she lied about her age by 10 years!

[daveyboy9]

Met this girl, who actually is a really really nice girl, and in her profile her age was down as 39. We have been seeing each other for 3 months now, and relationship is developing well. I did ask her about her age early in the dating stage, and she said its the same as in the profile, i.e. 39. Very very recently, we were planning to go away, so she said before we book it, I need to tell you something. I lied about my age, and I am 49! I was taken about, and said I need to think about this, and she said why, its not a big deal its just a number. I did say that this is not lying about a couple of years but actually 10 years. She said its because I look young for my age, and I dont want someone that looks old as my dad, and I have dated younger guys who have been fine about it.  

I am a 44 year old male by the way, and I set a strict dating app filters from 35-45 as I find girls a bit younger than me attractive, and I would not have matched with her at the start had I have known her true age then. The difficult thing is that everything else about her, i.e. her attractiveness, her  values, her good heart, connection with me, personality etc are all so so good a match with me, but now knowing this massive 10 year age this is a big thing for me to accept. Especially now I know she will be 50 next year. A lot of people also tell me I look yound for my age. Am I being superficial, and very shallow as I have even thought oh my God her teeth may fall out soon, getting older etc - is this bad of me and should I see just the inner beauty or is this a big red flag? If I continue the relationship I am not sure if I will stop thinking about this.

I would like to add that we both are very clear in wanting a long term partner, and neither of us are interested in a short term fling or anything like that.

Edited 5 hours ago by daveyboy9

[MsJayne]

There's two possible answers here. One is that she lied, and it's not a small lie when you take into consideration that it's actually very deceitful to draw someone into an emotional connection before telling them something that would have made them reject you as a potential partner in the first instance. No matter how good her values are, this deception would make me view her with suspicion, what other lies might she have told to manipulate you? The other answer is that it's only a five year age gap, it's not like you're dating an OAP, (yet  - sorry, just kidding). She's only 5 years older so it's not a huge gap and it shouldn't be a big deal if your feelings are genuine and you see yourself with her as a long-term commitment. If you're a traditional guy, with the many connotations which can go with that, then I'm guessing having a younger partner is important to you for more reasons than just the supposedly superficial, so my advice would be that, no matter how nice she seems to be, someone who lies about their age in these circumstances is someone who cares way more about themselves than they do other people. Proceed with caution. 

Edited 4 hours ago by MsJayne

[Gebidozo]

There are two separate issues here, the age and the lie.

Personally, I don’t think age, per se, is a problem in your case, unless you want kids, which you haven’t mentioned. 10 years would be a big deal if you were, say, 16 and dating a 27 year old woman pretending to be 17. But dating a woman who is only 5 years older than you and looks younger is not something I’d worry about if I were in your shoes.

The lie, however, is a more serious issue. I understand putting up a fake age on an online dating app, although this would still rub me wrong even if she told the truth on the first date. But she waited nearly 3 months to disclose that information. That’s not something I’d be happy about if my partner did it.