Love2share Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Hi everyone. You know the old saying, "You catch more bees with honey?" Well, I'm considering applying this concept to my current relationship. I've been dating this guy off and on for over a year. We've been breaking up and getting back together since the day we met. I've caught him lying to me several times. I know he has cheated on me. Most of the time, he's just a real jerk. He usually dumps me because he gets tired of me arguing with him about things. Then I cry and beg him to take me back. He does, and the cycle continues. I really love him and I want him to love me the same. I had to beg him to spend time with me this past weekend. Our relationship is kinda long distance because we are 50 miles apart. Recently, I just got an apartment closer to where he lives, but I also had to beg my BF to take a key. Today, I typed this email to him and sent it. But now I'm afraid that it may be allowing him to walk all over me more. Or perhaps it will make him realize how much I love him and he will treat me better. What do you all think? Here it is: I know you don't Love me really but I do hope one day that you will. About what you said this morning, well I "put up" with you cause I know deep down your a sweet man, and that's who I love. Yes you've been hurt in the past and the last time was really bad, but just cause I'm young doesn't mean that I'm going to hurt you. So try to let that guard down for the both of us anyway. I'm cool w/talking to you when you have time, I'll be around. Sorry about calling you tonight and disturbing you. Thanks for the advice about my apartment security though. Have a good week at work and hopefully I can see you on saturday afternoon. PS - Thanks for sharing your limited time with me this weekend and I really had fun watching football with you and laughing with you in the bed. Even though you had bad gas :-)
My_Other_I Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Oh girly, you are offering yourself on a platter. You pretty much stated that you are guaranteed. Don't tell him that you will be around for him, or that he doesn't really love you. Be a cool chick and tell him that you are worth more than just waiting around and hoping. Good luck!
tinktronik Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 What are you doin?Dont let him walk all over you swettie.
Author Love2share Posted January 17, 2006 Author Posted January 17, 2006 But I've tried that bold thing with him before each time I confront him with a problem. I have broken up with him before too! I feel sooo confused because I know he doesn't really love me. And if I ever walked away for real, he wouldn't chase me. Right now, I believe he's seeing someone else, and there's nothing I can do to stop him. I was hoping that I can LOVE him enough to make him love me and be faitful to me. I don't know.... I wish he could just see how much I love him.
My_Other_I Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Uhoh! First of all - you cannot make anyone to love you! Remember that. It doesn't matter how much you love them; its not a guarantee of the return. You cannot change his feelings, it's his internal matter. You might be able to confuse him for a while or to fill in until he finds someone who he has feelings for. Second - if you know he wouldn't chase you, stop chasing him. He is not interested enough. Say good bye to him, since he hasn't grown the balls to be honest with you yet. Sorry, but he really is not interested enough to have a relationship with you. Pick you battle - leave with dignity, shed some tears and find someone who will love you, or chase after him, lose self-respect (and his respect) and waste time on chasing a dream. This is harsh, but please, open your eyes. Hugs - MOI 1
witabix Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Uhoh! First of all - you cannot make anyone to love you! Remember that. It doesn't matter how much you love them; its not a guarantee of the return. You cannot change his feelings, it's his internal matter. You might be able to confuse him for a while or to fill in until he finds someone who he has feelings for. Second - if you know he wouldn't chase you, stop chasing him. He is not interested enough. Say good bye to him, since he hasn't grown the balls to be honest with you yet. Sorry, but he really is not interested enough to have a relationship with you. Pick you battle - leave with dignity, shed some tears and find someone who will love you, or chase after him, lose self-respect (and his respect) and waste time on chasing a dream. This is harsh, but please, open your eyes. Hugs - MOI Couldn't agree more. Right on target.
mel777 Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 [quote name= Here it is: I know you don't Love me really but I do hope one day that you will. About what you said this morning, well I "put up" with you cause I know deep down your a sweet man, and that's who I love. Yes you've been hurt in the past and the last time was really bad, but just cause I'm young doesn't mean that I'm going to hurt you. So try to let that guard down for the both of us anyway. I'm cool w/talking to you when you have time, I'll be around. Sorry about calling you tonight and disturbing you. Thanks for the advice about my apartment security though. Have a good week at work and hopefully I can see you on saturday afternoon. PS - Thanks for sharing your limited time with me this weekend and I really had fun watching football with you and laughing with you in the bed. Even though you had bad gas :-) I think you need to send this e-mail instead--- I know you don't Love me really but I "put up" with you cause I thought deep down you were a sweet man. Yes you've been hurt in the past and the last time was really bad, but just cause I'm young doesn't mean that I'm going to hurt you. So I waited for you to get over it but now I realize I deserve better. I'm not going to wait for a man I think you can be i am going to walk away from the cold emotionally brokendown man you are. I'm don't want to talk to you as I will not have the time or the inclination to have any further contact. I would thank you for sharing your limited time with me this weekend but your bad gas and even worse attitude negates such desire. I know I can do better then you, however my dear friend you will never do any better then me. THEN GO OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AND REDISCOVER YOUR SELF WORTH. There are guys out there who will want to be with you without all this drama!
