depart on 12/06.

We were excited and talking about what we would do and when, like seeing a movie in theaters, him purchasing a litterbox and other pet supplies, grocery shopping. Despite the talks, I could see that he was not as affectionate as usual, but he said he wasn't sure what I was talking about. I was a bit on edge and stressed from the move, which caused some small bickering from my end, but I was apologetic.

On the night of 12/05, 12 hours before I was set to leave, I received a text that said "[I] should not come to Sweden" and to "call as soon as [I] can". When I called him, he sounded upset and as if he were crying, but wouldn't really say anything. I was incredibly anxious and scared, so I asked if he was breaking up with me, and he said yes. We had a short 20 minute phone call where he told me that our "two significant fights" were deal-breaking and that his friends and family said that he should do this, that he would not reconsider, and that I cannot come. He had apparently been "racking [his] brain" about [if we should breakup] for this past week, and was apparently going to wait until I got to the airport but was convinced not to by his parents. 

To say I was devastated is an understatement. It felt, and still feels, unreal and like a big joke. Not even three hours after, I received an email from a family member that they were voiding the visa and notifying the necessary authorities, and offered me compensation for my travel, which was not a thoughtful amount. 

I texted him and asked him to please talk it out with me, to reconsider. We texted the following day, the day I was supposed to leave, wherein he told me that he was actually breaking up with me because he "was never in love with me" despite loving me and caring for me deeply. he said he was trying to hoodwink himself the entirety of the relationship, hoping it would go away or fix itself, but it didn't. I tried to contest it, but he wouldn't engage with my rebuttal. I also told him that I don't want his money, but the offer and email was cold and thoughtless. He responded that he would see what he could do and that he would make sure to send the stuff I shipped back.

I don't really know what to believe if this is true or if he just got cold feet, but this is probably been the absolute worst thing that has ever happened to me. I have been left destitute and without any of my things except for my cat, both of us are now restrained to living in a very tiny room with my large family for the time being, as I am now without funds to move again.

I've not heard anything from his parents, not even reaching out to see how I'm doing, which is incredibly surprising and unlike them. My life is ruined at the moment and I am lost, hopeless, and feeling like I have nothing to live for. I want to say I would take him back in a heartbeat, but I know what he did is too cruel to forgive, and I know he won't want me back anyway.

I need guidance, advice, or thoughts about this. I do not have a large support group here, but I do have my family. I just want my old life back, but I can never have it again. 

[S2B]

Wow, what a douche bag.

at least you know now he isn’t the guy who keeps his word and you can’t depend on him.

im sorry for your pain.

i would block him and never speak to him again. Thats a whole lot of hopes and dreams he shattered.waiting until 12 hours before is just despicable!

[Gebidozo]

I’m sorry this happened.

I know it doesn’t feel like this now, but you’ve dodged a bullet here.

The guy is obviously an immature, confused kid who isn’t fit to be in a real relationship with an adult person.

One thing you can learn from this is that it is always a bad idea to get so enmeshed in the life of a person you’ve only known for a couple of years.

Treating him like family, getting close to his family and letting him into yours was clearly a premature move. The decision to abandon everything and move to another continent to live with a boyfriend of two years was obviously rushed.

A soulmate is someone who has stood the tests of time and hardships. Make sure your future partner passes those tests before you make such huge commitments.

[ExpatInItaly]

10 hours ago, risingthemoon said:

I received an email from a family member that they were voiding the visa and notifying the necessary authorities

Wait, what? 

How does his family have anything to do with this? As someone who has previousy obtained a visa for a European country (years ago now), it is issused or revoked by goverment authorities. His family would not be able to do this on their own, and certainly not without you going through the necessary steps. This would be handled by the embassy or consulate nearest you where you applied for the visa in the first place. The visa would be in your passport; they can't just call it in and have it "voided." 

How did you obtain this visa to begin with? 

I am asking because something sounds really off here. 

Edited 4 hours ago by ExpatInItaly