Why would she contact me after six-and-a-half years?

[Gebidozo]

10 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

However, if an OP's position is being invalidated even after multiple clarifications, and people intend to respond with judgement and conflation of other testimony from previous threads, then this forum's utility will be rendered redundant.

I really don’t think my comment was judgmental.

Also, I wouldn’t call the acknowledgment of the previous testimony “conflation”. How can it be conflation if it helps to shed light on your situation?

Also, I fail to see how anything I said can be seen as invalidating your position.

Your position is that you aren’t interested in that woman in any way. I believe that you believe that. And I repeat that, in that case, the sooner you stop being preoccupied about her motivations, the more convincing your statement will be.

That is exactly what I would have said to my buddy if he kept asking me and strangers on the internet about why “a crazy broad he’d hooked up with” contacted him.

[Trail Blazer]

7 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I really don’t think my comment was judgmental.

Also, I wouldn’t call the acknowledgment of the previous testimony “conflation”. How can it be conflation if it helps to shed light on your situation?

Also, I fail to see how anything I said can be seen as invalidating your position.

Your position is that you aren’t interested in that woman in any way. I believe that you believe that. And I repeat that, in that case, the sooner you stop being preoccupied about her motivations, the more convincing your statement will be.

That is exactly what I would have said to my buddy if he kept asking me and strangers on the internet about why “a crazy broad he’d hooked up with” contacted him.

This is why these forums can be tricky to navigate at times.  

Nothing I said was referring to your post.  I had absolutely no issue with anything you said at all.

My response to you was about others who posted before you.

[ExpatInItaly]

13 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

The fact that this should be a mutual feeling, but clearly isn't because she decided to message me, is quite puzzling. 

This has happened to me a few times over the years, with men from my past resurfacing out of the blue. 

In my experience, people who do this when they are in another relationship are usually just looking for some temporary attention. Maybe they've had an argument with the current partner, maybe the partner hasn't been so present, maybe they just always like imagining there's someone in their fan club...it usually isn't more than that. 

[Alpacalia]

People have different reasons and you'll never know why if you don't answer.

I guess that's the tricky part.

I wouldn't say it's the hook that curiosity and our need for "closure" gets caught on because I've had several old BF's that I broke up with from my past reach out and I've responded. Not because I have had this deep-seated longing for them but it's a chance to catch up as mature adults and see how someone you once cared about turned out.

Plus, I do enjoy the fact, if I'm being honest,

...that it's an ego boost.

There, we can say it. It feels good to be remembered. It's a validation that you made an impression, that you mattered in someone's narrative. It's a little psychic nod that says, "Yep, you were a significant chapter." 

As long as they don't talk about our past relationship I'm okay with it.

"How's your career?" "Seen any good movies?" "How's your family?"—with someone who has the maturity to keep it there.

But you know, with absolute certainty, that a conversation with this woman will not stay in the safe, neutral present. How could it? Your entire shared history is a minefield of intense, unstable, and sexual energy. There is no platonic common ground to retreat to. The second you acknowledge her, you are acknowledging that past.

Edited 12 hours ago by Alpacalia

[IrinaM]

On 11/16/2025 at 6:17 PM, Trail Blazer said:

But, yeah.  The poor dude is being treated like a schmuck.  He seems besotted with her, from the SM posts, he's not short of a dollar (if that rock on her finger is anything to go by).  He bought her a new BMW coupè.  It's kinda sad.

Why do you think their relationship is "sad?" Why do you think her current SO is "being treated like a schmuck?" It kinda seems like you're devaluing her here. Why?

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, IrinaM said:

It kinda seems like you're devaluing her here.

Yeah… I noticed that too.

The OP keeps emphasizing that she was a “crazy broad” and that his relationship with her was almost nothing, “less than f*** buddies”.

This seems to be like a serious downplaying of something that nevertheless appears to greatly occupy the OP’s mind.