Anonymous Posted October 16 Posted October 16 Okay so ive been in a relationship with someone for 10 months, the first two months we were together I cheated. I came clean about it and now he says I need to do something to make up for it. to sort of balance out the scale. other than that topic we dont have any big problems. can someone please give me some ideas of what i could do?
basil67 Posted October 16 Posted October 16 "Balancing the scale" involves them sleeping with someone else
Acacia98 Posted October 16 Posted October 16 I feel like he should be the one to tell you what he wants from you. 1
MsJayne Posted October 16 Posted October 16 1 hour ago, Anonymous said: now he says I need to do something to make up for it. to sort of balance out the scale. How invested were you at the point that you cheated? Had you both agreed to be exclusive? If yes, then he doesn't need to worry about the cheating but he does need to worry about the deceit. If no, you should probably have kept quiet about it and put it in the 'Not Worth Thinking About' pile. Being as you've blabbed and you've agreed to play his stupid game of balance restoration what you should do is; Explain that it was a mistake you wish you hadn't made, and promise you'd never do it again. There, balance restored. 1
Sanch62 Posted October 16 Posted October 16 How can a perfect stranger tell you what someone else means by that? Ask him. If he won't tell you and wants you to knock yourself out playing guessing games, then that's not balance--it's retaliation. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 17 Posted October 17 7 hours ago, Anonymous said: ow he says I need to do something to make up for it. to sort of balance out the scale. He needs to be the one to tell you what he means.
Sony12 Posted October 17 Posted October 17 (edited) You make it up to him by doing whatever he likes. He likes BJ's you give him a lot of them. He wants you to pay for meals you pay for them......etc ....etc..... Edited October 17 by Sony12
glows Posted October 17 Posted October 17 Agree with Jayne you unfortunately agreed to play his stupid game. How old are both of you really. What you should be doing is canvasing his need for vengeance and asking yourself if this is the type of person you want to be hanging around. Let’s say you agree to this, how far is he going to barter in other situations? This is the most ridiculous and immature approach I’ve heard of in awhile. Just apologize and if he doesn’t trust you, see your reasoning or feel the scales are imbalanced move onto the next. He is not that special.
Sanch62 Posted October 17 Posted October 17 5 minutes ago, glows said: Let’s say you agree to this, how far is he going to barter in other situations? This is the most ridiculous and immature approach I’ve heard of in awhile. Just apologize and if he doesn’t trust you, see your reasoning or feel the scales are imbalanced move onto the next. He is not that special. I can understand a cheating partner asking what they can do to help make this up to their partner. That's pretty standard stuff. But the partner needs to be willing to answer that. He may need to reflect and not have such an answer right away--this is a rough time for him. So rough that I, personally, wouldn't even consider staying with a cheating partner. But if he wants to reconcile, he'll need to decide what extra efforts toward transparency and accountability may help him to regain his trust over time. He'll need to be the one who tells you what he needs from you.
glows Posted October 17 Posted October 17 2 hours ago, Sanch62 said: I can understand a cheating partner asking what they can do to help make this up to their partner. That's pretty standard stuff. But the partner needs to be willing to answer that. He may need to reflect and not have such an answer right away--this is a rough time for him. So rough that I, personally, wouldn't even consider staying with a cheating partner. But if he wants to reconcile, he'll need to decide what extra efforts toward transparency and accountability may help him to regain his trust over time. He'll need to be the one who tells you what he needs from you. As was already addressed by another poster we do not know the context of the so called cheating. Were they even exclusive at the time or was there an agreement. Either way the lack of context and the expectation that the other partner needs to do something to make up for it keeping it vague is ridiculous and even manipulative. 1
smackie9 Posted October 18 Posted October 18 Two wrongs don't make it right... retaliation is not forgiveness.
ShyViolet Posted October 29 Posted October 29 If he can't tell you what he means by "balance the scales" then he is playing immature mind games with you. You both need to be able to communicate in order for this relationship to work. Strangers on the internet can't tell you what he means by that. 1
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