Onetwowhatever Posted November 8 Posted November 8 I’m done always being the one to reach out to hangout with ppl and communicate with them like checking in saying hi etc on txt as well and it’s hard to know if all the friendships I had sometimes even were or if they just didn’t hate me so they agreed to be with me when I asked … I go back and forth wondering .. i could say I had partial friends but never actual ones because I feel like if I didn’t txt them or hangout with them they never would with me and they didn’t care for me much. Idk why I have this luck because a lot of the ppl I became friends with had some level of communication problems anxiety or something else sometimes which I know can factor in but that’s just me partially assuming .. I try to tell myself that I don’t suck and the ppl I found just weren’t it and had problems or that I didn’t get out of my shell enough to rlly talk to bunch of ppl to find better friends. Idk what’s to blame but it’s so confusing because whenever I would ask to hangout ppl would have a good time with me and idk it sort of seemed like a friendship but then not because of their actions how did u find ppl who would depreciate ur efforts want to celebrate u and do so voluntarily give u gifts or celebrate ur birthday for u and not have to ask for bare minimum how did u find fun ppl that align with u who take initiative cause ive been in this spot for ever since I was a child and now im in my second year of college and its happening all over again its like im almost begging for attention or chasing ppl in a way. Idk what’s to do how can I approach ppl differently make new friends whats the best way to form close bonds and find reciprocal friends in school ?
MsJayne Posted November 9 Posted November 9 Have you tried joining clubs or groups where you have a common interest with other members? Campuses usually have plenty of different things you can join. Mostly it's about finding people from your tribe, people with the same or similar values and interests. If you find you never actually 'click' with people enough to form proper friendships you might be putting out the wrong sort of vibe without realising it. A counsellor could help you to identify any patterns of behaviour that might intimidate or otherwise turn other people off. Aside from that, many people are too shy or too socially anxious to be the instigator of get-togethers. 1
Sanch62 Posted November 9 Posted November 9 3 hours ago, MsJayne said: A counsellor could help you to identify any patterns of behaviour that might intimidate or otherwise turn other people off. Yes, in most schools, your tuition covers mental health counseling for students. They're experts in this stuff, because this problem is a lot more common than you think. They can also help you manage the sadness it causes. Meanwhile, understand that people who turn out not to be close friends aren't your enemies; they're just acquaintances who haven't viewed you through the right lens. Not every acquaintance evolves into a good friend, but some do over time, so don't reject anyone who hasn't formed an instant friendship with you. 1
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