Family Conflict Denys Access To Shared Equity

[StupidLittleBrother]

My Story and Current Dilemma

My elderly father, who had lost his wife six years earlier, suffered a serious fall while living alone. With his mobility challenges, he was prone to falling, and my habit of daily check-in calls prevented a much worse outcome. The fall left him with a severe head injury, which made his life with terminal cancer even more difficult.  

In a short period of time, I sold my house, made arrangements with my retail job, and moved back home. He needed constant support during recovery, and I couldn’t allow him to live alone when it was clearly unsafe.  

After about a year, my focus shifted entirely to caring for him. Cooking, cleaning, companionship, and countless doctor’s appointments became my full-time job. In return, I had room and board, but with little income I accumulated significant debt.  

A few years later, he passed peacefully at home—his favorite big band music playing, with me by his side. I continued to live frugally in the family home while seeking employment. Unfortunately, the economy was struggling, and my qualifications didn’t fit available jobs. Debt and household expenses kept growing.  

During this time, my older sister and her husband were struggling with substance abuse. Eventually, through faith and determination, they turned their lives around, but only after losing their home and savings. They moved in with his parents, which was cramped and restrictive, and understandably wanted a change.  

Our father’s assets, including the family home, were divided equally between us. At first, it seemed fair: they moved in, and I welcomed them. I cooked most meals and tried to contribute while getting back on my feet.  

Later, I found good employment, but with less time to devote to household duties, conflicts began. Between COVID and my own disabilities, that job only lasted two years. I retired when I became physically unable to continue, and the pandemic drained all joy from the work.  

Since then, my sister and her husband have used their financial advantage to dominate the household. Their clutter occupies more than 75% of the home, leaving me squeezed into small spaces. They constantly pressure me to sell my half of the property and leave. With my debt and small SSI retirement check, selling is not an option. My best bet is to remain here.  

My sister believes she can deduct her contributions to household expenses from my share of the home’s equity. She is mistaken—there was never any agreement to that effect. The property will not be sold.  

My Current Dilemma

I am now disabled by several autoimmune disorders that severely limit my mobility. I am still somewhat ambulatory, but at constant risk of falling. Bathing facilities in the home are inadequate:  
- The bathtub is impossible due to the step-over and the need to rise from floor level.  
- The walk-in shower has no grab rails, making showering terrifying.  

As a result, I seldom bathe, which is beginning to cause health problems.  

Medicaid/Medicare have been helpful, and I may soon have grab bars installed. But what I truly need is a walk-in tub to address skin and joint issues. Unfortunately, Medicaid/Medicare classify this as a capital improvement, not durable medical equipment, so it must be paid out of pocket. The only way I could afford it is by tapping into my home equity.  

My sister refuses to allow it. I fear their intent is to make the home environment so uncomfortable and unsafe for me that I will eventually leave.  

The one advantage I hold is that they want to add a Florida room to the house. To do so, they would need a home equity loan, which requires my cooperation. I would only agree if they also supported installing a walk-in tub.  

I share this here because I feel trapped between my health needs and family conflict. Any perspective or advice from those who have faced similar family property disputes or household power struggles would be greatly appreciated.