I just sent this email, what do you think of it??

[genegri]

Let's look at the logic here:

 

1. He knows that you don't like being alone,

2. He doesn't want you to spend time with other people,

3. And yet he does not want to spend more time with you.

 

What options does he leave for you then?

 

It seems to me the only way he wants is to knowingly leave you miserable and alone.

[CaliGuy]

But I can't leave him. I just can't. I want our relationship to get better.

 

Of all the things you've written, I picked up on this one for a reason.

 

You are co-dependent. You should never NEED someone in your life. You want them in your life because you love them, but you don't NEED them. When you need someone else in your life you are basically saying "I don't have the strength to make it through life, so I need to depend on you."

 

Nobody wants that kind of pressure. Like giving too many gifts or doing too much for someone else, that is pressure that simply forces people away from you.

 

I would suggest reading a few books on building self-esteem. Someone else mentioned in another thread about CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), which might benefit you. You feel the way you think, so if you think negatively, that's exactly how you will feel.

 

But when you say "I can't live without you" or "I need you in my life" you are telling your S/O that you are a helpless creature, with no internal strength who without them, they would die.

 

That's simply not the case. This is why when you cling to someone who wants to leave you, it makes them want to leave even more. They don't want that pressure.

 

You are pressuring him and he doesn't want it. Relationships should be free and fun, without one side being obligated to be there. They are there because they want to be, not because they are pressured to be there.

 

When both want to be there, that makes for an ideal relationship. Think of it as a tug of war where you want to the knot to stay in the middle. If either of you push or pull too hard, the knot will move.

 

Stop pulling him towards you, instead, keep an even balance. He's telling you he might still want to stay with you but as long as you pull him, he will walk away. Guaranteed.

[flowergirl]

Love:

 

I've been in your situation, sweetie. A poor lonely girl with no self-esteem who clings onto emotionally manipulative men because that's all she thinks she deserves and shes's afarid of being alone. I could film a dozen Lifetime tv movies with all the drama that's brought. Anyway, first thing you must do, as difficult and scary as it is, is to leave this man, beacuse this could become a mentally abusive situation. Secondly, think of things that you enkoy doing, some hobbies, perhaps, and start on this. Volunteering is an excellent way to enrich your life and that of other people, plus you may make some new friends. Go check out a movie or a museum, something cultural to open your mind, and keep it off of men for awhile. Thirdly, after some breathing space from dating, I strongly suggest you find someone closer to your own age, at least someone in their 20's who you may be able to relate to. I know from experirnece wgat a roller coater ride all this is, but you'll be fine, and you'll come out of all this sooo much better off. Good luck, and keep us posted.

[Chimerical]

Maybe I'm wrong... but it's been my experience that when someone's accusing you of cheating or being unfaithful, it's because either they were the ones doing it... or they were thinking of doing it...

 

Here's my advice... if you want to make the relationship better, then your needs will have to get met too. You can give him all the space in the world, stop nagging, stop asking to spend time with him, and make him the happiest creature in the world, but you'll still NEED more affection, more time, more from him then he's willing to give. It will constantly cause problems in the relationship. You aren't asking for too much. And I don't feel you're being co-dependent... I think it's more a matter of that he has created in you a want for him to be around, to be there for you when you need him too. But he isn't there. The more you ask for your needs to be met, the more he pulls away and pushes you away. Most normal human beings react by clinging tighter at that point. We don't like to be rejected or pushed away.

 

The only way you'll save your relationship is if you're able to strike a balance between what he wants and what you need. Otherwise you will endlessly be caught in a cycle of breaking up. Each breakup causing a bigger rift between you.

 

Couple suggestions, that may or may not work... Approach it from a logical standpoint. How much time with him do you need? How often? How long? What do you need during that time? Make it about quality time, not quantity at this point. Write it down if it'll help clarify what you want to yourself better. Then, without using any negative emotional context, talk with him about what you need. Ie. These are the things I need to feel loved in this relationship. I need at least 2 days a week together, in which we spend at least 3 hours alone. I need you to call once a day, etc. etc....

 

Leave out the "I feel abandoned", "I feel like you don't love me". He would most likely take it as a personal attack and either become defensive, or pull away and hide.

 

Other suggestion: if he feels he needs more space (50 mins away is not an LDR) then try to clarify how long he believes this time will last. That it will help you to relax and not worry so much if you know that it's going to last 3 months, or 6 months... My feeling is he'll just say he doesn't know.

