How to initiate conversation with this girl at the gym?

[Musicisbest93]

Lately ive been focusing on myself and when I'm at the gym I stay in my zone. Im usually a quiet and introverted person so by the time it gets packed, that's my cue to leave lol. However, I few weeks ago I made brief eye contact with this girl and just 2 days ago I bumped into her on my way out and smiled. She had her headphones on so I mouthed a "hi" and left. My main problem is I dont know how a mildly autistic introvert such as myself initiates. I still get self-concious at parties or when im eating by myself at the counter. I try to enjoy being by myself and my independence, but at the same time I feel people are watching me. Im definitely a loner and if there's one character I could relate to its Morgan from Walking Dead. I know many of you might say "just be yourself" which is easier said than done. I dont want to fake anything either, because im not that much of a talkative person. I also tend to overthink things. I really wish I could say something about her curls and that I envy her for having them as a joke lol. Its just hard that I hardly ever get noticed (now I know how Eeyore feels). Im always hesitant to say anything that social anxiety defeats me in the end and end up blowing the opportunity.

If my life had a theme song it'd be this:

appreciate some help, thanks!

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

Before you get ahread of yourself, it's important to keep some things in mind here. 

1) She might not even be single. 
2) Women often don't like being approached at the gym (woman here myself) 

That's not to say you shouldn't try to strike up some small talk, but just keep in mind there may be other mitigating factors that stand in the way of connecting with her. If you see her again, simply say hello and keep comversation neutral.See if she is receptive to chatting further. 

10 hours ago, Musicisbest93 said:

really wish I could say something about her curls and that I envy her for having them as a joke lol.

Are we talking curls in her hair or bicep curls? Either way, I would avoid making jokes with someone you don't know. While it's a pretty benign joke and plenty would enjoy the banter, we never know how a stranger is going to received a little humour. It's best to see first if she seems open to some neutral small talk. That will help you gague if she's the type who would appreciate a little light humour. 

[Musicisbest93]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Before you get ahread of yourself, it's important to keep some things in mind here. 

1) She might not even be single. 
2) Women often don't like being approached at the gym (woman here myself) 

That's not to say you shouldn't try to strike up some small talk, but just keep in mind there may be other mitigating factors that stand in the way of connecting with her. If you see her again, simply say hello and keep comversation neutral.See if she is receptive to chatting further. 

Are we talking curls in her hair or bicep curls? Either way, I would avoid making jokes with someone you don't know. While it's a pretty benign joke and plenty would enjoy the banter, we never know how a stranger is going to received a little humour. It's best to see first if she seems open to some neutral small talk. That will help you gague if she's the type who would appreciate a little light humour. 

She reminds me of Aubrey Plaza a little bit too. And by curls I meant her hair lol

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Musicisbest93 said:

She reminds me of Aubrey Plaza a little bit too. And by curls I meant her hair lol

I would avoid commenting on her appearance as an opener. 

Have you dated much before? How did those interactions start? 

[Musicisbest93]

41 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I would avoid commenting on her appearance as an opener. 

Have you dated much before? How did those interactions start? 

Ive been on some dates in the past. Some on Hinge, but overall I just dont want to let social anxiety get the best of me. I hope you know what introversion is 

[ExpatInItaly]

7 minutes ago, Musicisbest93 said:

Ive been on some dates in the past. Some on Hinge, but overall I just dont want to let social anxiety get the best of me. I hope you know what introversion is 

Introversion is very common; we all know what it is. 

All I can suggest is what I already noted above. Best of luck. 

[Musicisbest93]

Have any tips on when Im out at events alone and self-concious about people watching me?

[introverted1]

52 minutes ago, Musicisbest93 said:

I just dont want to let social anxiety get the best of me. I hope you know what introversion is 

Social anxiety has nothing to do with introversion and vice versa.  

As for the girl at the gym, I would say that many women prefer not to be approached at the gym.  And I think that gym culture/etiquette has evolved to the point where most men know not to approach. The fact that you and this woman made eye contact ~2 weeks ago is not an indicator of anything much, imo.

Have you thought about joining interest-based groups where you might organically come into contact with other people? The first step is to get comfortable interacting with other people.  If your social anxiety is strong, you might benefit from therapy to help you address it. 

Edited December 4 by introverted1
typo

[Musicisbest93]

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

Social anxiety has nothing to do with introversion and vice versa.  

As for the girl at the gym, I would say that many women prefer not to be approached at the gym.  And I think that gym culture/etiquette has evolved to the point where most men know not to approach. The fact that you and this woman made eye contact ~2 weeks ago is not an indicator of anything much, imo.

Have you thought about joining interest-based groups where you might organically come into contact with other people? The first step is to get comfortable interacting with other people.  If your social anxiety is strong, you might benefit from therapy to help you address it. 

