How to respond to girlfriend making sexual social media post

[Anonymous]

Not a big deal? Let it go but it's been on my mind as very disgusting and disrespectful

She has an Instagram . Private. It's only people she knows on there, guys and girls.    They were at a party and there were creampies for desserts. She's in the video standing by one of her friends and they're both eating them.  She says mmmmmm I love a good creampie in the video, posted it on her social media. Then she says something about if her friend needs a creampie she can't help her but she knows someone who can

When I asked her about it afterwards of course I get the "it was just for fun, was just a funny joke" "if any guys said anything about it I'd handle it" (as in if they tried to make a move she'd tell them off).   Classless and disgusting if you ask me.  What kind of lady in a committed relationship posts something so vulgar, sexual, and disgusting on social media

Kind of funny, through all her justifications and claiming it was normal and not a big deal like I was making it.  She made sure to let me know "and I deleted it a few hours later ".  She has a habit of posting questionable things on her social media when she's drinking and then removing them later on

I hate being an anxious attachment because when someone does something I don't like I give them the benefits of the doubt. I don't want any conflict, and I assume their motives are pure

Then as time goes on I get more and more frustrated with whatever it was.

Is that not highly inappropriate for a lady in a committed relationship to do and say? Basically talk about getting f'd and nutted in on a social media post 

[basil67]

Me sitting here in judgement of either her or you does nothing to address the issue.   

What I will say is that it seems she loses her filter when she's had a few drinks.  So, is this something you can live with, or is it a dealbreaker?  

[Gebidozo]

Personally, I think your reaction is almost comically puritanical, unpleasantly aggressive, controlling, and judgmental. I don’t see how posting sexual jokes would detract from her being a “lady”, whatever you mean by that.

But that’s beside the point, because obviously you don’t see things this way. If you’re so morally outraged and shocked over her sexual jokes, perhaps you two aren’t quite compatible with each other. I find it hard to imagine a couple where one partner is so prim while the other is so naughty.

You have to understand that she deleted those posts to please you, not because you’ve convinced her of the righteousness of your way. And that isn’t funny. She is who she is or what she is. Either you accept that or you find someone who behaves differently.

If you’re going to keep trying to rectify whatever you deem “inappropriate” in her behavior, she’s going to keep accommodating you for a while for the sake of your relationship. And then one day she’ll realize how fed up and exhausted she feels with you constantly trying to change her personality. And she’ll leave.

[glows]

obviously some part of her knows it’s wrong(to her) and she’s rectifying the issue after the fact and perhaps a bigger problem is the alcohol which brings out so much inconsistency that it causes friction. From an outsider’s view the post generates attention which she feeds off of and then she deletes bc she knows it affects her relationship with you and may feel morally obligated. 

Youre not going to be able to fix someone else’s insecurities and need for validation. You understand this, right. Who she is at these parties and the post and deletes are part of her and her desire for gratification and validation. She hasn’t really found who she is yet or she’s conflicted. 

Im assuming the use of the word “lady” got tossed about in your conversations and that has heavy connotations, usually not missed by ANY generation these days. I can’t think of any woman I know who wouldn’t bristle at being condescended or pushed into a term “lady” when used to demean or shame. It carries immense patriarchal, sexist, chauvinist and misogynist tones often used to silence and repress women for way too long. I’d avoid any use of that in this context if talking about things openly and neutrally. 

No you don’t and shouldn’t minimize the way you feel but ask yourself what exactly do you need in a relationship that meets your needs? It doesn’t sound like you have anxious attachment. It sounds like you’re not on the same wavelength and she isn’t what you’re looking for in a partner. That’s a much harder pill to swallow than she’s not being a “lady”. It’s harder to digest because it means being accountable for YOUR choices in a partner and why you chose her and continue to choose to be with her. 
 

 

[Els]

20 hours ago, Anonymous said:

Classless and disgusting if you ask me.  What kind of lady in a committed relationship posts something so vulgar, sexual, and disgusting on social media

Umm, yikes.

Look, I'm generally not a fan of oversharing on social media, and I do personally find what she did a bit cringey. I tend to unfollow people if they post too many of those, too.

That being said, whoa dude. "Classless, disgusting, vulgar"?? Did you say those words to her? That's one helluva overreaction over your girlfriend making a "creampie" joke, don't you think? Do you not make sexual jokes with your male friends, especially if you're at an adults-only venue like a bar or a party? And what if one of your friends was filming and posted it on social media? Does that make both of you classless, disgusting, and vulgar?

[flitzanu]

that's a lot of concern over desserts.

does your girlfriend love creampies or eat cream pies often enough for this to be a concern for her posting about it?

[Sanch62]

On 10/14/2025 at 4:02 PM, Anonymous said:

What kind of lady in a committed relationship posts something so vulgar, sexual, and disgusting on social media

I don't know, but if I had a BF who would describe anything about my behavior this way, I wouldn't want him as my BF anymore.

Why would you want to stay with anyone you view through such a lens? Do you believe you can shame her and control her into becoming someone else who is more acceptable to you?

IMO, 'love' doesn't speak of a partner this way.

[ShyViolet]

If you have so little respect for her then do her a favor and break up with her.  Your reaction is extremely judgmental and over the top.  You sound like you're the one with control issues.

[MsJayne]

Have you time-travelled from 1850's? She was just having a spicy joke on a private page, you're reacting as if she stripped off and rolled in cream pie. She didn't swear or insult anyone, it's not particularly attractive but it's also not a big deal. She's probably not the girl for you if you prefer your women silent and prissy. 

[Acacia98]

On 10/14/2025 at 11:02 PM, Anonymous said:

Is that not highly inappropriate for a lady in a committed relationship to do and say? Basically talk about getting f'd and nutted in on a social media post 

Look, you're obviously incompatible.

Personally, I wouldn't post anything remotely suggestive on my social media accounts. So I understand where you're coming from. At the same time, I wouldn't date someone whose social media posts I wanted to censor.

Be honest with yourself about who you are and what matters to you and then honor that by dating people with whom you are compatible. Don't try to impose your values on others and prevent them from being their authentic selves. 

Edited October 17 by Acacia98