Rainswept77 Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Hello everybody at the moment I can't really even think correctly, I just got clobbered and smashed by the most vile e-mail I ever read, so much so that feel disabled at the moment. I'm trying to gain perspective, I don't even know if I'm suppose to write anything back, I'm just in a state of awe, It all came from left field, sad thing is I didn't even do anything wrong. its just not fair, I can't even muster the strength to write anything. I'm just sitting here totally clobbered. Why is it when they suddenly discover they don't care about you, that they have to treat you like a piece of garbage? Like hearing the news of breaking up is bad as it is, but why write a lengthy e-mail entailing that they never cared at all....why? ~RS77
bluechocolate Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 I'm sorry you're feeling so clobbered. Like hearing the news of breaking up is bad as it is, but why write a lengthy e-mail entailing that they never cared at all....why? Vindictive. Revengeful. Petty. Immature. I take it this wasn't a direct response to a similar email from yourself? He really needs to stamp authority on the finality of your relationship for some reason. Did he always have to have the last word in everything? It's not a good time right now, but I bet at some time in the future you'll have a good chuckle at his stupid email.
Author Rainswept77 Posted January 18, 2006 Author Posted January 18, 2006 Thanks Blue I am actually a guy....lol, But yeah I have a poetic side to me, so my username could be misleading But anyways, I initiated NC immmediately, in fact this is how I got over all my ex's. But yeah I am in disbelief over this all. I was never a wussy in the relationship, but I was good to her. I decided to go shoppin today to try and cheer myself up. and it made me excited about the future. But those horrible feelings always come back. I guess I'm just tryin to carry on, The e-mail was filled with malice, I really don't know what brought it all on. (She saids she has changed). I think maybe college did this to her. I know that I can't go back no matter how much it hurts, that e-mail made that impossible, she humilated me, and destroyed me. How can I ignore all the horrbile things she said? Those words cut deep, affected my self esteem. My last ex hurt me just as bad, and sent me into a 5 year Storm. I don't want to go back there, I really belive pain is a place. I hid in solitude for 5 years, and I don't want to go there again. I wish I was wired different, But I know I'll never grovel for her back, I'll say that. I been here many times to know that one day she'll know what she lost, and that she'll return one day. I'll be here, and when that time comes I'll know I'll have to teach her another life lesson. regards RS77
skeptik224 Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 First off, I'm sorry that she felt the need to send you that e-mail. It's vindictive, cruel and unnecessary. You've got to believe that you are worth way more than that. That's just her pety way of pushing the knife in deeper...for no reason other than her selfishness. It's kind of like when people put down other people - they are doing it to make themselves feel more powerful at someone else's expense. Why did you guys break up in the first place? Who broke up with who?
UT_longhorn Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 rainswept...im so sorry to hear about your pain man. thats really discouraging to hear that. but you've got the right mindset man. you're not gonna grovel or beg...ur gonna go into NC. you know where youve been in the past and you definately dont want to go there. post alot here man. you'll find a lot of support from good people. stay strong. you'll only be stronger from this man.
Author Rainswept77 Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 Thanks guys It almost feels weird saying, "Thanks for caring" This is such a wonderful website with wonderful people, and I am so happy I found a place like this Well she was the one who broke up with me, On Christmas day we got into an arguement that she started, She said We don't see each other alot anymore, I continued to explain to her, that she was now at a prestigious college, Taking a very difficult Major, (she wants to be a Pharmacist) I explained to her that I wanted her to have all the time in the world to study n such. I told her that I was letting her decide when to make time. She kinda went with that, and I thought everything was alright. A week later we made plans to get together, I was suppose to pick her up from the train station (she's 1 hour away)...However she never arrived. She blew me off, and first thing I noticed was the irregularity in her rings when I called her cell phone, I came to the conclusion she was hitting the ignore button , and I was being taken to her answering machine quicker than usual. I was very nervous about this and she ignored every attempt to contact me whether phone or e-mail, Days went by with no answer, I knew she was reading my e-mails, because I had them stamped. So I wrote her an angry e-mail out of haste, She responded with the e-mail that hurt me. And here I am now, still have no answers, she caught me on AIM yesterday and tried to explain and downplay the e-mail, I thought it was to late for that. she said she had a class to go to, and asked me to wait.....I waited for about a half hour, and asked myself what I was doing, I thought it was worse to understand. Theres already been so many lies in the relationship, I didn't want to sort through them all, wondering which ones were valid I didn't want to be a detective anymore in this relationship, It was a moment of clarity, ::sigh:: SoI created a new screen name and packed my things and left. I never waited for her to come back, I just left. I admit I was afraid, I didn't want get hurt anymore. Right now I don't know what to do, I don't want to enter hiding again, because last time that lasted almost 5 years, and I also avoided any new prospects. Its such an injustice, you don't ignore someone for days, making them wonder what happened to you. I don't know anymore. and I don't know what to do. Regards RS77
skeptik224 Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Don't go into hiding. It only prolongs your healing. I do believe that some alone time is what's NECESSARY, and if you don't take it...you're putting things off. (this goes for both the dumper and dumpee) I'm sure her e-mail, now hearing some more of the story, was a retaliation of some sort. She probably didn't like what you had to say and got defensive. IT STILL DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT. Nobody deserves to have hate/anger...especially when it's with someone they love. I'm still a little confused, though. You said that she broke up with you but you told her she should take space for her school?
Author Rainswept77 Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 Thanks for replying Skeptic She was frustrated at one point because I never asked to see her, I wanted to be considerate and not bother her to much and hound as you will, she always had alot of homework and tests to study for, I wanted to give her alot of breathing room, I was puttin my needs second. I always let her do what she wanted, wheter it was hang out with guy friends, or go to parties or even clubs or bars. And this was quite an accomplishment for me, because I used to be super jealous, litterally I used to be in flames. but that was long ago. I felt this relationship was a way for me to Atone for everything I ever did wrong in the past.
Author Rainswept77 Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 Thanks for replying Skeptic She was frustrated at one point because I never asked to see her, I wanted to be considerate and not bother her to much and hound as you will, she always had alot of homework and tests to study for, I wanted to give her alot of breathing room, I was puttin my needs second. I always let her do what she wanted, wheter it was hang out with guy friends, or go to parties or even clubs or bars. And this was quite an accomplishment for me, because I used to be super jealous, litterally I used to be in flames. but that was long ago. I felt this relationship was a way for me to Atone for everything I ever did wrong in the past. Yes I wrote her an angry e-mail, I already gathered enough evidence to know what was going on, my angry e-mail never insulted her or offended her in any way, it was just my way of demanding the truth. ::sigh:: I know she has influences that brought this on, some sort of support team, She has always had respect for me, so I don't know how she was possible to compose such an e-mail, it didn't even sound like her. even the way her sentences were formed, and her paragraphs. She lashed out at me, and I all I asked was for the truth. Just not fair....In my opinion, I think theres a chicken Hawk in the scene. But I'll never know...Man this hurts.
skeptik224 Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 First of all, you should always come first....you should never put someone elses needs in front of yours. (at the most at the same level) You need to just take space for yourself and space for her. If she's listening to other people's negative advice, let her go. She eventually will realize that she hasn't been doing what she wants but rather what people told her to. (if that's the case) I would imagine she's frustrated, hurt and angry - just like you. She broke up with you because you were giving her space for her studies? That's a crappy reason to break up with someone - I'm sorry, but it is. You need to take some time to yourself and take care of yourself. Don't stoop to her level and respond to that e-mail. Blow it off - as hard as it is. If she calls you, I wouldn't answer right away. Distance is good.
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