My [F24] FWB [M35] had an honest conversation with me about where he’s at. Does it seem like he wants to end things?

[Anonymous]

So I dated this man 1.5 years ago for two months then we broke up and started casually seeing each other every other week or so just for sex Towards the end, he was inviting me out to dinner, having dinner with me at his place, watching shows, hinting at wanting to take me out but it kind of never happened. I ended things with him but we recently reconnected.

We hooked up last weekend, then he invited me to go to a workout class with him and then we grabbed lunch after. He talked about his life goals, wanting kids, etc and asked about my grad school timeline. However, I didn’t think much of it since he didn’t ask for another date and didn’t invite me back to his place and didn’t even kiss me.

Yesterday he texted me I went over and we hooked up. When we were cuddling after he suddenly asked me “why do you like me? Why do you keep seeing me?” I told him the reasons and then jokingly told him “I know you see me just for the sex” he said no I’m not shallow. The sex is good but you’re very interesting and I like spending time with you. I said yeah we have hot sex. He said yes but I feel lately it’s been more than just sex for both of us. Like that time we grabbed lunch we didn’t have sex didn’t do anything physical but I liked it. I enjoy spending time with you I don’t know yet to what extent but wanted to tell you where I’m at. I said pinky promise me that if you get serious with another girl you’ll tell me (and vice versa) he said of course I will, I just haven’t felt emotionally strong for any woman in the past 4 years.

He then opened up about his past relationships, asked me if I’ve ever been in love, if I’d ever stay with a man I didn’t truly love, etc. the conversation was so relieving and not awkward at all and we both felt so calm afterwards.

But now I’m kind of wondering if he had this conversation to kind of tell me let’s keep it casual and not catch feelings? Or he’s open to exploring more?

[ShyViolet]

1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

But now I’m kind of wondering if he had this conversation to kind of tell me let’s keep it casual and not catch feelings? Or he’s open to exploring more?

I'm not sure why you would think this.... from everything you said it sounds like he is interested in it being more.

Are you interested in actually dating him and it being more than just FWB?

[Anonymous]

2 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

I'm not sure why you would think this.... from everything you said it sounds like he is interested in it being more.

Are you interested in actually dating him and it being more than just FWB?

Yes definitely I do. I would love to settle down with the right man and I’ve been going on a lot of dates recently although I get along the best with this guy. 

The reason why I’m scared is that when I ended things with him last time over phone, he told me he just didn’t feel anything romantic for me and that maybe it was his fault and we needed to spend more time together. So I’m afraid he’s playing me or that he doesn’t actually like me, although my intuition keeps telling me he’s catching feelings 

[ShyViolet]

5 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

The reason why I’m scared is that when I ended things with him last time over phone, 

Why exactly did you end things with him before?

[Rainyday110]

Just now, ShyViolet said:

Why exactly did you end things with him before?

So the first time we were seriously dating things ended because he asked if I’d change my career path to stay in our city if I didn’t get into grad school here. I kind of hesitated then said yes but he said he didn’t want me to resent him one day.

 

then I got into school in our city. During the whole application cycle I was seeing him casually having sex etc. Then he had initiated more intimate conversations like he’d ask me to be more vulnerable and sweet to him, he’d say things like “I can’t take you out like this if you were this pretty dress (jokingly)” and after I decided to stay here he said we should grab dinner to celebrate your accceptance. Then he would text me sweetly saying we’ll get dinnner in a week once he’s back from his trip. Then one night I drunk texted him “you’re one of my favorites” (I didn’t want him to know I liked him) and he got mad and said I’m one of many? You have many favorites? Then he never followed up on dinner, distanced himself, so I thought he was playing with me and didnt want anything serious so I ended things

[FredEire]

3 minutes ago, Rainyday110 said:

So the first time we were seriously dating things ended because he asked if I’d change my career path to stay in our city if I didn’t get into grad school here. I kind of hesitated then said yes but he said he didn’t want me to resent him one day.

 

then I got into school in our city. During the whole application cycle I was seeing him casually having sex etc. Then he had initiated more intimate conversations like he’d ask me to be more vulnerable and sweet to him, he’d say things like “I can’t take you out like this if you were this pretty dress (jokingly)” and after I decided to stay here he said we should grab dinner to celebrate your accceptance. Then he would text me sweetly saying we’ll get dinnner in a week once he’s back from his trip. Then one night I drunk texted him “you’re one of my favorites” (I didn’t want him to know I liked him) and he got mad and said I’m one of many? You have many favorites? Then he never followed up on dinner, distanced himself, so I thought he was playing with me and didnt want anything serious so I ended things

I wouldn't blame him for having a bad reaction to that text, personally.

From OP it sounds like you are on the same page in terms of getting more serious. It seems a bit of a red flag though that he wasn't serious about you before and now suddenly seems to be.

It could be that his feelings have changed, or that he likes the idea of having a woman in love with him but isn't being honest. The only way to really know is try it and see how it feels for both of you. Yes there is the risk of getting hurt but that's life and love.

[flitzanu]

1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

I enjoy spending time with you I don’t know yet to what extent but wanted to tell you where I’m at. I said pinky promise me that if you get serious with another girl you’ll tell me (and vice versa) he said of course I will, I just haven’t felt emotionally strong for any woman in the past 4 years.

 

you need to pay attention to this info.

sure, maybe he's being vulnerable and maybe hinting at more, but saying he's not that into you "right now" is still saying a lot, and that's 99% a big "no" and this way he has warned you in case you try to make it into something more than free sex.

[ExpatInItaly]

34 minutes ago, Rainyday110 said:

So the first time we were seriously dating things ended because he asked if I’d change my career path to stay in our city if I didn’t get into grad school here. I kind of hesitated then said yes but he said he didn’t want me to resent him one day.

I remember your recent thread about this man. 

It's been on and off for a while. I am not sure I would revisit this, but for peace of mind, you should talk to him about this and put it to rest one way or another.