Bellona Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 I have been dating a guy for a few months now. We have a lot in common, and we're both at the same point in our careers. A favorite topic of discussion for him is real estate. There are places here he'd like to buy; he has shown me a few of them. It never fails: at least once a week, he asks me if I am going to stay in my city, or if I'd consider moving near A, near B, this area, etc. Each time, I say I don't know: I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, and I would like to think about it over the summer. We've had this conversation several times, again this past Sunday. He has told me that he wants to buy a 2 bedroom condo in a particular part of town; he pointed this place out to me last time we were in the area; he asked me if I would consider moving there, and I said I would because the location is convenient for me for work. How can I tell if a guy is fishing for information on my future plans / openness and if he's just obsessed with an idea and letting me in on it? What can I say next time this topic comes up?
cygny Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 ask him why he wants to know? put it back on him. ask him if he'd like to move there...etc
bluechocolate Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Based on what you've written here it seems pretty obvious to me that this guy wants to know that if he moves you'd be willing to move too - to be closer to him, obviously. I would say that he's worried that if he decides to move the relationship is over, entirely depends on the distance of course. Personally I would never considering moving simply to be closer to someone I was dating for only a few months.
Author Bellona Posted January 18, 2006 Author Posted January 18, 2006 Based on what you've written here it seems pretty obvious to me that this guy wants to know that if he moves you'd be willing to move too - to be closer to him, obviously. I would say that he's worried that if he decides to move the relationship is over, entirely depends on the distance of course. Personally I would never considering moving simply to be closer to someone I was dating for only a few months. That very well could be it. We're not at a point where we're considering getting married, but we have both talked about our desire to get married and have a family someday, at least. He is a guy who wants to have his career on track and being able to provide financially for a family -- so it's in the future for him, just not immediate, and who knows if I am in that picture. But he wants to know my moves. Right now, we live very close to each other. A move to that area by either of us wouldn't severely impact our relationship, but it will change a few habits. Next time he brings it up, assuming that there is a next time, I'll have something better to say to gauge a reason why it's on his mind. I wouldn't move to be closer to a person I was dating for only a few months -- that's too much too soon. By the time summer rolls around, we'll both have a better idea of where things are going, if anywhere significant. I am becoming a believer in "why stay together if it's not gonna go anywhere;" it's better to get out of a dead-end relationship if goals / wants are different than to stay in and risk being hurt just for the sake of comfort.
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