Surely this goes beyond acting

[flitzanu]

12 hours ago, Sony12 said:

If she is blowing guys in an audition she is making a full on porn video. 

there's a lot of mental gymnastics needed to call this "not porn" and "acting".

no offense to porn stars, i understand yes you're acting, but i'm sure they'd admit they are doing porn and not pretending it's Hamlet.

[introverted1]

1 hour ago, flitzanu said:

i'm sure they'd admit they are doing porn and not pretending it's Hamlet.

To swallow or not to swallow, that is the question.

[flitzanu]

22 hours ago, introverted1 said:

To swallow or not to swallow, that is the question.

"to pee, or not to pee"

[smackie9]

OP I am really sorry it has come to this...no pun intended. IMO it's the bigger money that they keep offering her that is driving her to take on more physical roles. You can tell her, that she's over stepped the crucial boundaries you had in place, she lied, and refuse to listen to you...so what other choice did you have? You can't ever trust her again. That pretty much finishes this relationship. Sorry there was no happy ending. 

[SteveMonaro]

So we've reached a point where it's impossible to continue. We spent the whole weekend being open and honest with each other and it didn't go as I hoped. Paraphrasing, she conceded a little that it is a porn scene within a move, but it's not a porno. She likes it. She wants to keep doing it. It's thrilling to try these new things. I asked her what about me. She was pretty blunt, she loves me and wants to be with me but she's not stopping. I asked her how far she would take things and she floored me when she said that it's her fantasy to have sex with another man but then come home to me. I told her I would hate that and she said she knew that but that only makes it more exciting. She's lost it. Somethings snapped in her brain. We were so in love. It's like this stupid hotwifing fad that seems to be popular right now has embedded itself in her, but she's doing it on film. I gave her a lot of leeway, in hindsight way too much, but I just can't do it anymore.

We have officially split. We will continue to live together for the time being out of necessity which isn't ideal. I don't know where to from here. She seems to think we can work things out which only reinforces to me that she's not listening to a thing I say. This isn't the woman I fell in love with which is so sad. 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, SteveMonaro said:

It's like this stupid hotwifing fad that seems to be popular right now has embedded itself in her, but she's doing it on film

It's not about a fad for her.

She wants to be able to have sex with other men but not lose the comfort and security of her home life. It's well past time to end the marriage. I am sorry it's turned out this way but I think it's been doomed since she started doing sex scenes with her "co-stars." 

[Gebidozo]

Obviously you can’t work it out.

I think living together at this point is a bad thing for you. Please try to be physically separated from her as soon as possible, so that you’ll be able to start healing.

As for her not being the woman you loved, well, in retrospect I don’t think you ever knew her. Perhaps you idealized her too much.

At the very least, when she started going down the pornographic road you should have realized that whatever you thought she was had little to do with reality.

As a side note, there is a huge difference between having a fantasy and acting upon it. There are men who have cuckold fantasies, that doesn’t mean that they actually want to see their wives sleeping with other men. There are women who have rape fantasies, that doesn’t mean that they want to be raped.

Just to be clear, I don’t think that what your wife has been doing is unethical. But she certainly has no right to expect you to accept it.

[flitzanu]

and please visit a doc to get tested for STDs.

[S2B]

I don’t blame you - that would be a dealbreaker for most,

she would be better off single with that attitude of not considering your feelings in all of it.

[smackie9]

What is going to work is to relocate, whether it be with a family member or a coworker's couch, it will give you some peace. 

[Sony12]

21 hours ago, flitzanu said:

and please visit a doc to get tested for STDs.

Hopefully the productions she was involved in made them get tested before they could do that stuff. Maybe not though.

[SteveMonaro]

On 12/8/2025 at 7:30 PM, Gebidozo said:

Obviously you can’t work it out.

Yeah.  And I had moved on in my head, I had accepted that.  One week was all it lasted and now my world has exploded.

She's pregnant! Of course she is. Why not. Why does fate mock me.

The way I was told is heartbreaking. It's mine she says because she only slept with other people after we split. It's be a week ffs. What a way to dig the knife in, one week, other people, PLURAL.

I'm stuck here now. This is my s*** life. I cannot be sure the child is mine and there will be a DNA test as soon as it's born but just in case it is mine I simply have to be here for my child, I will not abandon them, they have done nothing wrong. I can't imagine keeping my distance now only to find out that it is indeed mine.

I loved her, I mean I truly loved her with my everything. I allowed her so much grace to explore herself and she's just spat in my face. So she's now got everything she wanted, she single and has already shown she's going to put out to anyone and I'm gonna be this wimpy husband at home looking after our child while she's out being a sl*t. 

