My husband is on dating apps

[Jessica1992]

Papers aren’t even finished — we’re still tangled in the middle of all the bureaucracy, signatures, and endless waiting — and I check him on DoTheySwipe… he’s already out there dating, like nothing ever happened. It feels surreal. Eleven years of marriage, of shared memories, struggles, and plans for the future — and he just jumps right back into the dating market as if it was all disposable.

I can’t wrap my head around it. While he’s out meeting new people, chatting, flirting, moving on effortlessly, I can’t even bring myself to sleep at night. My mind keeps replaying everything — every argument, every moment I thought we could fix things. I wake up with this heavy feeling in my chest, wondering how someone can detach so fast, how love can fade so completely for one person while the other is still drowning in it.

Now I am wondering, could he been also using dating apps while in our marriage?
Even if not - how could he move on so quickly?

[Carlston]

Some people move on faster than others.

I was dating before I even moved out of the marital residence. The divorce was in process but wouldn't be done for 3 more years.

I wasn't going to sit around and wait.

 

 

[Sanch62]

4 hours ago, Jessica1992 said:

Now I am wondering, could he been also using dating apps while in our marriage?
Even if not - how could he move on so quickly?

You can google this: on average, more than half of divorcing people want a divorce for a year or longer before starting the process.

So this feels quick for you, not so much for him.

Your last post was already about tracking down his tinder use, so I'm not sure whether you were already separated then?

Either way, it's understandable that you are suffering, and your grief is natural. Are you getting any help to process this? Wouldn't you find it comforting to vent to a sounding board who is trained to help you, over time, move your focus onto ways you can soothe rather than torture yourself?

My heart goes out to you. Please feel free to write here, and I hope we can help.

Edited Saturday at 06:21 PM by Sanch62

[Gebidozo]

You both have already agreed to a divorce. Waiting for the formal finalization of the process before moving on is not going to change the fact that the marriage is over. He has moved on, and so should you.

The divorce didn’t just come out of nowhere. Falling out of love takes time. It may seem sudden to you, but to the one who initiates the separation this is usually just the final step in a long, painful mental process. You think that he just switched between loving you and liking some other woman on a dating app overnight, but it is not so, it took time for him too.

[MsJayne]

Sorry you're going through this, but try not to take it so hard. He's probably looking for meaningless flings to fill the void, some people are just like that.