i like her very much but she has a boyfriend

[JohnDoeEX]

There is a girl that i like very much , she is outgoing , kind , very positive vibe , everytime i am around her its like i forget about all my problems and she seems to like me too

She came to me to fix an app on her phone , i was sitting on the chair and she put her hands on my upper leg to watch what i was doing , said sorry if it bothers you if i sit like this and i told her " dont worry , its no problem " and she kept staying like that

Another day i was showing some tiktok video to one if my friends and she pressed her chest very close to my arm to look too , we were at the gym she was sitting on the chair and i was sitting on the floor next to her , she started shaking her leg and i grabbed her ankle in a playful way and asked her " do you have too much energy " , she smiled and started shaking her leg faster

We were sitting on the sofa and i was laying down next to her and we were joking and i grabbed her thigh , she said " hey , what are you doing? " while smiling and took my hand away 

She has a boyfriend , they have a relationship of 6 years i think , i am very conflicted , i dont want to get between them but i also like her very much and she seems to like me too , i heard from friends of her that the relationship isnt going very great , they started arguing alot

what should i do ? i really want to ask her out

[Gaeta]

You should find yourself an outgoing, kind, positive girl to date that is single. 

Do you really want to date a woman that flirts like that with other men while in a relationship? What she does to her boyfriend she will do to you down the road.  Do not date women, that you already know, are not trustworthy in relationships. 

[JohnDoeEX]

12 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You should find yourself an outgoing, kind, positive girl to date that is single. 

Do you really want to date a woman that flirts like that with other men while in a relationship? What she does to her boyfriend she will do to you down the road.  Do not date women, that you already know, are not trustworthy in relationships. 

We didnt took things too far , we didnt cuddle , kiss or stuff like that , no cheating , and her boyfriend is the scum type , we went on a barbecue and him and a couple of friends started talking about 2 girls from college that started onlyfans and they started looking at their profiles she got very mad but he didnt care , one friend that is very close to her told me that she is thinking of breaking up with him , maybe if i ask her out it will be the push that she needs 

im thinking that if i wont be the a**h*** that her boyfriend is she wont behave like that with me

[ExpatInItaly]

17 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Do not date women, that you already know, are not trustworthy in relationships. 

This. 

OP, think of what this says about her character. It would be naive to think that she would never do the same to you, if you one day started dating. People of value respect boundaries even when their partners are not around. 

40 minutes ago, JohnDoeEX said:

what should i do ?

Nothing. Unless and until she is single, there is no next move for you. 

[Gaeta]

6 minutes ago, JohnDoeEX said:

maybe if i ask her out it will be the push that she needs 

May I ask how old you are?

[Sony12]

A lot of these types of gals just enjoy teasing men. They will do these kinds of things but as soon as the guy thinks there might be something between the two of you she will pull the boyfriend card.

[JohnDoeEX]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

May I ask how old you are?

we are both 23

[JohnDoeEX]

11 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This. 

OP, think of what this says about her character. It would be naive to think that she would never do the same to you, if you one day started dating. People of value respect boundaries even when their partners are not around. 

Nothing. Unless and until she is single, there is no next move for you. 

so if she breaks up with him like my friend said i should go for it ? waiting is hard

but him being bad with her doesnt make her behaviour valid ?

Edited Saturday at 02:47 PM by JohnDoeEX

[Sony12]

2 minutes ago, JohnDoeEX said:

so if she breaks up with him like my friend said i should go for it ? waiting is hard

but him being bad with her doesnt make her behaviour valid ?

I think you should focus on finding someone who has a similar personality as her who isn't into teasing men.

