Relationship not working out

[Cantholdm3e]

6 years ago we immediately hit it off as friends but we always had explosive chemistry & then I gave in. The sex has always been incredible. He was separated but not technically divorced (still isn’t but lives on other side of country from his wife & kids). At one point he told me he had a lot of guilt about leaving his family & could only be my friend but wanted that bc he did really care for me. Thus, I tried to move on w others- but he always got insanely jealous, then resumed our sexual relationship. At one point I got a boyfriend, after I did that he got a girlfriend but kept the whole thing from me. I was furious when I found out. We have done very toxic things to each other, where anyone who was in it just for the sex- even sex as mindblowing as ours- would’ve considered it not worth it long ago. But here we are, now both single (after I ruined his relationship after mine ended, mind you), and it’s as good as it ever was. I blocked him while with a new bf & he kept trying on other #s. 

once my relationship ended, I unblocked him. Now he texts me good morning & good night every day & we are having the same amazing sex & he takes me out to amazing dinners and plans evenings. It’s not “romantic” which he never really has been- he’s kind of spectrum-ish.. but on occasion he’ll kiss me pretty passionately… Now he’s started asking me to sleep over (but sleep in separate rooms lol he’s always had a hangup over sharing a bed)… and he kisses me goodbye in morning, even if just on cheek. Clearly there’s no real point to this but the fact that it’s been 7years just indicates some sort of wild longevity to me (he says the same, longterm & durable). I don't want anyone else and don’t know what to do w it.

[Cantholdm3e]

I’m trying to take your good advice. Since he went back to Cali to spend the holiday w his wife and kids, I haven’t been messaging him and am setting up dates w other men. But he got mad at me bc I hadn’t responded to him asking what I was up to after like 4 hours. I said this wasn’t a nice text to receive- you wanted to be w your wife for the holiday, so I’m enjoying mine & being unplugged from my phone. He just didn’t respond? Does he want me to chase him? What a hypocrite, being mad and not responding bc I didn’t respond to a text right away when he thinks he can spend a whole holiday w his other chick 

[ShyViolet]

So why don't you just make a clean break, and officially break it off with him.  Who cares what he wants?  You need to take control of your life and do what's best for you.

[ExpatInItaly]

55 minutes ago, Cantholdm3e said:

What a hypocrite, being mad and not responding bc I didn’t respond to a text right away when he thinks he can spend a whole holiday w his other chick 

His other chick? You mean his wife. The woman he is married to and shares children with. 

I personally don't have much sympathy for you. You know he is married and you choose to involve  yourself. You know he was cheating on his ex-girlfriend with you and you chose to get involved. 

Where is your accoutability for your own poor behaviour? 

[Cantholdm3e]

7 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Where is your accoutability for your own poor behaviour? 

I’ve just always subscribed to the narrative that we have a very special connection but he’s emotionally unavailable / scared and thus hides behind other women. How many men are home w their wife & children for a holiday but texting another woman bc they’re mad she didn’t respond to his “wyd?” in 4 hrs?

[stillafool]

On 11/21/2025 at 9:26 AM, Cantholdm3e said:

It’s definitely a bummer that despite all of this he’d “not want a relationship,” because I’ve long felt he’s quite emotionally attached to me.

How do you really expect a married man to have a "relationship" with you.  You already have one.  A sexual relationship with crumbs thrown in between.  A FWB.

[Gebidozo]

8 hours ago, Cantholdm3e said:

I’m trying to take your good advice. Since he went back to Cali to spend the holiday w his wife and kids, I haven’t been messaging him and am setting up dates w other men. But he got mad at me bc I hadn’t responded to him asking what I was up to after like 4 hours. I said this wasn’t a nice text to receive- you wanted to be w your wife for the holiday, so I’m enjoying mine & being unplugged from my phone. He just didn’t respond? Does he want me to chase him? What a hypocrite, being mad and not responding bc I didn’t respond to a text right away when he thinks he can spend a whole holiday w his other chick 

“Other chick”? You mean his wife?

You said he went to spend the holiday with this wife. In the message above, you wrote that he was single. Which is it?

If he’s still married, what on Earth are you trying to do here? Remove him from your life and find a single man who’d only be with you.

[Gebidozo]

7 hours ago, Cantholdm3e said:

I’ve just always subscribed to the narrative that we have a very special connection but he’s emotionally unavailable / scared and thus hides behind other women. How many men are home w their wife & children for a holiday but texting another woman bc they’re mad she didn’t respond to his “wyd?” in 4 hrs?

Are you serious now?

Do you really believe that when a man is jealous and controlling towards his affair partner it means he has a special connection with her?

No, it means that he is a pathologically selfish, possessive, weak jerk, and nothing else beyond that.

Honestly, some of your messages read like something written by a brainwashed member of a cult.

 

 

Edited 7 minutes ago by Gebidozo