AZKHO Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 I was wondering if I could get some advice from people. I am sure i will get critisizm as well, but here goes. I got with a guy about 4-5 months ago and when i first met him, i knew that he had a girlfriend with a baby on the way. I entered an emotional relationship and friendship with him anyways. Obviously now we have had sexual relations. You could call it an affair. I currently moved away from there, but still have contact with him every day. He is coming to visit me, and I am not sure what to do. I have feelings for him, though we still try to convince ourselves we are just friends. When i lived in the same area as him, i saw him on a daily basis. At least for a few hours. We would go to eat, drive around, or he would come over to my house. He is scheduled to get married later this year to this women that he has been with for a year or so. She has suspions, and has asked, but dropped the issue after seeing he didn't like her asking. Anyways. I don't know what to do with this situation. I really like him alot and we have become like best friends. I know he cares as well. When he comes here, i want to talk to him about this, i want to know where this is going. We can not possibly just be friends at this point. Please I need some advice. I have been cheated on before so i know how it feels to be the "wifey" at home. Please give me some advice. He is not married yet, should i tell him that it is me or her? What do i do?
JadeStar Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 If you really like/care about him, then let him go. This man belongs to another women that has a baby on the way. Chances are at some point she will find out. If he can do this WITH you, then chances are he can DO IT to you too. Meaning he will probably step out on you too. Hes doing it to his wife to be so its no different. I say cut him loose. BTW, your honesty doesn't mean justification. Jade
sylviaguardian Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 You know yourself the only reason why you haven't said 'Me or her' before, is because he will choose her. Why would he continue with his marriage plans if he loved you. Wouldn't it be easier to call it a day before they get married. If you want to go on being a plaything for this man then invite him round. But if you want to have a relationship built on love, not lust then tell him you've changed your mind and he can't come anymore. It will be hard and it will take you a bit of time to heal but then at least you will be in the running for a real relationship with someone who cares for you. Too difficult to do? OK then do the 'Me or her' thing and he will do it for you. Sorry to be blunt but this guy is having his cake and eating it. I know you might love him but it is obvious he is enjoying having a wife and child at home as well as a part-time girlfriend in secret. He will not want to change it, why would he? But is this what YOU want from life, or could you dare to ask for something more?
Author AZKHO Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 Right now it seems ok to be doing this with him. I did not think that i would evolve feeling for him. The thing is I know his family, his friends, and he knows all of mine as well. Do you think it would be alright to be friends with him, without the relationship, or do you think it would be possible. I know that this is not what I want forever, but it suffices for this moment in my life. I was in a four year relationship until about a year and a half ago and it ended horribly. He really broke my heart and truthfully i am still not healed. I think he took a part of me that can't be replaced, so I deal with it and don't get involved because I don't want to be hurt, but now look what i have done. Right before I met this guy, I was dating another guy, married with kids, and we were living together, he got me knocked up and then bailed on the responsibility, so ran back to his life of crack and lies. i suppose i sound like a mess. Really I am not. I am currently enrolled full time at a university working on my degree. I come from a pretty crazy house growing up, but my parents never cheated on one another. I am not sure where i get the idea this is ok. I hated the girl who was with my ex that broke my heart. What am I doing. Why does it feel so right, but everything thinks its so wrong???
sara123 Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 I have a friend who was in the exact same position as you. In the beginning the guy was planning on getting married and his fiance was pregnate. Now, he is married, has a new baby and is still being a scumball. He still comes over to see my friend a few times a week, says he working over time, while his wife and new baby are home alone. I think it is a bad idea and i don't even know how a guy could do this. Chances are you aren't the only one, and if you are once you make him choose he will choose her and then find someone else to have an affair with. Cut him loose before you get even more attached. Think about if that were your husband and how you would feel...
jmargel Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 He's doing this to stroke his ego, for the excitement, for the thrill. You have become his victim. He will say anything that pulls your heartstrings enough to give him sex and to keep this affair quiet. Even if he were to leave this other woman and be with you, you would constantly be on edge. How do you know he wouldn't do the same thing to you? Good chance he would. The relationship would be doomed from the start. He is also cheating you out of alot of things as well but making you feel 'just quite not good enough' to be with in a committed relationship. He is doing the same thing to his fiance. You want to be a friend? Be a friend to his fiance. Tell her what's been going on. She deserves to know what kind of person he is before she marries him under false pretense. And you deserve better, you know it. You've been cheated on, so why do the same to someone else? His fiance hasn't done anything to you. Tell his fiance and break all contact from him. Find someone who is worth your time. I can guarantee if you continue to pursue this in the end you will just be wasting alot of valuable time that you could have invested into someone else. You only have one life, time is precious. Don't waste it.
Recommended Posts