 

My last suggestion: His actions are saying he likes you, but he's either lost respect for you, or feels as though you're attempting to manipulate/control him. Personally, I'd back way off. Spend maybe one night a week, or every other week, with him, reduce the time spent talking to him, don't call every night, etc... Give him ample amounts of space.

 

2 fold benefit. Might give him time to reevaluate how he feels for you (hopefully positively), and also give you time to reevaluate how you feel for him. I've found with a little distance we can handle the "I can't lose him" mentality. It's that mentality that will kill your relationship fast. Too needy, too clingy, too much, will make any person pull further and further away.

[CaliGuy]

Here's my advice... if you want to make the relationship better, then your needs will have to get met too. You can give him all the space in the world, stop nagging, stop asking to spend time with him, and make him the happiest creature in the world, but you'll still NEED more affection, more time, more from him then he's willing to give. It will constantly cause problems in the relationship. You aren't asking for too much. And I don't feel you're being co-dependent...

 

Totally agree needs should be met on both sides. The problem is the needs shouldn't be something you can't live without. In other words, if you depend on someone else completely for all these needs, it's too much pressure for anyone, not just this guy, to deal with.

 

I would first be asking why I am so needy and realize it's a self-esteem issue. She can't walk away from this guy because she fears what she might lose, but she's also not getting what she wants from the relationship either.

 

If you love and respect yourself, you make your wants known, not your needs. You want to be with this person because you love them, not because you need them. Neediness is not healthy.

[Becoming]

My God, woman, listen to these people!

 

You're using this man like a drug to fill a craving in you that has nothing to do with him. And he's doing the same to you (along with who knows how many others?).

 

C'mon, girlfriend, don't you think you deserve to be with someone who actually loves you? If not, you're in for a rotten decade.

 

Not to judge because Lord knows I'm in no position to, but for your sake, get into some counseling (cognitive behavioral therapy CBT) to find out what that hole in you is that you're trying to fill out because no one or nothing can fill it for you. Trust us, lots of us here have tried, huh?

 

You can let him go. Really you can. And you'll be better for it. And LSers will be here to help you through.

[Chimerical]

Totally agree needs should be met on both sides. The problem is the needs shouldn't be something you can't live without. In other words, if you depend on someone else completely for all these needs, it's too much pressure for anyone, not just this guy, to deal with.

 

I would first be asking why I am so needy and realize it's a self-esteem issue. She can't walk away from this guy because she fears what she might lose, but she's also not getting what she wants from the relationship either.

 

If you love and respect yourself, you make your wants known, not your needs. You want to be with this person because you love them, not because you need them. Neediness is not healthy.

Needs by definition are something you can't live without. It's a need, food, water, shelter.. needs. I classifiy the amount of affection I get as a need. I can not live with no affection. I have a level that needs to be maintained, as I believe this woman does too.

 

Wants, you can live without. I want a brand new car. I want to buy some new jeans... If I don't get them, I don't throw in the towel and quit on someone. But a need, nothing we do will change them, or how we react to not getting them.

 

Caliguy.. you're attacking her and calling her a spineless wimp who wouldn't be worth the spit on your shoe as far as your concerned. Do you really think that's the best approach? She fears what she might lose because each relationship, and each person, is unique and irreplaceable. Some people find it hard to accept that once that relationship ends, they will never have exactly the same relationship again, or find another person like that person again. So for her to feel that she can't lose it is fear speaking. She's afraid she'll never find another who desires her as he does. And she's right. No one will be exactly the same as what she has right now. How does someone break through this fear? It's probably not from someone calling them a spineless wimp.

 

I think it'll take a figurative kick to the head to get her to see he is using her. Whether he's doing it intentionally or not, I don't know. But either way, he's getting what he wants, while she isn't.

 

So how does someone break free of the fear of losing the relationship if they don't even feel their needs are important enough to be considered in the first place?

[crazy_grl]

Caliguy.. you're attacking her and calling her a spineless wimp who wouldn't be worth the spit on your shoe as far as your concerned. Do you really think that's the best approach?

 

We must be reading different threads...

[CaliGuy]

Caliguy.. you're attacking her and calling her a spineless wimp who wouldn't be worth the spit on your shoe as far as your concerned.

 

I said no such thing.

 

 

Do you really think that's the best approach? She fears what she might lose because each relationship, and each person, is unique and irreplaceable. Some people find it hard to accept that once that relationship ends, they will never have exactly the same relationship again, or find another person like that person again. So for her to feel that she can't lose it is fear speaking. She's afraid she'll never find another who desires her as he does. And she's right. No one will be exactly the same as what she has right now. How does someone break through this fear? It's probably not from someone calling them a spineless wimp.

