mcmlxii Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 My wife had an affair 2 years ago that lasted for over a year this is somthing that you cannot do and keep it hidden. It was very obvious yet she to this day denies any wrong doing what so ever. I stayed with her because we have 2 small kids and I was sure one day I would get the truth out of her. we have talked about this almost every night for 2 years and she is desperateto convince me she did not cheat. But every time she explains what happendshe gets her story mixed up or changes it. Now she just lies all the time aboutstupid stuff even. I still like her I don't know why. But I told her I didn't want to be married to her anymore. Now she's like a sales person plugging her self all the time telling me what a great person I'm going to lose. Why wouldn't she tell me the truth I told her I would forgive her if she just made that much effort and show me she could exept responsiblilty for her actions. This has been a 2 year mind F*&k she had me convinced a few times that she was telling the truth and that I have somthing wrong with my head. I just don't understand how somone who loved me could do somthing this bad to me.
JadeStar Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Just out of curiosty, how did you come to learn of this affair? I didn't see where you mentioned how you found out. I don't know that you will get the truth from her. Talking about this every night for 2 years to me is extreme. Not to mention, it has to be exhausting. I understand you want answers and her to come clean. If in fact an affair did take place, then yes she needs to spill it. Have you all by chance tried marraige counseling? I know you're wanting this to probably end, but its possible if you both DO want to try and salvage this, perhaps a counselor can pull some of the truth from her, not sure on that but might be worth a shot. Jade
Bryanp Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Why don't you ask her to take a polygraph test. Any lawyer can set you up with it. It will cost about $500. My guess is that she will confess before the test. If she cheated and refuses to admit it then the chances are good that it will happen again down the road. I wish you luck.
jmargel Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 You two need to seek marriage counseling. If she wants to stay in this marriage I am sure she would be more than happy to go. Let the counselor do the badgering and asking of questions. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over; expecting different results.
mcmlxii Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 The reasons I know she was having an affiar. she met a new client and talked about him all the time. he had no buisness yet and sat at her desk all day long talking to her when we were at our most distant from each other after 6 years of marriage. she told me that she liked the attention she got from him later on when we talked about this. Then she told me she had been going out looking at investment property with him during work hours and they had gone out 4 or 5 times(later she claimed she only went out with him once and told me the same day). Not to long ago she got drunk and told me about all the times she had gone out with him looking at property. when I pointed out this big change of story she said "if it's and but's were candy and nuts we would all have a happy christmas" WTF? but this is the BS that I have become use to. I checked her cell records online and she was getting 5-7 calls a day from some number the phone company could not identify I told her and she said no I was the only one who called her and I called about 2-3 times per week to her cell. Then this guy started calling her all the time after work on camping trips on vacation. he was her only client who called her on her cell or even called her after hours on our home phone. I would get very mad and ended a few trips we were on because of his calls and she would just explode and say I know I'm not doing anything wrong so I don't have to tell him to stop calling. So I told her I would talk to him about his calling and she said I will divorce you if you ever talk to him. So we talked about divorce alot and she was willing to go to that point before AT LEAST telling him to stop calling her cell. We had been seeing marriage counselors they would all here me out and say they didn't think anything was going on between them. hmmm. The biggest thing to clue me in was on her birthday on a friday. I had called her 2 times that day and told her I was coming to town she usually ask me to come by if I was in town and she didn't. She called me that morning to tell me that her work friends wanted to take her out that night and ask me in a very begging voice "do you want to go, do you want to go" I said ok and she very sarcastic. we had a opintment with our marriage counselor at 4:30 She said I can't be there till 5:00 you go and I will meet you there then. The counselor call me and said let make it 5:00 I said ok. So I went to my wifes office a 4:30 and there he was with a vase of flowers in front of him sitting at her desk. I thought I wonder where the card is that went with the flowers. I sat on the file cabinet behind her she was looking down at a file on her desk and didn't notice where I was. I was just kinda looking around the return of her desk for a card and she spun around in her chair like lightning and stuck her watch right in front of my eyes and said your late for the opointment with a look of terror on her face. then she slid her chair between me and her desk and started typing on her computer . then he left and another client came in and she had to make copies for him but before she went to the copy machine she went up front and the receptionist followed her and came in and slid up between me and her desk and started typing and she explained to me several times why she was doing this. So the we had a bad week end fighting over what I had seen some very bad arguments. monday she went to work and called me just before lunch and said your going to hate me HE wants to take me out to lunch for my birthday. I said you have to be kidding after this week end. She said I will call you on my cell before I leave and put it in my purse and you can here the whole thing I will tell him you thing we are having an affiar and you can here his reaction. She insisted we do this so I said ok. She never mentioned what I thought to him. The next day I drove her to work and said you should be carefull I might be watch you. She said oh your stalking me. That day I had to me somwhere in the afternoon and it fellthrough so I went to her office insted. there he was as soon as I walked in he said you must be stalking me your here every time I am. During this time of her affair with him there was very stong eveidence of one night stands with other guys that I won't go into because this is getting very long. SHE laught at me when I told her why I thought she was cheating she told me I was stupid for thinking that. I have a high IQ I am not dumb she was dumb. If I were the cheating kind she would have never seen as much as I did.
mcmlxii Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 We have been to 3 or 4 marriage counselors they don't badger or ask her why this looks suspitous they just say keep the marriage together exept your differences and work it out. I ask her in the beginning to take a polygraph she said sure I have nothing to hide. A few weeks later I said I found a place for her to take it and she said no way I am going to take a polygraph. about 6 months later we were arguing and she said do you want me to take a polygraph will this prove it. well she took it and passed it. But In the beginning when I was surfing the internet about polygragh test I found alot of links to beating it. and I don't know for sure but from what I have read it's very easy to beat.
JadeStar Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Sounds like the marriage counselors you all tried weren't very helpful. There are some good ones out there though. I say the ball is now in your court. I think you hold the cards in your hands as to what you feel you need to do. Good luck and keep us posted. Jade
lilmoma1973 Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Marriage counseling didn't work or did you stopped going? If you went to marriage counseling and it didn't work than you should decide what is best for you and your two kids.. Until she doesn't confess to the affair you can't move foward so till then your marriage isn't going to work..People that are cheated on need that closure of why and what did i do to make you stray!! Good luck hope it works out for you
mcmlxii Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Sorry for that long post. I guess people usually feel that they need to tell the who story for you to see what they have been through. I guess what I'm asking is does it sound like she was cheating? I have been through 2 years of my best freind and lover and wife telling me that none of this ever happend pretty much and that no one would have thought anything of it exept me. Thanks for reading this.
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