My girlfriend wants to lose weight but it makes her unhappy

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend wants to lose weight and when she does she gets very, very moody. 

 

She doesn't show affection like normal, she's much quicker to irritation, she doesn't want to conversate as much, and she basically lives in a state of heightened aggression and anger

 

So- she acts exactly like you would expect someone who is hangry/ going without food to act.

 

She has lost weight before and told me that she was a pretty unhappy / borderline miserable person when she did it, but at that time she didn't have a partner so it didn't matter as much because she wasn't around someone every day who had to experience the kind of unpleasant effects of her dieting with her

 

I want to be supportive of her weight loss (although i do think the 30 pounds she says she needs to lose is way too much)

But I have tried to gently bring up how it affects her mood and our relationship overall and she acknowledged that she knows it does, but is determined to lose the weight 

 

I kind of feel like I'm being a little bit of a man-child because the sorts of things I notice are less hugs, less interest in conversation we have when waking up lying in bed or conversations at the end of the day in bed before we fall asleep. There isn't any of the usual random acts of kindness or affection I've come to know her to give/do

 

 

Is this something where I should just tough it out and give her all the support she needs and kind of be willing to take a back seat for a few months while she focuses on losing weight? 

Any ladies out there have any experience with this and how did you resolve it or what did you need/want from your partner during weight loss and the irritability it can cause

[ShyViolet]

Losing weight shouldn't cause this.  It sounds like she is doing weight loss in an unhealthy way, just starving herself and leaving her body deficient in what it needs to function properly.  She isn't going about this the right way.

All you can do is try to gently tell her you are concerned for her health and that you support her in her weight loss goals if that is what she wants, but you're concerned she might be doing it in an unhealthy way.   But ultimately you don't have control over this and she's going to do what she wants to do.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think you mauy be misattributing some of the issue here. 

Sure, not eating enough can cause irritatibility, especially if she is generally happy with herself in general. But  there seems to be a larger disconnect in your relationship that you're both trying to assign to dieting when that might not be the sole cause. I doubt it is, actually. 

You can be supportive of her weight loss whlie still being concerned about her approach and the way she is behaving towards you. Something else is going on with her. 

[Els]

Has she talked to a dietitian and come up with a healthy diet plan? I mean a registered dietitian, not just some online "wellness coach". They can advise her on the best way to lose weight - the type of foods that you eat matter, getting enough nutrition and protein and healthy fats etc.

I mean, yeah, losing weight sucks especially for women (the hormones in our bodies try to resist it because some amount of body fat is needed for reproduction, and our bodies haven't evolved past the hunter-gatherer days when getting enough body fat was difficult). But it can suck quite a bit less with the right knowledge and assistance.

 

[flitzanu]

you're basically saying that "being hangry" is an appropriate excuse to have terrible behavior and treat people poorly, and it isn't.

[Sanch62]

The only way for weight loss to be sustainable is to adopt manageable lifestyle changes that can help one thrive.

Starvation isn't one of those. 

I'd ask her if she'd like my help to find a program supervised by a Registered Dietician, to include healthy teaching and coaching. Otherwise, she'll just make both of you miserable for results that are possibly dangerous.

What's the point of 'supporting' that?