 

I never called her that.

 

What I am saying is that it's not health to NEED someone, to depend on them so much that if you lost them, you couldn't survive. That's 'neediness' and is usually a sign of low self-esteem.

 

You're making a lot of off-the-wall assumptions.

 

I think it'll take a figurative kick to the head to get her to see he is using her. Whether he's doing it intentionally or not, I don't know. But either way, he's getting what he wants, while she isn't.

 

Which is why any one loves and respects themself would not tolerate this behavior. One-sided relationships are doomed to failure. For whatever reason he isn't giving back. The logical step is to pull back as well and let him see what he's missing. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But one thing I do know is to do nothing at all will most definitely end up in failure.

 

So how does someone break free of the fear of losing the relationship if they don't even feel their needs are important enough to be considered in the first place?

 

Simple. Self-respect. If your needs aren't being met, then what is the point of continuing the relationship at all? What have you to lose at this point? You already aren't getting what you feel you deserve from the relationship, so losing them would put you in the same place you're at now except that you can institute NC and work on improving your self-esteem and healing. During that time you can resolve that you will not allow yourself to get into a one-sided relationship anymore.

 

And that's the bottom line, really. If you don't love and respect yourself to say 'I deserve better than this" then that's all you're ever going to get in every relationship. It's why I constantly talk about self-improvement. If you don't love and respect yourself, no one else will. He's proven he doesn't respect her and begging, pleading and pining after someone is proof positive. He's trying to tell her that time and space is something they both need and if she doesn't give it to him, she is guaranteed to lose him.

 

So, it's up to her to figure out what she will and will not put up with.

 

Nowhere did I call her the ulgy names you have used and I would appreciate it in the future if you would not put words in my mouth and assume I am attacking someone. All I have to work with is the information she provided in the thread.

 

If didn't give a damn or feel I could help, I would have ignored the thread.

[Chimerical]

I would first be asking why I am so needy and realize it's a self-esteem issue. She can't walk away from this guy because she fears what she might lose, but she's also not getting what she wants from the relationship either.

 

If you love and respect yourself, you make your wants known, not your needs. You want to be with this person because you love them, not because you need them. Neediness is not healthy.

 

I went a bit overboard on the "spineless wimp" part. Sorry...

 

However, I feel he's basically saying she's a co-dependent, needy person who doesn't respect herself. And that she should forget her needs, and just make her wants known. (She already did make her wants known.)

You are co-dependent. When you need someone else in your life you are basically saying "I don't have the strength to make it through life, so I need to depend on you."

Nobody wants that kind of pressure. Like giving too many gifts or doing too much for someone else, that is pressure that simply forces people away from you.

Maybe I took this quote wrong.. but it seemed like he was implying that her asking her bf to be there more often for her, was pressuring him and pushing him away. That she's somehow the bad guy, and the bf is just reacting to her behavior. But I didn't get that impression from the OP. She was trying to address what she needed in a realtionship, the bf took off. She wasn't pushing it down his throat. But Caliguy makes it sound like she's a co-dependent slim ball for wanting to spend time with her guy. I just don't think it was helpful in trying to solve her problems. Basically tearing her down for not leaving. That she's the one with the problem, not her bf.

 

Like I said, I'm probably wrong.

[CaliGuy]

Caliguy.. you're attacking her and calling her a spineless wimp who wouldn't be worth the spit on your shoe as far as your concerned.

 

I said no such thing.

 

 

Do you really think that's the best approach? She fears what she might lose because each relationship, and each person, is unique and irreplaceable. Some people find it hard to accept that once that relationship ends, they will never have exactly the same relationship again, or find another person like that person again. So for her to feel that she can't lose it is fear speaking. She's afraid she'll never find another who desires her as he does. And she's right. No one will be exactly the same as what she has right now. How does someone break through this fear? It's probably not from someone calling them a spineless wimp.

 

I never called her that.

 

What I am saying is that it's not healthy to NEED someone, to depend on them so much that if you lost them, you couldn't survive. That's 'neediness' and is usually a sign of low self-esteem.

 

You're making a lot of off-the-wall assumptions.

 

I think it'll take a figurative kick to the head to get her to see he is using her. Whether he's doing it intentionally or not, I don't know. But either way, he's getting what he wants, while she isn't.

