Surely this goes beyond acting

[FredEire]

21 minutes ago, SteveMonaro said:

Paternity test done.  Paid for expedited results.  Should know in 2-4 business days.

On a positive note for once, I think she has gone into mom mode.

She dropped the acting and is not even seeing other people and is being very loving and doting to me.

It's not all good though, she has said she can never be monogamous again but she does want to be with me as part of a loving family, we just have to work out what works best for us.

So everyone can cross their fingers for me for the paternity test.

Can never be monogamous again?

You seem to be somewhat considering keeping the relationship alive, which I find a bit alarming.

Of course if you are the father you should stick around in the sense of being the best most present Dad you can.

But in terms of the relationship it will do you nor them no favours trying to put it back together with sticky tape. Its better for a kid to learn that their parents had something and it didnt work out than witness their relationship slowly disintegrating.

[SteveMonaro]

1 hour ago, FredEire said:

You seem to be somewhat considering keeping the relationship alive

I think I've just come to the realization that there are many differing types of relationships out there and they can all still be loving in their own way.

We may never have again what we once had but is it really that bad if we can lovingly live together but have "date nights" once or twice a month where we can see other people?

The conversation at the moment is around that with the sticking being frequency, I would like it once a month, maybe twice but she wants it at least once a week, preferably no limits. 

[FredEire]

11 minutes ago, SteveMonaro said:

I think I've just come to the realization that there are many differing types of relationships out there and they can all still be loving in their own way.

We may never have again what we once had but is it really that bad if we can lovingly live together but have "date nights" once or twice a month where we can see other people?

The conversation at the moment is around that with the sticking being frequency, I would like it once a month, maybe twice but she wants it at least once a week, preferably no limits. 

Yes it is that bad, for a whole host of reasons.

You have transitioned very quickly from being horrified at your gf wanting to do adult movies to being happy with sharing her with other dudes and scraps of affection.

That's going to create a massive power imbalance and its not going to leave you in a very good position, or your kid.

[SteveMonaro]

20 minutes ago, FredEire said:

You have transitioned very quickly

Yeah, I guess I have, but that's what having a child does to you, you make sacrifices.

The truth is that I would prefer her with me and me only but there's plenty of people that live in ENM relationships and maybe that can work for us.  Maybe it won't.  But I think it's worth a try.  I get that it's unconventional and that I've somewhat been "forced" into it by circumstance but I am open to exploring this willingly and with all my wits about me.  I'm very aware it might not work out. 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, SteveMonaro said:

We may never have again what we once had but is it really that bad if we can lovingly live together but have "date nights" once or twice a month where we can see other people?

Only you can determine that. 

I personally think you are fooling yourself because the alternative - ending the marriage - is way too scary and painful to face. I don't think this is going to work out long term since you are not natrually wired this way and don't really want to be sharing her with anyone else. Yes, you might dip your toes into ENM  for a bit but I would not hold you breath that it's going to do much but hurt you even further. My guess is you are going to find it nearly impossble to "lovingly" live with her knowing she has dates and sex with other men. 

Be honest with yourself first and foremost moving forward. 

[Gebidozo]

8 hours ago, SteveMonaro said:

is it really that bad if we can lovingly live together but have "date nights" once or twice a month where we can see other people?

I imagine that there are a few people out there for whom it wouldn’t be that bad. But it will certainly be very bad for you.

You are essentially forcing yourself to accept conditions that are unacceptable to you. You are convincing yourself that you’ll be fine with that, but that’s an illusion.

You are acting out of fear and out of weakness. This means that, should you really go through with the unfortunate decision to get back together with your wife, you’ll have to start living a lie and repress your natural aversion. This won’t end well.