Should I be concerned?

[Anonymous]

Hi all,

 

So to start off, I've only ever been in two relationships my whole life, including this one...

 

My first relationship I was cheated on, so please bare that in mind.

 

I'm a bit suspicious of my partner atm, I guess I should go speak to her, but I will get to that shortly as to why I'm not just yet.

 

So basically, our relationship has been on and off a good while now, known each other 3 maybe 4 years now.

 

I broke up with her a good few times, because of the habits she had/has, and I wouldn't dream on controlling her, if that makes her happy with her habits then okay, good.

 

Anyway yeah, moving forward onto our 3rd attempt, she claims to have changed, which I'll admit I have seen some changes, again I'm not controlling her in how she lives her life, controlling is one thing I hate.

 

Now onto why I haven't spoken to her yet, is after a good 2 years or so, I finally met one of her parents, as that is one thing that was bothering me, admittedly most of her parents are all over the country, she did have some issues with her family too.. She seemed happy that I got on well with her parents.

 

To also add, is that we're going to see them again in a few month's time, and going on holiday and all soon.

 

Now onto my reason of being a bit concerned, maybe I'm just being stupid, idk, lack of experience in relationships might not help, and also suffering with aspergers.

 

I digress..  She posts quite a bit on social media, some of pictures of herself set to public, she goes through stages of reposting pictures of herself, and I have noticed its mainly male friends she has that like/love/hug emoji them, at first I just shrugged it off thinking yeah they're just her friends, but recently new faces have been appearing, males and singles, just like most of her male friends, repeating the same process.

She went through a stage of removing a lot of her friends (that she told me), but slowly has started to add people.

 

What's also a but concerning now that I think of it.. Is a few months back, I had one of her friends message me, saying along the words of  "enjoy her, she'll only use you like she used me", I was a bit drunk that time, as I was on holiday with my work colleagues (male friends), saw the message and thought wtf? Messaged him back of course, maybe he was trying to ruin our relationship, idk, but now it has be second guessing a bit...

 

 Now onto us living together, we've not moved in with each other now as most couples would, we have had a look at like 1 place, and looked at others, but that has seemed to of died off... Prices around here aren't cheap admittedly.

Also, she is rather quiet when we're not together, i.e. little to no messages, with the occasional "I love you", I did message her more actively before, but it seemed to fall onto me to message her mainly.

 

Sorry to write a whole essay, that's all I can think of so far, any help is appreciated, am I just being stupid or paranoid? Idk.. Just to reiterate, please bare in mind I've only ever been in 2 relationships my whole life + aspergers. 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I broke up with her a good few times

This is your sign that this relationship isn't going to work. 

Healthy relationships with a real chance of success don't include multiple break-ups. It is quite clear she is not as invested as you are, either. 

2 hours ago, Anonymous said:

, because of the habits she had/has, and I wouldn't dream on controlling her, if that makes her happy with her habits then okay, good.

What are these habits? 

[smackie9]

 Third time around and nothing has changed, so what makes you think you can make it change? You can't. You should have stayed broken up. When it's off and on, that means you shouldn't be together. Boot her to the curb. 

[flitzanu]

On 11/15/2025 at 6:21 AM, Anonymous said:

 

 

Now onto why I haven't spoken to her yet, is after a good 2 years or so, I finally met one of her parents, as that is one thing that was bothering me, admittedly most of her parents are all over the country, she did have some issues with her family too.. She seemed happy that I got on well with her parents.

 

most of her parents?  how many parents does she have?