 

Which is why any one who loves and respects themself would not tolerate this behavior. One-sided relationships are doomed to failure. For whatever reason he isn't giving back. The logical step is to pull back as well and let him see what he's missing. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But one thing I do know is to do nothing at all will most definitely end up in failure.

 

So how does someone break free of the fear of losing the relationship if they don't even feel their needs are important enough to be considered in the first place?

 

Simple. Self-respect. If your needs aren't being met, then what is the point of continuing the relationship at all? What have you to lose at this point? You already aren't getting what you feel you deserve from the relationship, so losing them would put you in the same place you're at now except that you can institute NC and work on improving your self-esteem and healing. During that time you can resolve that you will not allow yourself to get into a one-sided relationship anymore.

 

And that's the bottom line, really. If you don't love and respect yourself to say 'I deserve better than this" then that's all you're ever going to get in every relationship. It's why I constantly talk about self-improvement. If you don't love and respect yourself, no one else will. He's proven he doesn't respect her and begging, pleading and pining after someone is proof positive. He's trying to tell her that time and space is something they both need and if she doesn't give it to him, she is guaranteed to lose him.

 

So, it's up to her to figure out what she will and will not put up with.

 

Nowhere did I call her the ulgy names you have used and I would appreciate it in the future if you would not put words in my mouth and assume I am attacking someone. All I have to work with is the information she provided in the thread.

 

If didn't give a damn or feel I could help, I would have ignored the thread.

[CaliGuy]

I went a bit overboard on the "spineless wimp" part. Sorry...

 

Understand I am offering help. Sometimes it's blunt and to the point but I don't call people names.

 

However, I feel he's basically saying she's a co-dependent, needy person who doesn't respect herself. And that she should forget her needs, and just make her wants known. (She already did make her wants known.)

 

Her statements fit the profile of a co-dependent person:http://www.drirene.com/coinfor.htm

 

Maybe I took this quote wrong.. but it seemed like he was implying that her asking her bf to be there more often for her, was pressuring him and pushing him away.

 

No, what I am saying is that he has asked for space and if she doesn't honor it, she would be putting pressure on him which will most assuredly push him away, possibly for good. I've done it myself and have seen first hand what happens when you put pressure on someone.

 

That she's somehow the bad guy, and the bf is just reacting to her behavior. But I didn't get that impression from the OP. She was trying to address what she needed in a realtionship, the bf took off.

 

He's having doubts about the relationship. She wants to talk about it, he's not ready. She forces the issue, he runs away. That's exactly what happens when you unknowingly put pressure on someone. My point is that he doesn't want to discuss it now, he wants space. If she doesn't honor that and pull back herself, she will lose him for good.

 

She wasn't pushing it down his throat.

 

Anytime you talk about an issue with your S/O and they aren't ready to address it, you're putting pressure on them.

 

But Caliguy makes it sound like she's a co-dependent slim ball for wanting to spend time with her guy.

 

Again with putting words in my mouth...cut it out.

 

I just don't think it was helpful in trying to solve her problems. Basically tearing her down for not leaving. That she's the one with the problem, not her bf.

 

She can only control herself, not him. That's why I have put the focus on areas she needs to address and improve upon. I haven't heard his side of the story therefore I can not comment on what areas he needs to improve upon. She can not change him, she's can only change herself. The advice I gave her will help her understand that she needs to work on her self-respect and if she feels her needs aren't being met and he's not ready to give then the logical thing to do is to pull back. There's no choice, really. Continuing to debate it with him will do nothing. He needs to be ready to talk about it. That's why you pull back. You give them time and space to miss you, to evaluate what they want and to make their own changes. If, and only if, he decides that he really does want to be with her then he will be open to communicating. And if he feels it's on his terms then he'll be more willing to listen to her.

 

Now, if that happens she has a choice to make. Does she continue with this relationship taking a chance he really has changed (and so has she) or does she decide she would rather try and find someone who can meet her relationship needs?

 

Like I said, I'm probably wrong.

 

Understand, I think there ARE needs in a relationship that have to met. But it's a two way street where there must be balance. Both sides have to willing to give, not just take. She's giving, he's taking. Very unbalanced. Just like my ex. She was a taker, I gave everything. What happened? Eventually my own lack of self-esteem drove her away. I wasn't even so much a challenge to her and my resentment that she didn't love me the way I wanted to made me unhappy all the time. I was in a relationship with someone I loved, but I never smiled much because I wasn't getting what I wanted and trying to force her to one side of the fence or another by constantly talking about the relationship just drove her away.

