Staying or Leaving: where does the real pain lie?

[marcusantonio]

It is clear that every human relationship will have ups and downs.
And that these ups and downs differ from disrespect.

So, each of us has learned in his life to distinguish between those relationships that are together for sacrifices, well-managed ups and downs, while others, which are completely different, lack of respect, turning a blind eye to obvious red flags, etc.

But, at the same time, have you ever wondered if you suffer more after the relationship has ended, therefore, in the absence of that person who showed red flags, or if in reality, you suffer less by remaining in that relationship but managing things better?

I could give many examples of relationships of people who stayed together with red flags and lack of respect, and who "left stronger", and at the same time of people who took courage and separated, and yet I see them both suffering a lot.

It is as if there was a single solution to the problem, yet there are people who know they have weaknesses (red flags) and who try to manage them, or who, when they fail, immediately apologize for what they have done, aware that they were unable to manage it.

Life is made of investments, in this case haven't you also noticed the suffering both among the brave ones who left and the cowards who remained?

[basil67]

When I left my ex-husband, it felt like the sun was coming out after years of rain.   After a couple of weeks while I recalibrated myself, my life and mental health improved so much.   

I can't say I've seen much suffering among people who left bad relationships.   But your behaviour of calling people who stay "cowards" does not reflect well on you.

[Gebidozo]

I haven’t really encountered anyone who suffered a lot and for a long time after they had left their incompatible partners.

The suffering was during the bad relationship, or just after the breakup.

Those who remained in bad relationships continued to suffer. At best, there was some lifelong sense of melancholic resignation.

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't really think I can name examples of people who continued to suffer long-term after ending poor relationships, no. 

The immediate break-up and some months after may sting obviously, but not long-term. Not if the person is of sound mind in a healthy emotional space.