does she still have feelings for me?

[zs0511]

so some backstory, about a year ago i was hanging out with this girl for probably about 6 months. honestly things were great. we had alot of fun together, both sides initiated phone calls and meeting up. like i never went more then 3 days without hearing from her if i decided not to text or call her. touch barriers were broken and some pretty intense things were said by her such as " i know this may be weird to say so early on but honestly i can really see forever with you"  and one time before i left when she gave me hug she held on forever and said idk why but i really dont want to let go of you right now which was all great because i kind of felt the same about her. unfortunately things didnt last. she ended things and it was all over external stuff that really had nothing to do with me or us (foreign dosent know if she wants to stay in country, acceptance from family, trust issues due to her being abused by her last partner) and while for a few months after she ended things we would go threw cycles where we would talk then hang out then i would get hit with that was a mistake sorry,  that eventually ended and honestly till the other night i really hadnt hung out  with her or seen her since mid may.

well the thursday before last my dad got admitted to the hospital and when i say admitted to the hospital life support and we knew he was going to pass away in the next few days so i went out to the bar to grab a drink to try and relax a little but being in a pretty vulnerable and emotional spot i reached out to her asking if she wanted to join me because i was having a pretty rough day. i guess i reached out to her because hanging out with her is the one person that always made me happy and forget about my problems. at first she said can i text you tomorow but eventually she said would i be up at 12 and when i said yes she proceeded to ask me to meet her at another bar closer to her in 45 mins which i did.

we met and honestly after about 15 mins of me telling her whats going on it just became what we always were. good conversation laughing having a good time ect... now when i reached out i had no intention of getting back together with her or honestly i didnt even think she viewed me like that anymore but some things happened that kind of have me questioning things.

1) she left her friends house to come meet up with me so she obviously cares about me still in some capacity right?

2) while were sitting at a table waiting for food she just looks at me and goes i have a question why did things not work out with the last girl you were recently seeing, like why did you end things. which was kind of weird considering i had said absolutely nothing to her about dating, relationships ect to that point. i said do you really want to know she jokingly said no so i said ok and when i didnt say anything she goes no really why. to which i told her it wasnt her and i never felt what i did with her with the other girl. she didnt get weird or awkward when i said this.

3) she had a chance to get rid of me a few times during the night we finished eating " hey im going to get ice cream want to join" after that " hey my place is kind of mess so dont judge me" and we went back to her place to watch a movie till like 3

4) when we were watching a movie she was just sitting next to me at first strait up and down no type of contact between us. i made it a point to where if there was going to be any contact i was 100 percent going to let her initiate. it took maybe 5 mins for her to lean into me and lay on me. i put my arm around her and she made no attempt to push it off or shift ect.. the only time she did was to repostion herself and she proceeded to lean into me again. idk if this a sign or am i overthinking but ive watched plenty of movies with female friends who were jsut friends and its not something they typically do.

i would like to hear your thoughts on this as a neutral 3rd party whos not as attached to the situation, because i dont know how to take it

[Gebidozo]

I’m really sorry to hear about your Dad.

It’s a bit unclear from your description what has actually happened between you and that girl. Were you in a romantic relationship for 6 months and then she broke up with you?

At any rate, it does look like she is interested in you. The question is: do you want to start something again? Last time she broke it off. Is she now ready to have a committed relationship with you? Have her circumstances changed so that she won’t break up with you for those external reasons again?

[zs0511]

35 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I’m really sorry to hear about your Dad.

It’s a bit unclear from your description what has actually happened between you and that girl. Were you in a romantic relationship for 6 months and then she broke up with you?

At any rate, it does look like she is interested in you. The question is: do you want to start something again? Last time she broke it off. Is she now ready to have a committed relationship with you? Have her circumstances changed so that she won’t break up with you for those external reasons again?

so i think the family acceptance and the not saying shes sure if she wants to stay in the country is pretty self explanatory. but basically she told me is shes scared. when she created her hinge profile she really wasnt expecting to find someone to her if was just to explore. we had actually matched before about a year prior went out like 3 times i did something stupid so it ended. but when we reconnected she said as friends and it took maybe 2 times of hanging out for signs of more to come out on her end. the way she described it to me was. i like you so much and have feelings for you and honestly it scares the hell out of me i like you so much. due to my abusive ex i put up so  many walls to protect myself and your the first person whos been able to take them down. while i dont mind i feel vulnerable for the first time in a while and its scary to me. so that was her reasoning.

in terms of what we were we werent officially dating but we were exclusively talking to each other. she deleted all her dating profiles we kissed held hand with one another ect... every single person who saw us out asked us how long we have been dating so it was pretty close. would i want to try again with her? while i wouldny shut down talking to other people i would be open to it but a serious talk would have to occur if she can realistically give it a chance.  we havent talked much over the last few months so i cant really answer that last part.

like i thought the ship had sailed but the things i listed made me think maybe not, and if losing my dad has taught me anything is lifes to short to ask what ifs and you many never have a chance again if you dont try. 

[Gebidozo]

I would be very careful if I were you.

You appear to have invested a lot of emotions into the connection with that girl, while the payoff has been minuscule. Now you are in an emotionally fragile state, and I don’t think reconnecting with someone who isn’t sure about anything would do you any good.

I don’t quite understand why you endured those six months to begin with. You weren’t together, there was no proper dating, no sex even. It was basically her stringing you along for whatever reasons, finding various excuses to not get really close and not be committed.

I don’t know whether you’re ready to date anyone right now, but when you feel you do, perhaps you should find someone who is actually ready as well.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I would be very careful if I were you.

You appear to have invested a lot of emotions into the connection with that girl, while the payoff has been minuscule. Now you are in an emotionally fragile state, and I don’t think reconnecting with someone who isn’t sure about anything would do you any good.

I agree. 

I don't see this going well for you, OP. You two were never dating. "Exclusively talking" means...nothing. It's just no-strings, not-dating. I hope you don't think that's an actual thing. 

I think she enjoys your company and having you in her fan club but doesn't want a relationship with you. It doesn't look like any of that has changed, really. She spent some tme with you knowing you were having a bad day, and sure, it felt good for both of you in the moment. But my sense is that she will give you the same run-around if you try  date her again. 

Please be careful with your heart here. 

 

[glows]

You went for SIX MONTHS just “hanging out” never once asking her out on a proper date? What exactly did you do that was “stupid” where things ended? I think you fumbled her and she was TMI about her past relationship/probably not even ready for one but you both didn’t seem to take either very seriously. What I don’t understand is why you’re here telling us all this about her and not asking her out on a date? Do you really have the mental or emotional bandwidth to be “hanging out” as friends? If no, then ask her out properly.

And why would you even be bothering to talk to “other people” if you’re so infatuated with this woman? do you not see the writing on the wall and how consumed you are? If she says no or seems lukewarm and is just looking for attention then cut contact and move on with your life. If she wants to continue dating then you have your answer. Be mature about this and more confident about what you want.

Edited October 15 by glows