Dealing with girlfriend who has difficult PMS/luteal cycles

[Anonymous]

She told me her cycle is unique because instead of being 28 or 30 days it's more like 20 days , so she spends a significant amount of time in her luteal phase

 

Before I met her I didn't know anything about luteal cycles, had never even heard of it

When we first met for the first maybe 9 months she said she was better at hiding it. Not so much hiding anymore and she is generally very sweet and caring and loving. During her luteal cycles she doesn't want anything to do with me for the most part. 

She gets quite moody, distant, doesn't want to talk, doesn't text much , regularly says she needs time to herself

 

 

I'm trying to figure out how I can internalize that this is just what she needs during this time, and it doesn't mean she doesn't care about me 

 

I know she still loves me but when we go from being extremely loving and wanting to spend a lot of time together to her either directly or in roundabout ways telling me she doesn't want to be around me right now (could be a few hours or a day and night apart) it's really hard for me to adapt to that 

 

I know it's not her fault. I want to be loving and supportive but am having a hard time taking my feelings out of it

 

Is there anything someone could recommended me

[basil67]

So one week out of three, she wants nothing to do with you? 

It may not be her fault, but how is this going to look long term?   What if the two of you were to move in together?  What about if she has kids?  She can't just switch off then and expect a harmonious life.   

Is she doing anything to help address it?   Would the contraceptive pill help?

[MsJayne]

That's rough on her. If she feels so drained and unwell during this time then she probably needs some type of hormonal intervention, perhaps, as @basil67said, the contraceptive pill may help, ( it would change her cycle to 28 days), or estrogen supplements, (there are natural products available, she can research this online if she hasn't already done this). Having a 20 day cycle I'm surprised her GP hasn't already suggested possibilities for coping with this debilitating condition, and if they haven't then she should perhaps find a GP who specialises in women's health issues. I think most people aren't really aware of the huge impact fluctuating hormones have on mood and energy levels, for some women it's literally like being really ill once a month and can actually change the sufferers personality,  so perhaps if you view the problem through that lens you can understand why she doesn't want to be around people. On that point, though I can understand her not feeling like being social or doing anything which requires energy, I also understand why you feel rejected one week out of three. She needs to medically address the problem because otherwise relationships are going to be very difficult.

[Sanch62]

To feel less emotional rejection, try an experiment using a jumbo office binder clip. Clamp that onto the skin of your lower abdomen to cause just some mild pain. Try walking around your home in that state to see how long you can tolerate it, and observe how distracted you might become from being able to enjoy a visitor during this time.

For more accuracy, do this while you're also suffering a hangover headache.

So that's the sympathy part, which only gives you an idea of how she's feeling, but this doesn't help to resolve the issue. Have you asked about her diagnosis and treatment plan? There are many advanced techniques to treat fibroids that retain fertility, and there are other treatments for other possible causes of your GF's symptoms.

I would speak with her about this during one of her good days. I'm sorry for both of you, and I hope you can work through this.

Edited October 18 by Sanch62

[Els]

She needs to talk to a medical professional. I used to get terrible PMDD symptoms as well, which were completely cured by the combined oral contraceptive. Some women unfortunately can't take that due to family history etc, but if the doctor determines that she's fine to take it, it's well worth a shot.

For the record, when I first started the pill, the emotional symptoms got WORSE before they got better, though, for a few months. But sticking it out was so worth it!

Edited October 18 by Els