Edited Saturday at 02:50 PM by Sony12

[JohnDoeEX]

2 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

A lot of these types of gals just enjoy teasing men. They will do these kinds of things but as soon as the guy thinks there might be something between the two of you she will pull the boyfriend card.

i did think about this as a option too but she seems like she really likes me , i tried keeping my distance out of respect for her relationship butg she always comes and ask me whats wrong , if im upset , tells me to smile more

[JohnDoeEX]

1 minute ago, Sony12 said:

I think you should focus on finding someone who has a similar personality as her who isn't into teasing men.

its hard finding someone like her these days , she is so kind with people , she does charity work , buys food and clothes and gives to children at orphanages , alot of stuff like that 

[Gaeta]

11 minutes ago, JohnDoeEX said:

We didnt took things too far , we didnt cuddle , kiss or stuff like that , no cheating , and her boyfriend is the scum type , we went on a barbecue and him and a couple of friends started talking about 2 girls from college that started onlyfans and they started looking at their profiles she got very mad but he didnt care , one friend that is very close to her told me that she is thinking of breaking up with him , maybe if i ask her out it will be the push that she needs 

im thinking that if i wont be the a**h*** that her boyfriend is she wont behave like that with me

Unfortulately life is not that simple. 

She has been in a relationship with a scum bag for 6 years. That means she got used to his ways, she excuses him again and again, she's into bad boys. These women don' leave a bad boy to jump right into another relationship and be happy forever after. She may breakup with him but it will be to get a reaction out of him. 

She rubs her breasts against other men and rubs their upper leg...he looks at onlyfans profiles. These 2 belong together, they deserve each other. 

No, she will not change her behavior because she's with a different man. People are who they are. Liars lie no matter if they are with a good partner or not, same with untrustworthy people, cheaters and such. 

[ExpatInItaly]

8 minutes ago, JohnDoeEX said:

but him being bad with her doesnt make her behaviour valid ?

No, of course it doesn't. She could and should break up with him if his behaviour is that bad. Not flirt with other men. 

9 minutes ago, JohnDoeEX said:

so if she breaks up with him like my friend said i should go for it ? 

Your friend doesn't give good advice. 

10 minutes ago, JohnDoeEX said:

waiting is hard

Which is why you should't. There is no guarantee she is going to break up with him, and no guarantee she will date you even if she does. 

4 minutes ago, JohnDoeEX said:

ts hard finding someone like her these days , she is so kind with people

You are being willfully blind. The way she is behaving is not kind to her boyfriend, and it is not kind to you, either. 

[ExpatInItaly]

25 minutes ago, JohnDoeEX said:

im thinking that if i wont be the a**h*** that her boyfriend is she wont behave like that with me

Oh dear, you have a lot to learn about life. 

[Gaeta]

5 minutes ago, JohnDoeEX said:

its hard finding someone like her these days , she is so kind with people , she does charity work , buys food and clothes and gives to children at orphanages , alot of stuff like that 

No it's not. you're just focussing on her and trying to excuse her bad behavior. 

Get involved in charity work & such and you will come across other interesting young women. 

[smackie9]

She's obviously tired of her relationship...so she finds something fresh in you. This sort of thing happens because they have been dating since teenagers and well as you become an adult, everything about yourself changes, how you see the world, how you view yourself, needs, wants etc. She's obviously conflicted, she's invested 6 years in this guy. What to do? Communicate how ever you feel is right and make space between you...stop the escalation. She needs to make the decision without your influence. AND if she does breakup with him, she will need even more space to expel him out of her system or you will end up being a rebound relationship for her. 

[JohnDoeEX]

3 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

 AND if she does breakup with him, she will need even more space to expel him out of her system or you will end up being a rebound relationship for her. 

this is also a fear of mine if we even get together , after so much time with him she will have the desire to go back 

[smackie9]

9 minutes ago, JohnDoeEX said:

this is also a fear of mine if we even get together , after so much time with him she will have the desire to go back 

Yup these are the risks you take if you pursue someone like this. This is why everyone is tell you to quit it before it gets out of hand. AND you just might be a flash in the pan in interest. She might just drop you and chase after other guys. Use you as a steppingstone. 

