Is this abusive behavior

[Anonymous]

Would you consider this abusive ? 

 

I realize this is kind of a stupid/silly thing and example. But I'm wondering what other people think of things like this.

 

My girlfriend says and does things to sort of intentionally rile me up. I grew up without a dad and basically got zero skills as far as mechanical, handyman stuff 

 

Today I was hanging curtains for her and they ended up slightly uneven.

 

Long story short they've been hung up for a while and she comes into the room and says "I think next time I'll get a handyman" and walks out

 

I knew immediately that she was trying to make me feel bad and I said something to her right after. She played it off for a second and I said to her I know what you just did and so do you. And she starts giggling and says ok you're right I'm sorry

 

She does similar things to this where it's like somewhat kind of could be a joke but also I know her motives are a bit malicious and she pretty much usually affirms that yeah, I was taking a jab at you.

 

It's hard to think of things right off the top of my head but there have been several times where we've had this dynamic of her intentionally doing or saying something just to be kind of spiteful and hurtful and she denies it and pretends it was innocent and then she admits she just did it to bother me or make me feel bad.

 

The more I write it out I do feel like it's kind of abusive

[basil67]

I wouldn't call it abusive.  Annoying - yes.    A big hurtful - yes.   But not abusive

Edited October 20 by basil67

[Gebidozo]

Personally, I wouldn’t consider this abusive, but I’d probably consider this hurtful, especially if it’s a recurrent thing.

Like you, I grew up without a Dad, and I’m absolutely terrible at mechanical and handyman stuff. I once accidentally broke something in the shower and couldn’t repair it. My then-wife told me, “Can’t you be more like a man?”. I remember feeling really hurt by that remark.

I think you should tell her how you feel, and ask her to be a bit more gentle.

 

[Sanch62]

7 hours ago, Anonymous said:

...I know her motives are a bit malicious,,,

...intentionally doing or saying something just to be kind of spiteful and hurtful

... then she admits she just did it to bother me or make me feel bad.

She's malicious, spiteful, hurtful, and deliberately makes you feel bad. That's not awful enough for you to question whether this is how you want to live?

You don't need to build a case to exit from anyone you don't trust to have your back and be on the same side instead of your adversary. You don't need to reach for the most extreme word to justify telling her that this relationship isn't working for you, and you're walking away while you both still think highly of one another.

All relationships being voluntary, either person can end one at any time. Breakups are not a democracy. You don't need to negotiate; you don't need her to agree. You just need the self-respect to do it, and you don't owe anyone any explanations.

Head high.

[flitzanu]

if she is giggling and admitting it to you, that sounds like she's teasing you, that's not what i'd call "abusive"