Is it normal for girlfriends to hang out with unknown men at bars

[Anonymous]

I would feel a bit better about the situation if maybe someone could share that this is a normal experience. 

 

My girlfriend goes out with her friends fairly regularly , not every weekend but on average maybe one night out of two weeks she will go to a bar with her friends.

 

The problem I have is that when she goes with her friends those friends always bring friends and those friends bring friends, etc. so that she ends up spending significant amounts of time in groups at bars with single men.

 

It's built in to her nights out because there could be 4-5 of her girlfriends there who bring friends my gf doesn't know and those people being friends.

 

She ends up being out drinking with stranger guys she's never met before. Of course her female friends are there too

 

And I am noticing that I have an issue with this. My rational self tells me this is completely normal and common.

 

Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing who would maybe be able to give me some insight on this being normal behavior ?

 

I have always been a bit of a homebody for 1 , for 2 I generally work weekends, and for 3 even when I do go out I don't drink so me going to a bar setting with a bunch of people drinking (and when my GFS crows is the one in question it's generally drinking large amounts) isn't going to happen often. That's why I don't go the majority of the time. But she likes going.

 

I am having a difficult time getting over this. I think if alcohol was not involved I would not care, but the idea of her being around men who are single (I know that some of them are because she always tells me about her night out after and gives me random details like this ) all night while everyone is drinking just rubs me the wrong way.

 

Would be great if anyone could offer some advice or maybe a different perspective or way to view it

 

She doesn't stay anywhere over night, she comes home, she doesn't get phone numbers or give out social media, so I really feel like I shouldn't care and should be happy she's out having fun. Just struggling with it

 

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, Anonymous said:

My rational self tells me this is completely normal and common.

Well, then maybe you should listen to your rational self.

You have to understand that the problem here isn’t her behavior, it’s your reaction to it. You’re overpowered by your anxiety and allow your insecurities to possess you to the point that you’re bothered by something that you know yourself to be normal and common.

In fact, it’s also completely normal to exchange phone numbers and social media. If you’re jealous and insecure whenever your girlfriend chats with a single guy on phone or social media, then it’s surely your problem and not hers.

Treating those issues, possibly through therapy, is the priority here. Meanwhile, try not to exhibit any sort of controlling behavior towards your girlfriend.

[ShyViolet]

It really sounds like you are the one being insecure and paranoid.  She goes out to bars with groups of friends.  It doesn't sound like she's doing anything wrong.  Nothing in your post suggests that she's actually flirting or looking for guys.  If you want a girlfriend who will never be around single men, you'll have to date someone who is a huge homebody like you and who never goes out.  Maybe a girl who likes to go out to bars and hang out with groups of people is not the ideal gf for you.

[Els]

Are you invited and you just declined, or are you not invited?

If the former, then yes it's totally normal and I think it's unreasonable to have an issue with it. Especially if she's only going once a fortnight and it's not impacting the amount of time you two spend together.

If the latter, yeah I'd feel a bit weird about it too. If her female friends can bring male friends, it's not really a "girls' night" any longer, so you should be invited.

[Sanch62]

17 hours ago, Anonymous said:

The problem I have is that when she goes with her friends those friends always bring friends and those friends bring friends, etc. so that she ends up spending significant amounts of time in groups at bars with single men.

In other words, she's out in the world with a natural population; the same population she's navigated her whole adult life prior to meeting YOU, choosing YOU, and moving in with YOU?