What is going on?

[JustYourAvgGuy]

My wife (of 29 years—we are in our early to mid 50s) has never been one to actively initiate intimacy.  I came to accept that many years ago.  But here lately, I’ve found out that she has been using a massage gun to masterbate.  A lot of times it is after brushing off my attempts to initiate sex with her and sometimes even while I’m out running an errand for her.

I tried recently to talk to her about it, but it ended with an argument.  Our sex drives are really polar opposites, but I do really love her and being unfaithful to her is not nor ever will be an option.

To put our experiences into perspective, I always try to make it about her first.  I have introduced toys, new positions, etc over the years to try to keep it exciting.  I never force anything on her to make her uncomfortable.  She has almost always had multiple O’s (occasionally a squirter) and loves to receive oral almost as much as I love giving.

What could it be that I’m missing?  What is going on that I can’t seem to get ahead of?

[S2B]

How about just knowing that maybe sometimes she just wants some individual time?

what if her using her vibrator has nothing to do with you?

are you satisfied with your sex life? 

[Gebidozo]

Unless she explicitly told you that something was missing from your sex life, expressed discomfort, or asked to change something, assume that she is sexually satisfied.

That she wants or needs to masturbate is entirely her business. Masturbation is a very private thing. Unless there is a severe addiction, there is no reason to interfere in anyone’s self-pleasuring habits.

Are you satisfied with your sex life?

What exactly do you mean by saying that your sex drives are polar opposites?

[Els]

Sometimes people just want to have a "selfish" orgasm and not worry about another person. It can be a problem if you're not happy with your sex life, though - but in that case I'd recommend talking to her about the sex life, not about the masturbation.

That being said I think there's no harm in you offering to bring the massage gun into the bedroom, if she's open to that. Also, if it's an ACTUAL massage gun... I feel like getting a Hitachi might be an overall improvement.