Scared I ruined reconnecting with an old friend out of my own excitement

[aworriedfriend]

Hello, I want to preface this by saying that I am a young adult, and this situation may seem very unimportant, but it has really been eating at me, and I’m not sure what steps to take next. 

 

About 2 weeks ago, I was able to reconnect with an old friend who had gone missing online, and I was really excited and pumped to be able to connect with someone like that again, especially someone who, to me, was really cool. As the days passed, I would message them in direct messages at least once a day and was also pretty consistently interacting with their posts. At the time, I didn’t realize that I was probably being vaguely annoying because I was very happy to talk to an old friend, but pretty quickly, most interactions we had died out, with me only getting small responses if I directly messaged them. I am worried that I messed up first impressions, and not sure what I should do next

 

I am a dreadful overthinker, so there have been a few reasons why I think this could happen. 1. From my knowledge, there are a lot of freaks who are in their comments, and I’m afraid I have come off like one of those. 2. I have tried to get into a few of their interests as I usually think that's the best way to establish a connection when making new friends, but I'm worried that might have come off as weird and invasive. And 3. Just spamming and coming off as annoying, ruining things. 

 

It didn’t help that last week something happened which I can’t tell if it was a bug or a softblock, and that has stressed me out because I frankly don’t want to be an annoying presence, and if that was a polite way of saying that I don’t want to be ignorant.

 

I don’t know, I am sure this is just overthinking, but I just care a lot about seeing what I could do in this situation. I have ideas, but I'm conflicted. Thank you.

[ShyViolet]

Have you ever met this person in real life?

If you are the one always initiating contact, always messaging first, and you are getting shorter and shorter responses, then yes you are probably coming off as annoying to them and they probably don't want to talk as much as you do.  Read their cues and stop pestering them so much.  It sounds like you already know this, now it's just a matter of controlling your impulses and containing your clinginess.

[Sanch62]

I wouldn't internalize this so much. Pull back your microscope to consider a larger picture. Most people are happy to hear from an old acquaintance, so initial messages will reflect that. But most people aren't invested in the effort of maintaining regular pen-pal contact, so they taper off. It's not an offense.

Consider this in the same spirit as one hoping that a lovely and enjoyable neighbor doesn't show up at one's door daily. It doesn't mean that they can't be appreciated from afar and enjoyed with sincerity on occasion, but privacy is of value to them.

I'd just pull back on the interaction and move my focus onto other people and discussions. No apologies are necessary, and this doesn't mean you'll never hear from them again.

[Els]

I don't think you did anything wrong. Messaging someone once a day isn't inherently bad or spammy, although it could certainly be more than the other person is willing to invest in someone who is practically an acquaintance. 

Besides, it might not be about you at all. They might just be going through a busy period of their life, and have other priorities to deal with. Job, family, household issues, chores, pets, etc.

That's not a bad thing either, we all have to prioritize, and unfortunately for many people reconnecting with an old friend isn't that high on the list. 

[knotafraid]

Just like you said, you were very happy to connect, and in my world there's nothing wrong with that at all. You were being you and there's no better person to be, so if they aren't responding as much then that could be them and how they are.

I totally get you, when I reconnect with an old friend I'm excited and happy too because I value friendship, especially old friends immensely. 

My advice would be, if they continue to not seem as interested, try not to contact them for a bit to see if they contact you and that will be your answer.