Weye Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 You know he doesn't love you, so you offer him 'honey' so he'll come back to you and return your love. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. He'll fly in, eat up all of your 'honey' and buzz off to the next girl. He's cheated on you, he's with another girl, he doesn't love you, do you really think you have any reason to stick around? Leave him. 1
Sami_D Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 You may as well have written: "Treat me how you like, lie to me, cheat on me, fart in my bed and I'll still be here whenever you want sex." You want to love someone and treat them well, but he's not the one. Don't ever give so much to someone who is offering you so very little.
Lishy Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Oh babe you have just given him the red light to wipe his feet on you on the way out the door! I dont know what to advise you as I know when you love someone it is so hard. My ultimate advice would be to stop contcat with him but I know how hard that is. If you can then stop contact and let him make ALL the moves from now on. Then you will know his true feelings. My other advise is much harsher - Drop him like a hot potato and find someone who is worthy of your lovely self!!!!!!!!!
l2hvn Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 how old are you, love2share? just curious... sounds like you haven't had much experience in relationships. you have to leave him asap!!! it hurts i know, but trust us, it will be the best move you'll ever make.
Author Love2share Posted January 18, 2006 Author Posted January 18, 2006 Him: "Listen, I never said a long distance relationship would be easy. And I don't like talking on the phone. I've told you this before. What don't you understand? You need to accept that the situation won't be changing any time soon and we will be long distance for a while. So you have to chill out with the situation (like me) or move on because YOU aren't happy. So stop with this because you're making me miserable." Me: "Okay fine." Him: "at this point you're making me think that you can't handle this situation. If you can't then fine, get yourself out of it. I simply want what's best for you. So, pull yourself together and be logical. If you still want us to be together then just relax and flow with it. I have done a long distance relationship before and I learned that from that situation."
mel777 Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 What's the age difference becuase he sounds like a dad lecturing his child?
whichwayisup Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Well, his reply was very clear. The ball is in your court now. Maybe tell him you need abit of time to think. Then take a giant step BACK, concentrate on YOU for a little while. Figure out what it is that you love about him, why you are with him and what good he brings into your life. He seems set in his ways and isn't going to go OUT of his way for you at all. Take it or leave it.
clandestinidad Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 I agree....he's basically said that he doesnt care what you do. Why be with someone who doesnt love you?? Its not like it will magically grow later. Life is too short to be spent like this....find someone who loves you and shows it
Lishy Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 He is acting like a complete prick!!!!!!!! He is basically telling you to like it or lump it! Send him this mail back ....... Hi Thanks for your reply. I have thought about what you have said to me and I have decided that you really are not worth my time, effort and emotions. Have a good life and lets hope that you do not get treated the way you have treated me! Honey dont let a guy treat you that bad - He is not worthy of you!
Author Love2share Posted January 18, 2006 Author Posted January 18, 2006 I have broken up with him before when he gave me an ultimatum. What happens is when I step away & stop contacting him, he comes running after me apologizing and declaring his never ending love for me. Each time, I'm convinced that this time will be for real. We get back together. For a while, he's the perfect gentleman. Unfortunately, we end up having the same conflicts over and over again. As soon as he knows I'm over the last break up, he starts being a prick again. When he breaks up with me, I feel soo sad and alone. I go running to him and beg him to take me back. He does. And the cycle continues. All of this makes me think the two of us were made for each other. Like we are soul mates. We make each other miserable. But we are more miserable when we are apart. That's why it's so hard for me to let go. Does this make any sense?