Edited Saturday at 05:13 PM by smackie9

[Sony12]

18 minutes ago, JohnDoeEX said:

this is also a fear of mine if we even get together , after so much time with him she will have the desire to go back 

One thing to keep in mind is many women who date guys like this usually aren't real good catches themselves. Just something to think about.

[MsJayne]

Placing both her hands on your thigh, pushing her chest into your arm, the leg-shaking business, all that touching another guy when she has a boyfriend. Buddy, this woman is low quality. Have you considered that maybe her BF is mean to her because she throws herself at other men? She sounds like a lying, manipulative ho. 

[JohnDoeEX]

4 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

Placing both her hands on your thigh, pushing her chest into your arm, the leg-shaking business, all that touching another guy when she has a boyfriend. Buddy, this woman is low quality. Have you considered that maybe her BF is mean to her because she throws herself at other men? She sounds like a lying, manipulative ho. 

i have to fix in the op , she didnt grab my thigh with her hands or rubbing it like someone else wrote , she was just resting with her forearms on my leg , but the rest is just as i wrote

i dont know much about their relationship , i know that he makes up random surprises for her with candles and flowers , he wakes up at 6 AM to take her to work , they travel alot ,  but at the same time i heard that he doesnt give her attention especially when there are other guys , the thing with the onlyfans was weird for me , your girlfriend is right there 2-3 meters away and you and your friends search onlyfans account of some girl , she got upset and left to another room and he didnt even care

 

[MsJayne]

1 hour ago, JohnDoeEX said:

i have to fix in the op , she didnt grab my thigh with her hands or rubbing it like someone else wrote , she was just resting with her forearms on my leg , but the rest is just as i wrote

i dont know much about their relationship , i know that he makes up random surprises for her with candles and flowers , he wakes up at 6 AM to take her to work , they travel alot ,  but at the same time i heard that he doesnt give her attention especially when there are other guys , the thing with the onlyfans was weird for me , your girlfriend is right there 2-3 meters away and you and your friends search onlyfans account of some girl , she got upset and left to another room and he didnt even care

 

Yes, I get all that, he’s disrespectful, but if she’s unhappy she should leave the relationship instead of complaining to you and trying to rope you into her toxic life. I say you should cut her loose, find yourself a single woman who doesn’t come with a load of baggage, there’s millions of them out there. 

[FredEire]

There are so many single girls out there, don't waste your time and energy on this one.

To quote J Cole, don't try and save her from her relationship, she doesn't want to be saved.

This is a tale as old as time, it doesn't end well for you. Put yourself first and look for something better.

Edited yesterday at 01:10 AM by FredEire

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, JohnDoeEX said:

i have to fix in the op , she didnt grab my thigh with her hands or rubbing it like someone else wrote , she was just resting with her forearms on my leg ,

I certainly wouldn’t like it if my partner rests her forearm on a straight guy’s leg, especially one who’s interested in her romantically. Would you?

 

4 hours ago, JohnDoeEX said:

i dont know much about their relationship , i know that he makes up random surprises for her with candles and flowers , he wakes up at 6 AM to take her to work , they travel alot ,  but at the same time i heard that he doesnt give her attention especially when there are other guys , the thing with the onlyfans was weird for me , your girlfriend is right there 2-3 meters away and you and your friends search onlyfans account of some girl , she got upset and left to another room and he didnt even care

You’re way too interested in their relationship for your own good. It’s very unhealthy. Her relationship is none of your business. If she keeps trying to make it your business, hinting that you could “save” her from her relationship, you should know that this behavior (popularly known as “monkeybranching”) is toxic.

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, JohnDoeEX said:

heard that he doesnt give her attention especially when there are other guys

You heard. You don't know. 

You don't know what goes on behind closed doors between them.  Nobody does but the two of them. I would suggest you stop searching for hearsay evidence to build a case against him when her own behaviour isn't great either. And that is something you know, not just hearsay. Obvioulsy she mostly enjoys him and their relationship or she'd be single right now. 

You need to wake up. You have serious blinders on about this woman.