BilgeD Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 I recently decided to not contact a former girlfriend for an indefinite amount of time. I also just found out that she will be undergoing surgery later this week (not serious surgery from what I understand). I'm not sure if I should break the decision and send her a quick "good luck" email or just stay the course. Any opinions?
Kengne Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 I recently decided to not contact a former girlfriend for an indefinite amount of time. I also just found out that she will be undergoing surgery later this week (not serious surgery from what I understand). I'm not sure if I should break the decision and send her a quick "good luck" email or just stay the course. Any opinions? Are you truly, TRULY concerned about her welfare? Like you said, the surgery isn't major. Or are you really just looking for a suitable 'excuse' to break NC? IMO - stay the course. She has other friends to hold her hand. But if you're thaaaaat concerned - give her a shout! (sending an email seems a tad impersonal). K.
Author BilgeD Posted January 17, 2006 Author Posted January 17, 2006 That's a good point, Kengne. I really wish I could answer honestly. Surgery is surgery in some senses, but I guess my well wishes could be considered an excuse. However, I am concerned of her well-being. I thought an email was a bit less intrusive than a full phone call - and ultimately less "pushy."
cygny Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 my opinion--stay the course---if you see her after wards by chance, mention with concern that you heard about it and hoped everything went well. that would be a perfect way to gain distance yet show care. if you send her something now, she'll start to numb you out...that means you'd be a friend who is a little smothering. (if it was major, serious surgery, then contact would be ok.)
Author BilgeD Posted January 18, 2006 Author Posted January 18, 2006 Thanks for your response, cygny. I'm still not sure how serious the surgery is, but I decided to not contact her after all.
Resilient1 Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 It is difficult to decide when to break NC trust me I know. I had NC with my ex for 2 1/2 weeks until her parent passed away. I put my personal feelings aside for the moment to be at her side even though she had a bf. I was there and still am there helping her cope with the loss and get thing straightened out even more than her bf. It is the most difficult thing i have to do and trust me I broke down a few times bringing up my feelings to her but had to stop myself because of the bigger picture right now. Just make sure it is the right time and that you have no expectations when you break NC. That is the best advice I can give you
skeptik224 Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Breaking NC is hard because you never know how the other will receive you. All interations vary. I would only break NC in this case if it were serious surgery. Since it's not, I'd stay NC. Resilient - Stepping up to the plate the way you did/are is HUGE! That shows what kind of man you really are. You know...prior to this relationship, I had just gotten broken up with right before my dad got sick. My ex at the time stepped up the same as you, and when he passed, it was her who was by my side. We ended up back together for another year. You're a good man, my friend. It shows your ex that you have undenying love for her. I'm going to see if I can find out your story...
salmagundi Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 I agree with skeptik that you should break NC. Since it is, after all, only minor surgery, I think you would just be using it as an excuse to contact because you know that it isnt really a big deal. But worse, I think she would see that too. Cygny is right, mention it after the fact, if you happen to see her because not only will that seem like a more natural expression of your concern, it will probably be more natural... It could open the door to you guys talking without seeming to her like an, albeit considerate, ploy like contacting her now would be. salmagundi
cygny Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 It is difficult to decide when to break NC trust me I know. I had NC with my ex for 2 1/2 weeks until her parent passed away. I put my personal feelings aside for the moment to be at her side even though she had a bf. I was there and still am there helping her cope with the loss and get thing straightened out even more than her bf. It is the most difficult thing i have to do and trust me I broke down a few times bringing up my feelings to her but had to stop myself because of the bigger picture right now. Just make sure it is the right time and that you have no expectations when you break NC. That is the best advice I can give you this was really great of you...i am sure she appreciates you so much for doing this...it is important that you not bring up your feelings to her at this time, let her take the lead on that sometime in the future---trust me once she's had a chance to heal emotionally from this loss she will think you are golden---had a friend do this for me when i lost my dad, even though it wasn't an old bf, it was an old gf who i had had some differences with--she put them aside to be with me at that time and it was wonderful
CaliGuy Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 IMHO the surgery isn't anything life threatening then no, don't break NC. The reason for this is you will indeed set yourself back to square one if you call or email and she doesn't return the good will. The ONLY instance I would ever recommend breaking NC is when the dumper initiates it. Then you can decide if you want to reply or not. In my case if the Ex emails me with anything less than "I realize I made a mistake, I love you and want to try again" then I have no real reason to reply. NC is no initiation on your part (the dumpee) to make contact. If the dumper initiates it then it's up to you to decide. Understand if you reply and it's just some lame excuse for the dumper to check and see if you're still on the line, you might set yourself back again. Given this girl's situation, one might wonder how you found out she is getting surgery. If I were her, it would make me wonder if you were checking in on me and perhaps even doing a bit of stalking (not in a negative way, but checking in on her, looking at her myspace page, etc). She will perceive this as an invasion of her privacy. In the end you have to do what you have to do but understand the risks you are taking and if you are willing to face the consequences of taking those risks, then by all means contact her. If it was me, I'd not even make a peep. If she wanted me to know about it she would tell me.
Author BilgeD Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 Thanks everyone. I didn't contact her after all and took the advice to say something post-op - if the opportunity presents itself.
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