CaliGuy Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 I have broken up with him before when he gave me an ultimatum. What happens is when I step away & stop contacting him, he comes running after me apologizing and declaring his never ending love for me. Each time, I'm convinced that this time will be for real. We get back together. For a while, he's the perfect gentleman. Unfortunately, we end up having the same conflicts over and over again. As soon as he knows I'm over the last break up, he starts being a prick again. When he breaks up with me, I feel soo sad and alone. I go running to him and beg him to take me back. He does. And the cycle continues. All of this makes me think the two of us were made for each other. Like we are soul mates. We make each other miserable. But we are more miserable when we are apart. That's why it's so hard for me to let go. Does this make any sense? Never ending cycle. He's not the right man for you and he will never change. Don't you think you deserve to be with someone better for you? He just uses the apologies, begging and the 'temporary changes' to get you back. Once you are comfortable he goes back to being the same guy he was before. Read my tag line for how I feel about that behavior
crazy_grl Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 All of this makes me think the two of us were made for each other. Like we are soul mates. We make each other miserable. But we are more miserable when we are apart. That's why it's so hard for me to let go. Does this make any sense? This line of thinking will get you nowhere but continued heartache. That kind of behavior doesn't show that you're soulmates. It shows that you're both probably afraid of being alone. Also, of course it hurts to end a relationship. You're essentially going through withdrawls, so it's easier to just to jump right back in than to stay strong and fight through the pain. If you immediately run back to him or he chases after you, you probably haven't been giving yourself enough time to get past the intial pain of the breakup in order to actually realize that you're happier and stronger without him. Break up with him and focus on yourself. When you start missing him or when he comes running after you, remind yourself how much heartache he causes and how disrespectful he's been.
Chimerical Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Him: "Listen, I never said a long distance relationship would be easy. And I don't like talking on the phone. I've told you this before. What don't you understand? You need to accept that the situation won't be changing any time soon and we will be long distance for a while. So you have to chill out with the situation (like me) or move on because YOU aren't happy. So stop with this because you're making me miserable." Me: "Okay fine." Him: "at this point you're making me think that you can't handle this situation. If you can't then fine, get yourself out of it. I simply want what's best for you. So, pull yourself together and be logical. If you still want us to be together then just relax and flow with it. I have done a long distance relationship before and I learned that from that situation." Is this all in response to the email you sent him? Seems a bit... over kill for simply saying you think he's a good guy and you like spending time with him. Why'd he respond so harshly? IMO, I wouldn't call less than an hours drive a long distance relationship... And I've spent more time with guys who lived an hour, hour and a half, away then with some guys who've lived 10 minutes away. I think you'd do well to figure out what you want from him in this relationship. Sounds to me as if you're looking for more emotion, possibly more physical affection, and he's not willing to give it to you. Also, if he's cheating on you, Please, please, protect yourself... It just takes once and you're screwed for life.
glaxal Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Grow a backbone. No guys deserves to treat you like that. NO ONE. Maybe you forgot how it is to be happy. If your both miserable with each other thats a MAJOR sign...imagine how it would be when your older and you've realized you've wasted all your time on a piece of s***. Don't settle for bulls***. He makes it seem like it either his way or the highway relationsips are about commitment, respect, trust, honesty and compromise..it really seems like your relationships is lacking all of it.
Author Love2share Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 He's 31. I'm 23. We met when I was 21 and he was 29. I sent the first email on this post after an argument we had over his lack of attention to me. I hoped it would make him happy to know that I love him no matter what. But it seems like he saw right through it and wasted all the honey I was trying to give him. He wants me to stop complaining about things. And I don't want to be alone. Right after this email, I didn't call him that night. He didn't call me either. But the next morning, he called me at 6:30am accusing me of cheating since I didn't call him the night before. I wonder what he was doing that night since he also didn't bother to call me. This happens all the time. When I pursue him, he tells me to back off and chill out. When I stop pursuing him, he accuses me of being unfaithful because he knows that I don't like to be alone. He assumes that if I'm not with him, then I'm with sombody else. This whole thing is very very frustrating for me. I get headaches all the time. But I can't leave him. I just can't. I want our relationship to get better.
crazy_grl Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 I sent the first email on this post after an argument we had over his lack of attention to me. I hoped it would make him happy to know that I love him no matter what. It's pretty clear that he knows you won't leave him. It's also pretty clear that he doesn't respect you much or think that highly of you. In his response, he was lecturing you and practically begging you to have some self respect and leave him because you're so miserable and he is too. But I can't leave him. I just can't. I want our relationship to get better. l2s, it really sounds like you have personal issues that you're trying use this guy to fill in for. You're using him to create your happiness instead of getting it from within. That's not healthy. As long as you're in the relationship just to avoid being alone, it's not going to get better. I suggest you start some counseling, or if you can't afford it, look for some books about the fear of being alone
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