she lied about her age by 10 years!

[Sony12]

Yes usually anytime someone puts an age range down that is tailored either younger or older than them it is usually viewed as a red flag to people who aren't interested in the same thing you are because age ranges are more about sexual interests than relationship interests. 

If you are really interested in finding a relationship on apps it is probably better to not put down an age range at all. Or if you do put it down it's best to put your own age right smack in the middle.

Edited 17 hours ago by Sony12

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, Sony12 said:

Yes usually anytime someone puts an age range down that is tailored either younger or older than them it is usually viewed as a red flag to people who aren't interested in the same thing you are because age ranges are more about sexual interests than relationship interests. 

If you are really interested in finding a relationship on apps it is probably better to not put down an age range at all. Or if you do put it down it's best to put your own age right smack in the middle.

Why can't it be both?

Every decade puts you at a pretty different stage in your life. Apart from kids or sexual attraction there are a lot of reasons to want to date people who are your own age or younger.

Ok, if a 25 year old doesn't want to date a 35 year old it is probably one or both of the above. But if I'm say 40 and in the midst of my life and career it's reasonable not to want to date someone who's in their 60s, staring at retirement and to be blunt I know they've only got a certain amount of years left and I will have to deal with that loss while I am still relatively young.

It seems like because you're not into relationships yourself you view kids and sex appeal as the only things people consider.

And yes fwiw I know OP said he prefers slightly younger women because he finds them more attractive and I can see why people take issue with that. I still dont think you can equate it to something like 50 year old Dicaprio exclusively dating 19 year olds, or that it invalidates the issue in the lie that this woman he was dating told.

[Els]

4 hours ago, FredEire said:

But if I'm say 40 and in the midst of my life and career it's reasonable not to want to date someone who's in their 60s,

This situation is a person who's 44 and says he doesn't want to date 46 year olds... Do you feel like that's reasonable? 

I feel like we're all talking over each other here lol. I don't actually see anyone saying the OP should stay with the woman who lied. 

[Sony12]

It doesn't matter because his response to her about how he 'needed to think about it' pretty much ended things right then anyhow. And can we please stop acting like the OP was some sort of victim of a dishonest individual. This lady is likely just as much of a victim of his actions as he was of hers. They dated for three months and they likely were sleeping together during that time. The OP would have had to have been extremely naive to go that long without realizing she wasn't being honest with him about how old she was. Yet if they were sleeping together he still would have been accepting all the sexual activity she was offering likely knowing full well that he was going to end things if just a smidget of dishonesty showed up.  He was likely using her the entire time.

 

[stillafool]

If she thinks age is just a number, why is she lying about it?  If she doesn't want an old man what makes her think you want an old woman?  I would have a problem with someone lying to me hoping I fall for them so they can trick me into a relationship or marriage.  I would break up with her so fast her head would spin.

[FredEire]

2 hours ago, Sony12 said:

It doesn't matter because his response to her about how he 'needed to think about it' pretty much ended things right then anyhow. And can we please stop acting like the OP was some sort of victim of a dishonest individual. This lady is likely just as much of a victim of his actions as he was of hers. They dated for three months and they likely were sleeping together during that time. The OP would have had to have been extremely naive to go that long without realizing she wasn't being honest with him about how old she was. Yet if they were sleeping together he still would have been accepting all the sexual activity she was offering likely knowing full well that he was going to end things if just a smidget of dishonesty showed up.  He was likely using her the entire time.

 

What? There are plenty of 50 year olds out there who could pass for 40 if they have looked after themselves. Why should he automatically assume she was lying about something so basic?

[Sony12]

24 minutes ago, FredEire said:

What? There are plenty of 50 year olds out there who could pass for 40 if they have looked after themselves. Why should he automatically assume she was lying about something so basic?

You can usually pick up on things like that when spending time around them. It really wouldn't take someone that long to figure out that a persons age was questionable. 

Not only by how they act but also you can easily Google search someone these days and usually find out how old they are. If she was 49 and trying to pass as a 39 year old to men she was meeting online a Google search would have said her real age range.

Edited 7 hours ago by Sony12

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, Sony12 said:

And can we please stop acting like the OP was some sort of victim of a dishonest individual.

8 hours ago, Sony12 said:

He was likely using her the entire time.

You seem to be quite triggered.  

It might be worth exploiring why that is. 

[Sony12]

44 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You seem to be quite triggered.  

It might be worth exploiring why that is. 

Lol no I'm not triggered. We just have people here who have different opinions. A lot of people here choose to give topic creators the benefit of the doubt a lot of times and I don't at times feel they should have the benefit of the doubt in many cases. I have the opinion that you learn through criticism more than you do through pats on the back.

Edited 51 minutes ago by Sony12

[Gebidozo]

I have to agree with those who think that it was a big deal.

Because they think (and I think so too) that lying about the age was wrong. Not the age gap itself, but the lie.

Now, as for the OP not wanting to date a woman just because she is 49 and not 39, that’s a whole different issue.

Yes, the OP’s rigid age preferences, in themselves, would probably be a red flag to many women.

But that only makes her lie a more serious matter. Whatever his preferences are, she knew about them, she agreed to date him, and she kept deceiving him about something that clearly matters a lot to him for quite a long time.

Edited 43 minutes ago by Gebidozo

[ExpatInItaly]

17 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

I have the opinion that you learn through criticism more than you do through pats on the back.

Sure, and that's fine. But let others have their opinions too: 

9 hours ago, Sony12 said:

can we please stop acting like the OP was some sort of victim of a dishonest individual.

It's not up to you to decide how others respond. 

20 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

no I'm not triggered.

Agree to disagree.

[ExpatInItaly]

11 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Because they think (and I think so too) that lying about the age was wrong. Not the age gap itself, but the lie.

Yes, I think most would not be okay with this. But some have looser or lower standards than others, I suppose. 

[Sony12]

6 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I have to agree with those who think that it was a big deal.

Because they think (and I think so too) that lying about the age was wrong. Not the age gap itself, but the lie.

Now, as for the OP not wanting to date a woman just because she is 49 and not 39, that’s a whole different issue.

Yes, the OP’s rigid age preferences, in themselves, would probably be a red flag to many women.

But that only makes her lie a more serious matter. Whatever his preferences are, she knew about them, she agreed to date him, and she kept deceiving him about something that clearly matters a lot to him for quite a long time.

One thing to keep in mind though is that it's very possible (if not likely) that she didn't know about his rigid age restrictions and that he would reject her as soon as he found out that she was older than she originally claimed. Most people just vaguely look over profiles and mainly focus on the pictures. And after they take things off the site people often completely forget about what their dates put on their profile.

Unless he told her that he doesn't date anyone over 45 there is a very real possibility she didn't know what his reaction would be to her telling him the truth. A lot of people wouldn't consider it to be that big of a deal after they have actually gotten to know the person a little bit.