As much an a hate to say this I hope the child is not mine so I can get out of this but right now I have to move forward as though it is.  And maybe this is a gullible me talking but I do believe her, I don't think there way anyone before we split so hey, welcome to my life.

I anticipate I will get a lot of backlash here but I have asked her to reconsider and to give us another shot. I believe our child can bring us closer together. Surely that's more attractive than being a middle aged single mom wannabe porn star. 

[introverted1]

3 hours ago, SteveMonaro said:

I cannot be sure the child is mine and there will be a DNA test as soon as it's born

There are DNA tests that can be done as early as 7 weeks from a simple blood draw (non-invasive).Non-Invasive Paternity Test | DNA Paternity Test

[introverted1]

There are non-invasive paternity tests that can be done as early as 7 weeks.  I tried to post a link but apparently a moderator has to review all posts with a link. Google is your friend.

[flitzanu]

she was blowing other guys before you split up, so i think the chances are still "pretty high" that she was sleeping with other men before just last week.

sorry to be the one to say it.

[ExpatInItaly]

10 hours ago, SteveMonaro said:

It's mine she says because she only slept with other people after we split.

Yeah, right. 

10 hours ago, SteveMonaro said:

I don't think there way anyone before we split

Are you perhaps interested in ocean-front property in Kazakhstan? I've got some for sale. 

[Gebidozo]

17 hours ago, SteveMonaro said:

I believe our child can bring us closer together.

Using a child to repair a doomed relationship never works.

 

17 hours ago, SteveMonaro said:

Surely that's more attractive than being a middle aged single mom wannabe porn star. 

No, being a middle aged single mom wannabe porn star is still more attractive than being with a man you don’t love or respect.

[SteveMonaro]

20 hours ago, introverted1 said:

There are DNA tests that can be done as early as 7 weeks

Thank you !!!

I put this to her and she has agreed.  I contacted a place and we are booked in after Christmas.  They suggested to do it at 10 weeks and that would be the week after Christmas we think.

Damn expensive !!

I'll just have to play it as though I am the father until then and if it turns out I am, well I just don't know, I just can't bring myself to walk away from my child. 

[SteveMonaro]

15 hours ago, flitzanu said:

sorry to be the one to say it.

Look, I get it, I understand all the comments here. But she's never lied. She's done stuff I don't care for and especially in hindsight would rather have never happened but she's never lied.

I'm honestly over it but I've just had this huge spanner thrown in the works and every way I look at it I just can't walk away from my child if it ends up being mine. How that would look with her and I scares the s*** out of me.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 12/4/2025 at 5:24 AM, SteveMonaro said:

she slipped up and after I quizzed her she basically admitted she auditioned various guys that would have been playing opposite her in the movie spoken about. To spell it out she gave oral sex to all these men

4 hours ago, SteveMonaro said:

She's done stuff I don't care for and especially in hindsight would rather have never happened but she's never lied.

You must have a very different definition of "lie" than most. 

 

[flitzanu]

3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You must have a very different definition of "lie" than most. 

 

this ^^

 

there's a lot of difference in being honest and forthcoming versus admitting/confessing when caught or pressured.

and i do applaud @SteveMonaro for taking this all on the chin, this is a lot to deal with, and as internet strangers we are quite brutally honest.

[S2B]

15 hours ago, SteveMonaro said:

Thank you !!!

I put this to her and she has agreed.  I contacted a place and we are booked in after Christmas.  They suggested to do it at 10 weeks and that would be the week after Christmas we think.

Damn expensive !!

I'll just have to play it as though I am the father until then and if it turns out I am, well I just don't know, I just can't bring myself to walk away from my child. 

You don’t have to walk away if it’s yours. And you can father the child without being with her.

how is that gonna work out for her doing porn and being pregnant?

I wouldn’t consider reconciling - this is who she is and what her priority is. I’d be worried she wouldn’t be a good mother if she continues the porn.

[SteveMonaro]

18 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You must have a very different definition of "lie" than most.

Yeah, fair call.  I worded that very badly.  What I actually meant was that everything she's ever told me has been true.  Keeping the truth from me, lying by omission, well that's a whole different story.  

[ExpatInItaly]

11 hours ago, SteveMonaro said:

Keeping the truth from me, lying by omission, well that's a whole different story. 

And that's exactly why you would be wise not  to believe she's only statrted having unprotected sex with other men since you split days ago. 

 

Edited December 18 by ExpatInItaly

[SteveMonaro]

Paternity test done.  Paid for expedited results.  Should know in 2-4 business days.

On a positive note for once, I think she has gone into mom mode.

She dropped the acting and is not even seeing other people and is being very loving and doting to me.

It's not all good though, she has said she can never be monogamous again but she does want to be with me as part of a loving family, we just have to work out what works best for us.

So everyone can cross their fingers for me for the paternity test.