I know I will never be talkative and usually the quiet one that observes. But even at social events other than the gym I still keep to myself and try to enjoy being alone, but that only feels like masking emotions. its easier to say "just relax and be yourself" but to me that sounds like you might as well just exist and stare at a wall. The only plan I can think of is to accept that im Luna Lovegood and wait for serendipity to intervene somehow. 

[flitzanu]

On 12/4/2025 at 9:36 AM, Musicisbest93 said:

Have any tips on when Im out at events alone and self-concious about people watching me?

here's a tip, they aren't watching you

[Musicisbest93]

2 hours ago, flitzanu said:

here's a tip, they aren't watching you

Not to mention, ive seen plenty of people eat by themselves or sit on benches themselves distracted by a book. How are they not self-concious?

Edited Friday at 09:06 PM by Musicisbest93

[Interstellar]

One thing to take the pressure off as ExpatInItaly mentioned in the beginning is she may not even be single, and another is you may not even like her personality.

When you see her, sitting or you happen to meet her at the hallway just smile and say excuse me, say hi to her then ask her name and how long she’s been a member, what her favorite exercises are, her motivations, what she likes to do for fun besides gymming, just don’t fire  question after question after question after question like you’re a chief FBI interrogator at Quantico or something etc, make some several positive comments after her replies and hopefully she’s single and she’ll help you in the conversation as well, and don’t forget to ask for her number after or if you can exchange numbers if asking her is  nerve wracking for you.

Don’t worry about other people watching you because they’re too busy worrying about themselves.

Edited Saturday at 12:29 AM by Interstellar

[basil67]

4 hours ago, Musicisbest93 said:

Not to mention, ive seen plenty of people eat by themselves or sit on benches themselves distracted by a book. How are they not self-concious?

In this situation, it's because nobody is looking at us wondering what's going on.     However, I think it will be noticed if you stay by yourself at social events.     

 

[basil67]

On 12/5/2025 at 3:09 AM, introverted1 said:

As for the girl at the gym, I would say that many women prefer not to be approached at the gym.  And I think that gym culture/etiquette has evolved to the point where most men know not to approach. The fact that you and this woman made eye contact ~2 weeks ago is not an indicator of anything much, imo.

And if she wanted to talk with you, she'd take her headphones off.    Smiling with keeping headphones on is a friendly acknowledgement - not an expression of interest

[Musicisbest93]

28 minutes ago, basil67 said:

In this situation, it's because nobody is looking at us wondering what's going on.     However, I think it will be noticed if you stay by yourself at social events.     

 

See, this is why at social events Im hardly ever noticed. If only it were easy to just relax even alone at an event with a drink in hand.

[Musicisbest93]

Update: I finally worked up the courage and approached her when she looked at me. All I did was introduce myself and said "ive seen you around occasionally". That's it, and went back to my workout

[Musicisbest93]

Like a human being 

[basil67]

4 hours ago, Musicisbest93 said:

Update: I finally worked up the courage and approached her when she looked at me. All I did was introduce myself and said "ive seen you around occasionally". That's it, and went back to my workout

That was an odd interaction.  Did you not know what to say next....or did she just ignore you? 

[Musicisbest93]

No she didn't ignore me, but reciprocated kindly and shook her hand. I guess I wanted to make it brief because she was in the middle of a workout

[Musicisbest93]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

That was an odd interaction.  Did you not know what to say next....or did she just ignore you? 

I just wanted to make a good impression, that she was just a human being 

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, Musicisbest93 said:

I just wanted to make a good impression, that she was just a human being 

I think she knows that she is a human being.

Personally, I find the line “I’ve seen you around occasionally” somewhat strange, especially when it’s literally the entire conversation.

The first thing I’d do is introduce myself, then have some small talk.

 

[Musicisbest93]

6 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I think she knows that she is a human being.

Personally, I find the line “I’ve seen you around occasionally” somewhat strange, especially when it’s literally the entire conversation.

The first thing I’d do is introduce myself, then have some small talk.

 

Let me ask, are you an introvert yourself?

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, Musicisbest93 said:

Let me ask, are you an introvert yourself?

Oh, I think I’m the textbook definition of an introvert. I can get nearly physically ill from large social gatherings.

[Musicisbest93]

1 hour ago, Gebidozo said:

Oh, I think I’m the textbook definition of an introvert. I can get nearly physically ill from large social gatherings.

I hear ya. Maybe I shouldn't have said "I see you around occasionally". I just wanted to get over my fear is all despite my introversion. Even in large gatherings I tend to phase out and feel somewhat dizzy so I gotta keep drinking water lol

[FredEire]

In answer the OP, the way to initiate small talk is to initiate small talk. Just do it.

I think what you said to her is fine, but its going to be a bit off-putting if you then just walk away and go striaght back to your workout. You could ask a few followup questions like how long shes been coming, where shes from etc. Or you can may a joke like "Damn your biceps are better than mine! How'd you manage that?"

Making people laugh is the best way to win them over, I find. If youre a little bit socially awkward as you mentioned, it can take away the edge and can come off as cute if you're relaxed about it.