 

I'm speaking to her from experience. I've been there. I was co-dependent, I lacked self-esteem and self-respect. Had I known then what I know now things would have been a lot different. I might have just kicked her to the curb right away instead of clinging on to something that just wasn't there.

[movinon05]

Have you heard that phrase "He's just not into you". You have to wake up. He's practically telling you to go. And he's trying to make it sound like it will be your decision. Take it from someone who was manipulated for 7 long years with lies of I love you, I'll never let you go, I'd do anything for you, etc. He never told me to go. He just never came through in the end. It took me 7 years to realize I was worth more and I even left my husband for this jerk. (Not that I regret leaving my husband - but that's another story). And although I wouldn't have ever thought it would happen, I am much happier now that its over. I feel so much better about myself and you will too. Love is supposed to feel good. Not bad. Even if there are little moments of good in between. You have to realize you deserve more than this. I did. And I'll never regret it. You won't either. Be stronger!

[Love2share]

You sound exactly like my BF. I know you mean well, but you are making me more confused.

 

At first, everyone who posted was saying that I was being too "easy" and allowing him to walk all over me. Now you're saying that I have been too "pushy" and should back off him.

 

First, we are long distance because it takes nearly 2 hours to drive 50 miles due to traffic most of the time. We are in the Northeast. We used to talk on the phone and email each other every day. We would see each other twice a week.

 

I don't like that things have changed. Seems like we are communicating less and less as time goes by. I try to talk about this with him. I want to understand why his feelings changed. He doesn't want to talk about it. He insist that he hasn't changed and he demands that I "roll" with it. So that's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to back off.

 

But when I back off, he accuses me of cheating. With my email, I was trying to put the ball in his court so he could see that I'm here for him and not cheating on him. I was hoping that he would like it. But I guess it's not enough.

[crazy_grl]

You sound exactly like my BF. I know you mean well, but you are making me more confused.

 

At first, everyone who posted was saying that I was being too "easy" and allowing him to walk all over me. Now you're saying that I have been too "pushy" and should back off him.

 

You're being too easy because you're letting him walk on you and you're being too pushy at the same time by trying to force him into a relationship he doesn't seem to be that into. All of which can be attributed to neediness and low self-esteem, which is probably being made lower by the way this guy is treating you.

[CaliGuy]

You sound exactly like my BF. I know you mean well, but you are making me more confused.

 

At first, everyone who posted was saying that I was being too "easy" and allowing him to walk all over me. Now you're saying that I have been too "pushy" and should back off him.

 

That's part of being co-dependent. You do both. You swing to one side of the spectrum to the other, never finding balance.

 

I don't like that things have changed. Seems like we are communicating less and less as time goes by.

 

He's pulling away from you. His feelings are changing.

 

I try to talk about this with him. I want to understand why his feelings changed. He doesn't want to talk about it. He insist that he hasn't changed and he demands that I "roll" with it. So that's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to back off.

 

That's all you can do.

 

But when I back off, he accuses me of cheating.

 

That's his own personal insecurities. I am not saying he is faultless.

 

With my email, I was trying to put the ball in his court so he could see that I'm here for him and not cheating on him. I was hoping that he would like it. But I guess it's not enough.

 

You can't change or fix him. All you can do is focus on yourself. Give him space. If you assure him you aren't cheating and he doesn't believe you that is his problem, not yours (as long as you aren't, heh). I guess what I am saying is right now is the time to focus on yourself and your needs. If he isn't putting in to the relationship what you expect, then all you can do is tell him and then give him the space.

 

Sounds like you have. He has to change and only time and space away will help him clear his head.

[CaliGuy]

You're being too easy because you're letting him walk on you and you're being too pushy at the same time by trying to force him into a relationship he doesn't seem to be that into. All of which can be attributed to neediness and low self-esteem, which is probably being made lower by the way this guy is treating you.

 

Exactly. That's why I bring up co-dependency.

 

You swing from one side of the pendulum to the other. From clinging to pushing. From crying to anger. Never quite finding the right balance.

 

It takes time, counseling and understanding to change. Whatever his problem is, she can not fix him. All she can do is work on herself and I do believe give him space to sort his head out. Maybe he comes back, maybe he doesn't. But in the meantime if she can improve in those areas she will be more attractive to him later, or someone else.

[Love2share]

You're being too easy because you're letting him walk on you and you're being too pushy at the same time by trying to force him into a relationship he doesn't seem to be that into.

If he doesn't want to be in the relationship, why does he come after me when I pull away and give him space. If he thinks I'm cheating on him, he WILL dump me, even if I'm not. As long as I don't contact him, he thinks I'm with someone else. He wants me to call him everyday. But when I call him, sometimes he acts like I've interrupted him and he's very disturbed by my call.

