Am i giving too much !!!

[marky25]

Hi There, im a 27 year old male who has had past relationships some bad some good quite a few were long distance (so if anyone needs advice on Long dist relat i have plenty of experience) well back to my point, i have been seeing a girl for just over two months now and lately everything has been going fantastic we get on so well, we have started opening up to each other, but recently i have noticed that sometimes i feel like im a burden to her,

 

for example she will be with friends or out and i will text her to tell her i miss her ,or words to that effect and then i wont receive a single text till like ages later,now this is not a major problem because she usually ends up texting later and all sorted,but as this is becoming more frequent with her am i giving too much should i be more chilled about things i dont want to start holding back because i have strong feelings which she shares aswell but i sometime feel as if im being a burden, or maybe offering too much of my self on a plate,

 

she always says that she loves me for who i am and i should never change but im worried that to keep up with her ways i may have to change.

 

normally she is fine, but when she is out unless she has had a million drinks i dont hear from her or receive any replies till she gets home,wheras if i am out i always text call things like that cos thats who i am.

 

i consider my self a loving caring man who loves to give affection and i im a typical libra so im a bit of a gentleman aswell but is my beahaviour or need for constant reassurance becoming my downfall.

 

any suggestions or help would be very appreciated.

 

yours sincerely

 

a very in love but confused marky

[Forever Searching]

I personally can't see that you are doing anything wrong at all! I'd be so happy if I found a guy like you. I'm kind of in the same situation only I'm in your shoes. Maybe just talk to her about it and explain how she makes you feel when these things happen then at least you will know.

[marky25]

Thankyou for replying,yeah maybe i should talk to her about it ,however i am a little scared that she will think im being weird about it, but i will speak to her when she is in agood mood and then ill post back how it came out,thanks again for the lovely comments,im still open to anyone elses thoughts on the sitautaion though.

 

marky

[Forever Searching]

You could also try maybe to just get her attentin a little and don't text or pay as much attention to her. Pull back slightly and see how she reacts, maybe she won't take your efforts for granted as much then. Just a thought.

[gfto]

when she's having a girls' night out, just back off. Sending her a text saying, "I miss you," makes you look needy. Same thing when you're out with the guys.

[marky25]

You could also try maybe to just get her attentin a little and don't text or pay as much attention to her. Pull back slightly and see how she reacts, maybe she won't take your efforts for granted as much then. Just a thought.

 

Thanks i had thought about that and i have tried it but that changes who i am so i asked her why and she surprised me with the answer she just said that she often gets distracted and she wants to text me back but finds its hard when your in a social situation and i completely understand , guess i couldnt see the wood for the trees though lol. but i agree less is more but i love giving affection it makes me who i am but i guess there is no harm in getting to know her a bit better before i give my all, i feel better already about everything as this was starting to get me a little wound up and paranoid and i feel less of a man when i show my weakness,thanks again.

 

eternally grateful

 

Marky

[marky25]

when she's having a girls' night out, just back off. Sending her a text saying, "I miss you," makes you look needy. Same thing when you're out with the guys.

 

thanks for replying,yeah i can see where your coming from i guess its just finding the right balance or a happy medium between doing whats right and whats needed to make things work,on the negative side,i do still see it as a kind of game (no offence meant:) but i can also see that if i make myself readily available and needy all the time it takes away the mystery and would only lead to me being taken for granted, i will back off a little bit though let her breathe when shes out cos when she gets back in after a night out it will make it more speacial to me when i see that she is making the effort and its not all one sided.

 

Thanks again

 

Marky

[gfto]

she just said that she often gets distracted and she wants to text me back but finds its hard when your in a social situation and i completely understand

 

you bought that?

[marky25]

you bought that?

 

okay well obviously you think she is lying to me but i happen to have alot of trust in her, and she was out tonight and i backed off a bit and the texts came flooding in and the calls, so i know for that fact that giving her room to breathe worked and i felt less needy and better for it

 

it could work two ways though cos when im out im usually onstage with the band and if she texts me i couldnt really get my phone out in the middle of a set and text her back lol, but getting back to the point, her friends are very important to her and esentially we are different people and do things differently at times and its not like im giving in and making an assumption, im merely doing what alot of guys dont do and thats letting go of past fears and experiences and letting the trust grow,

 

The main point is when she is not out with her friends everything is fine and she has been burned too many times to want to hurt anyone else and i feel she does truly care about me but i realise now i have to be more patient and need to be alot more sensitive to how she is feeling because even though we have both been through bad experiences we still need to consider each others feelings and im 27 and she is 20 so there is that to consider aswell.

 

but i suppose when all is said and done discussing my problems fears has really helped me understand a lot of things so whats the point in worrying about what has or may not happen, i was originally wondering if i was invading her personal space but as she is a very social person the friends were there before me and i have no problem in making a compromise with her because we have both benefitted from it.

 

but im not naieve i know people change and she is well aware of this,i mean my band has just signed a record deal so god knows what problems that will throw at us but i guess if we really are strong enough together whatever problems we have we will weather that storm together.

 

but i sincerely do appreciate your opinions and from the advice i have received so far it really has helped me understand the situation better

and i thank everyone for their help.

 

Thanks again

 

marky

[gfto]

excellent! good luck!

[ms_jnj]

when she's having a girls' night out, just back off. Sending her a text saying, "I miss you," makes you look needy. Same thing when you're out with the guys.

 

 

I totally agree. She's out with her girlfriends having an awesome time -- she doesn't want to have to check her phone for messages while she's out. Plus if you were with her, and her friends were texting her and she was interrupting your time together to reply, you would probably find that inconsiderate. It goes both ways, if she is with her friends it is inconsiderate to them if she is interrupting her time with them to reply to you.

 

It sounds like you're a nice guy that loves her, but I'd advise to just back off and let her have her time with the girls. We girls need each other sometimes, as much as we love you men. You may even find that if you respect her personal time she will love you more for it!