Braydon Barnes Posted November 4 Posted November 4 I'm in real need of some advice I'm a 21 year old man turning 22 in less than 2 weeks and living in rural northwest Pennsylvania USA I work full time still dont have my own place yet and don't drive yet , but working on it . but my major concern is I'm still a virgin and have never been in a serious relationship ( not fully a conscious choice always been kind of shy, awkward, introverted ) but never thought I would be such a late bloomer and the stuff I read online about them is depressing and feel so behind the curve it has greatly impacted by self esteem that I constantly think about it daily feel like I'm loosing value each passing day as a man it stops me from trying . Most of the women if not all that I'm attracted to that are my age have been experienced in relationships , sex for a while and quite a few are young mothers , while I haven't dated since right at the end of middle school. so I feel like the odds are heavily stacked against me or do the majority of experienced women not care about my late start ? I feel like most of these women would be weary of me for that or is that fear mostly in my head , and was never a popular one in high school as I always kept to myself for the most part now I regret that . I was also diagnosed with pddnos (now part of the spectrum ) as a child . What age do women (especially experienced ones ) find it weird or off-putting if a man is a virgin or inexperienced ? I wish I could turn back time and date in high school but I wasn't ready and I feel like I've missed crucial experiences , Am I likely gonna have it much harder ? Everytime I am in a bar I can't bring myself to approach women I just freeze up I've always was told I was shy, quiet because I hardly talk but no I'm just always afraid of saying the wrong thing so I don't say nothing i was like this in school it's like I need alcohol to talk and get people to like me and it has caused me to go down the wrong path the last few years. looking from an american perspective because I already knows it varies by culture. Thanks in advance !
Gebidozo Posted November 5 Posted November 5 There are plenty of women in your age range who have had little experience in relationships or are virgins. People are very different, and there is always someone who is similar to you. If you’re interested in a serious relationship, you probably should seek out such women through your social connections, or via online apps, instead of approaching women in bars. If you’re shy and inexperienced, get together with someone who is like you. From my experience, relationships have a higher chance of success if both partners have similar sexual pasts and generally have the same ideas and approach to sex and relationships. If you’re simply looking to lose your virginity, then perhaps hooking up with an older woman would be a good idea. There are women who not only wouldn’t mind sleeping with an inexperienced young man, but might be specifically interested in somebody like you for a casual connection. One of my college buddies was a virgin till he was 25, then he got together with a slightly older woman, and after that things proceeded quite smoothly. I also knew a guy who was a virgin till he was in his 40’s, then had quite a few short-termed relationships and eventually got married.
Els Posted November 15 Posted November 15 (edited) Despite what everyone claims they are doing, it's actually fairly common for 21 year olds to not have had sex yet. I think you're getting way too much in your head about it. If you can't talk to women at all, then that's a problem that you need to address in therapy, but having had sex (or not) is not relevant at all. Guess how many women think: "oh wow, this guy is really awkward and I can't have a proper conversation with him, but he's not a virgin so it's okay, guess I'll date him anyway"? The answer is ZERO. The women who don't mind social awkwardness won't mind either way, and the ones who do will mind either way. Edited November 15 by Els
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