 

I'd like to see him at least once a week, and we do. But it's only for short periods of time. We never spend the night. Yet he insist that he loves me unconditionally. He also said he wants to marry me someday.

[CaliGuy]

If he doesn't want to be in the relationship, why does he come after me when I pull away and give him space.

 

That's what pulling away does. And he is confused.

 

If he thinks I'm cheating on him, he WILL dump me, even if I'm not.

 

All you can do is tell him you are not. He has a problem.

 

As long as I don't contact him, he thinks I'm with someone else.

 

His own insecurities.

 

He wants me to call him everyday.

 

Don't, because:

 

But when I call him, sometimes he acts like I've interrupted him and he's very disturbed by my call.

 

Tell him if he wants you to call everyday then he shouldn't have an attitude otherwise you won't.

 

I'd like to see him at least once a week, and we do. But it's only for short periods of time. We never spend the night.

 

You have to decide what you want. Sounds like he wants everything his way. If this isn't what you want, then be strong enough to cut the ties and move on.

[BRISEIS]

Sweetheart, now look Love is a game, well hell life is a game. It's just a matter of how you play it, but no matter what, don't let yourself get played. Basically, not to be mean, but he isnt making time to be with you. remember this: YOU MAKE TIME FOR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO MAKE TIME FOR. When you said that you have to beg him to spend time with him, that isn't necessary. You don't need to beg nobody. This guy seems like an a** hole. You need to dump his a** and if I were you, I wouldn;t take him back. He has dumped you too? and you begged him to take you back? No ma'am, don't you take him back. You have done your part. So, f*** him. There will be plenty more men out there. He is only one person. I know it may be hard because as I can see, you really love him and really let your guard down. When you become TOO AVALIABLE like that, it starts to be unattractive and I mean the challenge is over because this man knows he has you wrapped around his finger. In his reply to you, he doesn't really make it clear that he "wants to be with you" he isn't being a man about it, I mean I would respect him more if he would stop trying to CHANGE his reply into a "it's all on you or do what makes you happy" kind of thing (that is bull****) Its a sugarcoat kind of response that he gave you. He should be more upfront instead of dangling your feelings around like that. But with that being said, Let the man go. He doesn't want to be with you obviously so do you and do things for yourself. Do what makes you happy. You don't need him to be happy! Think of all the people who love you and care for you. The people that you don't have to beg from! Remember that if you keep thinking about him and keep wondering what if, You will make it hard for yourself. So start new activities or spend time with your friends and family to get your mind off of him. Don't go anywhere where you have memories of him, etc. That's a goodplace to start. Start realizing that you should never just throw your heart on a plate when you and I both know this dude aint worth it. So please, move on. I hope all goes well and remember that you have to be a strong woman about this. But, don't hate all men, all men are different, its just a matter of picking and getting the right one.

 

PS: In response to his letter, you should've said:

After thinking about what you said, you're right I am not happy being with you. I would be lying to myself by continuing to make something work when I know that the chemistry is gone.

With that being said, its best that we go our separate ways.

 

See, that's all you need, short and sweet. This way, you aren't leaking out more emotions that you haven't already put out there.

And I have noticed that you keep pin-pointing out things to support everything like the fact that you have broken up with him too, well okay, that's all irrelevant. And you keep defending his actions! You know the answer to your own crisis. Realize that but "he wants to marry me" is irrelevant. If he wants you, he will do so. If he wants to marry you, he will pop the question. Stop this: "You sound exactly like my BF. I know you mean well, but you are making me more confused.

At first, everyone who posted was saying that I was being too "easy" and allowing him to walk all over me. Now you're saying that I have been too "pushy" and should back off him.

First, we are long distance because it takes nearly 2 hours to drive 50 miles due to traffic most of the time. We are in the Northeast. We used to talk on the phone and email each other every day. We would see each other twice a week.

Its like you are defending him. Or defending the situation. What is there to be confused about?

Whew, if you are like this with this guy, I feel sorry for you when it comes to falling in love with someone else. You let yourself go too fast and even though you KNOW you have, you keep doing it. So don't go into another relationship just yet or into the dating field.

LORD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN AND WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

Take time out for yourself, And in order to get over this man, you must understand why and what it is that you love about him so much. Then when you can figure that out, Remember how he has treated you, and so forth to build from this experience. Staying with him will only deteriorate your self esteem and self worth.