Fell in Love with my Senior at Office but her behavior is very Confusing

[Anon30]

So there's a woman at work. She is around 40, maybe a couple of years younger. She is smart and attractive and single, and at a good position. Then there's this guy who is 30. He is okay-to-decent looking, average height (but fairly taller than her), good dressing sense (not great but better than average). He is at a relatively junior position (but in a different department).

So one day the guy musters some courage and decides to talk to the woman for the first time. He approaches her in the parking and tells her that he is really attracted to her personality and asks for marriage (this is an Eastern/Asian society, so dating before marriage is frowned upon among middle class societies). She seems a bit shocked, but then composes herself and downplays him saying there is too much age difference.

He is first heartbroken but then he starts thinking that she didn't really say no. So he decides to keep pursuing her. They keep crossing each other's path and she acknowledges him with a controlled smile at times.

A few days later he kind of catches her in the parking near her car and they end up having a very short but light chat. The guy is really happy at this point. They keep crossing paths again in the next days and her smile is still there.

But then all of a sudden there is a change in her attitude. She starts ignoring him. No smiles again. When she sees him she quickly turns away. And then one day he decides to talk to her again. He catches her by the elevator and calls her name but she plain ignores him and takes off quickly.

Now the guy is seriously confused. Is she feeling harrased? She was smiling a couple of days ago. What changed? Has she started hating me? Does she want me to just leave her alone. What could it be???

He decides to not try talking to her again to avoid any unfortunate situation in office. But they keep crossing paths over time. And her reactions keep getting stronger and stronger. Even though he is not even trying to talk to her, she seems to be fleeing the vicinity where he is.

He is love-stricken to death. He cannot stay away from her for long. He is drawn to her like a moth to a candle. He keeps traversing those paths which she traverses to get her tea or the parking zone when it is near time for her to leave (not ideal behavior indeed!).

One day, it became too obvious to her that he was following her. And her reaction that day was probably the strongest ever. He thought he would be reported to HR for misbehavior and harrasment. But nothing happened in the next couple of days.

Now he is extremely confused. What is she trying to do? What is she trying to say? She never told him to not follow her or be near her. She never warned him. She suddenly decided that she has nothing to do with him? She is not just ignoring, she is avoiding and in a very obvious way. She just seems to run away upon seeing him. And if she is threatened by him then she could have reported him. Is there a chance that she has started feeling conflicted herself and this avoidance is not because of him but her own self?

A woman's opinion on what could possibly be going through the mind of that woman will be much appreciated.

[ExpatInItaly]

20 hours ago, Anon30 said:

A woman's opinion on what could possibly be going through the mind of that woman will be much appreciated.

She wants you to stop following her around and accept that she doesn't want to be with you. 

You are making her uncomfortable. 

I don't think you actually need this spelled out to you, but you need to stop all of this before you lose your job or possibly worse. 

[Anon30]

Yes that is crystal clear. But the way her behavior has changed is quite odd to understand. One day she is smiling and the next day she is taking off at the sight of him, even when he is not trying to approach. Never said anything when she could have easily warned him to stay away. They work at the same office, they will eventually cross paths at some point. The way things are, if they cross path at the stairs, she'll probably jump off! If she keeps running like that, he won't even be able to apologize to her for making her feel uncomfortable.

[Anon30]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

She wants you to stop following her around and accept that she doesn't want to be with you. 

You are making her uncomfortable. 

I don't think you actually need this spelled out to you, but you need to stop all of this before you lose your job or possibly worse. 

Yes that is crystal clear. But the way her behavior has changed is quite odd to understand. One day she is smiling and the next day she is taking off at the sight of him, even when he is not trying to approach. Never said anything when she could have easily warned him to stay away. They work at the same office, they will eventually cross paths at some point. The way things are, if they cross path at the stairs, she'll probably jump off! If she keeps running like that, he won't even be able to apologize to her for making her feel uncomfortable.

[ExpatInItaly]

12 minutes ago, Anon30 said:

Never said anything when she could have easily warned him to stay away

She shouldn't need to. It should have already been clear that you need to stop. You are an adult who surely knows your behaviour is becoming inappropriate. 

13 minutes ago, Anon30 said:

But the way her behavior has changed is quite odd to understand.

No, it really isn't. She probably thought you had a harmless crush at first and then realized you are trying to push boundaries. Her change in behaviour makes perfect sense. 

14 minutes ago, Anon30 said:

If she keeps running like that, he won't even be able to apologize to her for making her feel uncomfortable

She clearly doesn't wanr you to aoologize. She just wants you to stop. 

[Sanch62]

On 11/8/2025 at 4:16 AM, Anon30 said:

He approaches her in the parking and tells her that he is really attracted to her personality and asks for marriage (this is an Eastern/Asian society, so dating before marriage is frowned upon among middle class societies).

What 'culture' would walk up to a stranger in a parking lot, declare love, and ask for marriage?

Sorry, man, that's whacked. Leave her alone, or get yourself fired or jailed.

[Gebidozo]

On 11/8/2025 at 5:16 PM, Anon30 said:

He approaches her in the parking and tells her that he is really attracted to her personality and asks for marriage (this is an Eastern/Asian society, so dating before marriage is frowned upon among middle class societies).

There is no culture in the world where women are independent and can be single at 40, yet where it’s acceptable for a complete stranger to ask them for marriage out of the blue. You made it up.

 

20 hours ago, Anon30 said:

But the way her behavior has changed is quite odd to understand. One day she is smiling and the next day she is taking off at the sight of him, even when he is not trying to approach.

It’s not at all odd to understand. At first she thought that what you did was weird and wacky, but essentially harmless, like a bad eccentric joke. But when she realized you were actually serious, the creepiness became too much.

You really should leave her alone.

Edited Monday at 03:48 AM by Gebidozo

[Anonymous]

In the beginning she was trying to be nice, although in time, after giving the matter some thought, she realized this could be some sort of a fatal attraction and his behavior completely freaked her out, as it would me too.

She most likely does not want to escalate the situation by going to HR for many reasons, none of which her being attracted to him. 

[Sanch62]

2 hours ago, Anonymous said:

In the beginning she was trying to be nice, although in time, after giving the matter some thought, she realized this could be some sort of a fatal attraction and his behavior completely freaked her out, as it would me too.

She most likely does not want to escalate the situation by going to HR for many reasons, none of which her being attracted to him. 

Whatever. Leave the woman alone.