D-Day and Break up

[Anonymous]

I’ll keep this brief and would appreciate support, not judgement. I’ve been in an affair with a MM for 9 years. We had a little argument (not unusual) and didn’t speak for a week. During that week, I got an anonymous text with his wife added to it, along with a blurry pic of us together. 
 

The wife messaged me and said she’s known about us for a long time. I didn’t deny it, but apologized for what it was worth. 
 

Fast forward a few days and my affair partner is accusing me of sending the anonymous text and says he’s no longer speaking to me anymore. 
 

I am both relieved and devastated at the same time. I wasn’t always buying his story that life at home was as bad as he claimed, but I turned a blind eye to the red flags as well. I want so much for him to reach out, but I also feel like NC can finally end this crazy life. How do I get through this?

[Anonymous]

13 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

Fast forward a few days and my affair partner is accusing me of sending the anonymous text and says he’s no longer speaking to me anymore. 

It won’t let me edit my post. For context, I absolutely did NOT send that text, but he’s adamant I did. 

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I want so much for him to reach out, but I also feel like NC can finally end this crazy life. How do I get through this?

By remembering that it was likely always going to end this way. You two were on borrowed time for years. 

It's time you stopped wasting your life on soneone who probably never had any real intention of making this into something real. 

[BaileyB]

While it may not feel like a blessing, that’s exactly what this is for you… this is your opportunity to go out and find the life that you are supposed to be living… 

[Anonymous]

Just now, BaileyB said:

While it may not feel like a blessing, that’s exactly what this is for you… this is your opportunity to go out and find the life that you are supposed to be living… 

It should be, but I’m also struggling hard. It went from everything be fine, to him basically hating me and cutting me off cold turkey. It was instant. I’m hurting so much.

[BaileyB]

2 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

It went from everything be fine, to him basically hating me and cutting me off cold turkey.

This is usually how affairs end though… with a traumatic breakup. Discovery. Or, he simply decides to turn his attention back to his family and the affair partner is left out in the cold.

Of course it hurts. What you are feeling is grief, and there are a lot of emotions associated with grief and the loss of an important relationship. Feel the feelings but don’t get stuck there, find something to keep your mind busy in a positive way… This too shall pass and you will be ok. 

Just don’t go back… find a counsellor if you can to do the work to figure out why you chose this for yourself, why you stayed so long in this relationship, and how you can begin to move forward to a better future for yourself… good luck. 

[Anonymous]

6 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Just don’t go back… find a counsellor if you can to do the work to figure out why you chose this for yourself, why you stayed so long in this relationship, and how you can begin to move forward to a better future for yourself… good luck. 

I’ve never been to counseling, but I think this situation warrants one, as I am struggling more with this than any other previous break ups. Do you know what kind of counselor? Relationship? Marriage? I don’t know which direction to get the help. 

[BaileyB]

I would suggest that you find an individual counsellor. Counselling isn’t about him, it’s about you. Glad you have the resources to do this for yourself… best wishes.

Edited 2 hours ago by BaileyB

[Anonymous]

12 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I would suggest that you find an individual counsellor. Counselling isn’t about him, it’s about you. Glad you have the resources to do this for yourself… best wishes.

I am looking at individual. It’s definitely not about him. I just was curious what kind deals with affairs and moving forward. 

[BaileyB]

An individual counsellor who has experience with relationships/affairs.