Second chance ...

[Hopelessinlove]

Hey! 

So, I am in a total whirlwind in my life at the moment, and I would love some insight from others. 

I am 34, as of yesterday! I was in a relationship for 5 years. It was absolutely perfect in my eyes. We had a really good relationship, where we hardly ever argued, sex was great, laughed, spent time together, etc. I paid all the bills, rent, food, etc, for the last 5 years, including his divorce and also the help he needed to pay his ex-wife for his kid. I also paid the child maintenance, etc, as the bloke was and still is in a lot of debt; he also works. ( I brought up his child for the last 5 years as she is my own )

We had just moved house, and he advised that he wanted to go on holiday to get away from the stress of moving, etc. I paid for him and his daughter to go away for two weeks. The idea was that I was going to join them. However, I decided to stay at home, get the house in order, and work also, so when he came back, the house was done, and he didn't need to worry. 

He came back and told me that he didn't know if he had the same feelings for me anymore. Well, 4 days after he got back. We had sex in that time, he still told me he loved me every day, multiple times a day. When he announced, I asked if there was anyone else. He told me that, actually, yes, a woman from 20 years ago. She lives 4.5 hours away, has 3 young kids, two of them are disabled, so she doesn't work, and also, at the time, her ex was living with her. I knew about this woman and he always did tell me that if he ever saw her again, he wouldn't know how he would feel about her. It turns out she went to see him whilst he was on holiday for a coffee with her brother and one of her children ...

Of course, when it happened, I saw red, I messaged her, I messaged her ex boyfriend etc. They got into a relationship 24 hours after he told me. They argued, they have now split up because she doesn't have time for him and basically was horrible to him. We have had a few arguments since it all happened, mainly me starting them for plenty of reasons, etc.

Moving on, I am in a dark place, mentally. He is now in the same dark place as me. As I am depressed over everything, he is now feeling the heart break just like I have been. He is visibally depressed, where as I am trying to hide it. We still live together, and I am still looking after his child when he works etc. 

On Saturday, after being cold with me since the break up ... he admits to his sister that he is going to give us a chance. Not now, but in the future. We had a drink all of us, I never drink, ever. So to me, it was a huge shock with what was going on. He has said that this chance doesn't mean that his feelings will come back, however, when he can give us a chance ( when both of us are mentally in a better place, he will give it his all to hopefully make it work ) 

Since then, Sunday, and yesterday, we have slept together numerous of times ... both of us agreed, that it would be better for us to sleep with each other, rather than other people. He told me that he is only wanting sex at the moment, and that he doesn't have feelings, as he is still getting over the love he has for this other woman. I told him that I understood and I honestly do. I am going through the breakup myself. I love this man. A chance for "us" is all I have ever asked for, this man is my world. I don't have family or friends around or close to me. His daughter is my step daughter and we really are close. 

Heres the question .. what do you all think? Please, I ask you to not tell me to run, to stop or to forget it. I know what I should do, I know what a lot of people say, but this man is my soul mate, and all I want is him back. If anyone is in, or has been in the same position, please comment

 

Thanks for reading <3

 

 

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, Hopelessinlove said:

Heres the question .. what do you all think?

I think you were in a codependent relationship, and that your desire to be with a man who broke up with you and got together with another woman testifies of some deep issues that you need to solve. Use this opportunity to get far away from him and start working on your mental healing.

 

4 hours ago, Hopelessinlove said:

Please, I ask you to not tell me to run, to stop or to forget it. I know what I should do

If you know what you should do, do it. Of course you need to stop this insanity. 

 

4 hours ago, Hopelessinlove said:

this man is my soul mate, and all I want is him back

Of course he isn’t your soul mate. Your soul mate would have never betrayed you, broken up with you, treated you with utter disrespect, and used you.

Please, just stop for a second and read what you just wrote yourself about him:

He told me that he is only wanting sex at the moment, and that he doesn't have feelings, as he is still getting over the love he has for this other woman.

In what kind of a nightmarish world would a soul mate speak and feel like that?

You are allowing that guy to abuse you. Please get help!

Edited Tuesday at 04:19 PM by Gebidozo

[flitzanu]

have you tried talking to his soulmate from 20 years ago again to see if maybe she wants to help split the cost of supporting him, or paying his rent and paying to raise his child?

[Sanch62]

16 hours ago, Hopelessinlove said:

Heres the question .. what do you all think? Please, I ask you to not tell me to run, to stop or to forget it. I know what I should do,

You've answered this question for yourself while asking us for opinions, yet telling us how NOT to answer.

I hope you will opt for self-respect and trust that you are stronger than you believe.

You will thank yourself sooner rather than later.

Head high.