GF Prison Penpal Writing - is this suspicious?

[justanotherdudeguy]

I’m going to try to keep this short as I am kind of startled by all this and have a tendency to rattle. GF and I (both mid 20s) have been together for about six years now. We met during our first year at uni. However, our relationship has been in something of a rut as of late. I've talked about this with my mates because I couldn't make sense of it, and they said it's normal. After 6 years, you get used to each other and sometimes you need to breathe new life into the relationship. figured that could be it because we haven't been in the habit of doing exciting stuff together (going on dates) or for example travelling. We used to do this a lot. BUT - GF is settling into a new job, which has been taking up a lot of her time and thought as well, so understandable in a way.

I decided to take more initiative to keep our relationship exciting, so we went away a few times to do things that were totally outside of our comfort zone. Which ended up being a huge disappointment. GF seemed more annoyed than enthusiastic, she asked herself why I suddenly wanted to do things that did not interest her at all. The other day, I was using her computer for work because mine was being repaired and found out on her e mail address she has been making all kinds of payments to something called JPAY.

Of course I had no clue what JPAY is. I googled it. It is basically a platform that lets you communicate (through email-like messages) with someone in jail or prison. (You do have to pay real money to do this.) And then there were emails saying this one guy (let’s say T) sent her a message from a tablet. Frequently. I don’t know anything about this JPAY website so I didn’t log into her account (wouldn’t know how, either) but now that I know she has been doing this, I am itching to. The start of her communication with this guy sort of coincides with when I started feeling like something was off (around January) and idk, I am weirded out by the fact that she never told me about this. Spending money she works so hard for to talk to a guy who is in prison? For something pretty horrendous as well. There is a wiki page for what he did.

Has anyone ever done this (writing to prisoners?) What was your intention in doing so? I know she does not know T guy in real life (or knew him before he went to prison) because he is from another state and was put in prison when we were 6 years old or so. I have never known her to have an interest or whatever in writing to prisoners or even an interest in prisoners’ lives. And I don’t know if I should just ask her about this as she might feel hurt by the fact that I read her emails. I sort of looked through all of them and there was nothign else that was particularly crazy or suspicious, but the continuous back and forth with this T I feel uncomfortable with because I don't know what to make of it? Just looking for some advice here because I’m kind of bursting with t he fact that I know but haven’t said anything about it. I talked to one of my best buddies and he said it was weird, but it could just be a penpal thing. What do you think?

[Sony12]

Women being attracted to men in prison isn't really anything new. People would probably be surprised how many letters some men in prison get from certain women. It probably just goes with the stereotypical 'bad boy' attraction many young women have.

That said your message really does sound like this is a relationship you need to get out of. It sounds like it is practically over already. Added to that is her choosing to communicate with men who are on the dangerous side and who knows what they might do when or if they got out.

I think you need to get out of this relationship as quickly as you can. It's her choice to get involved with men like that if she chooses to. But don't allow the fact that she likes talking to dangerous men potentially affect your safety.

Edited October 25 by Sony12

[justanotherdudeguy]

46 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Women being attracted to men in prison isn't really anything new. People would probably be surprised how many letters some men in prison get from certain women. It probably just goes with the stereotypical 'bad boy' attraction many young women have.

 

I am really surprised by this. I don't know if there is an attraction there, GF has always liked sensitive and gentle guys, nothing to indicate she would like "bad guys" as you say. I know she has an interest in true crime and sometimes watched docs / read books, but again nothing that would make me suspect she is attracted to behavior like that. Or people with such a background. It's a scary thought because these are dangerous men. The guy she is talking to isa prisoner sentenced to life.  I don't know where her head is at

[justanotherdudeguy]

46 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

It sounds like it is practically over already. Added to that is her choosing to communicate with men who are on the dangerous side and who knows what they might do when or if they got out.

 You're not wrong, it is not just the example about the different dates we went on. It's also sex (she used to take initiative, not anymore, also doesn't wanna do anything but missionary anymore, which, fine but it's weird that suddenly that's all she wants to do anymore), the way she acts when we're with out friends or even late at night when we're on the couch watching TV. We used to sit together all the time, eat some snacks, enjoy a good movie and the silly commentary we would provide. That's kinda died down. She's always busy for work these days and while I get she's getting started in a higher up position at her job, which I'm proud of for her, it's demotivating? She doesn't want to make time for our RS. When I ask her she tells me I can be a bit more understanding. It's like a cycle.

[Sony12]

43 minutes ago, justanotherdudeguy said:

 You're not wrong, it is not just the example about the different dates we went on. It's also sex (she used to take initiative, not anymore, also doesn't wanna do anything but missionary anymore, which, fine but it's weird that suddenly that's all she wants to do anymore), the way she acts when we're with out friends or even late at night when we're on the couch watching TV. We used to sit together all the time, eat some snacks, enjoy a good movie and the silly commentary we would provide. That's kinda died down. She's always busy for work these days and while I get she's getting started in a higher up position at her job, which I'm proud of for her, it's demotivating? She doesn't want to make time for our RS. When I ask her she tells me I can be a bit more understanding. It's like a cycle.

The missionary position is an easy position for women to be in as long as they are able to handle the guy's anatomy. All they have to do is lay there on their back while the guy does his thing. Women who enjoy being on top is usually a sign that she is with a guy that she is really attracted to and that she is having a lot of fun being in bed with.

Edited October 25 by Sony12

[Sanch62]

11 hours ago, justanotherdudeguy said:

I don’t know if I should just ask her about this as she might feel hurt by the fact that I read her emails.

You can refer to the browser history instead of her email as your reason for curiosity about the JPay site. You can say it's your habit to click History on your own machine, but you noticed your mistake and hoped she might want to share with you what those JPay visits are about.