A Lie or Mistaken?

[Cat70]

We have been talking for 2 months and he at one point about 3 weeks ago ,told me about his previous Op and that she passed away, I asked how did he find out ( she was from Ireland,he the USA) he said her mother called him. Our conversation went elsewhere that evening. I remember bits of it and especially that because I felt sad for him for loosing someone he was involved with for 7 years and had taken many flights to Ireland.  

We were discussing something this evening that lead to me asking him a question about Ireland and was he moving there.  He did say plans were in action.  To make this short.  He said she was seeing someone else. I immediately asked a few more questions and then I said. You told me she passed away. He denied saying that. I only have my side of the chats ,his are no longer available ( reddit) . I can't shake this feeling that I'm questioning my memory,I'm certain he said she passed away.  What the hell do I do? 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Cat70 said:

We have been talking for 2 months and he at one point about 3 weeks ago ,told me about his previous Op

What do you mean by "op" in this context? 

And who is he to you, exactly? You say you've been talking,  but it's not clear if you two are dating. A little more context on the situation between you and him would be helpful. 

 

[Cat70]

Op=other partner

We met on Ashley madison. We shared our pictures and have been chatting for 2 months now. We had tried to meet but our schedules are difficult to make that happen. 

[ExpatInItaly]

Given that this is an Ashley Madison situation, I woudln't really concern myself with who else is in his life. The playing field is very different when it's a site based on hook-ups outside the primary relationship. It would be nice if everyone were honest, but it's Ashley Madison. It's best to keep your expectations of honesty and transparency very low. 

It sounds like he's lied, yes, and probably forgot which lies he's told told which women. 

This is not someone I would be interested in meeting for any reason, personally. 

[Cat70]

Thank you. I appreciate the advice. I know I'm not mistaken by what he said. I just wished he would have said something other than " I never said that".  Its making me feel unsure,but I know he said that.  I think I'm going to tell him I no longer am interested in talking with him.  Thanks again 

[Sanch62]

If he's been cheating on his wife, then you already know his capacity for deception. You get to decide how much this must matter to you and your own intentions.

Are you seeking an affair that would deceive your own partner?

[MsJayne]

Ashley Maddison is a site completely based on lies and deception, and you're worried that someone you met on there has lied and deceived you? 

[basil67]

Cheaters are gonna lie.   This is par for course

[BaileyB]

15 hours ago, Cat70 said:

I just wished he would have said something other than " I never said that". 

You are expecting honesty from a man that it on a site for married individuals looking for affair partners/hookups? 

For him to be on the Ashley Madison website, you know that he is deceptive and untrustworthy. And if he is lying to her about you, you better believe that he’s capable of lying to you about her…

Edited November 13, 2025 by BaileyB

[Bassthumper]

I'm curious...

 

Have you sent him money?

[BaileyB]

On 11/11/2025 at 9:16 PM, Cat70 said:

What the hell do I do? 

I would suggest respectively that you stop talking to men who troll these kind of websites.

In life, we tend to get exactly what we are willing to accept…

In all seriousness, you can’t exactly have a conversation with him because you can’t trust a word that he says. The only thing to do is to walk away. When someone proves themselves to be dishonest, untrustworthy, and manipulative - you end the relationship and walk away. No further conversation is required…

Edited November 13, 2025 by BaileyB