jblecha Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Hello everyone. I feel very alone and I had to turn to someone. A week ago my girlfriend says she wants to take a break to figure out if she can put in the effort to fix our problems(fighting and the small bickering). We went to san fran for the weekend and fought one night but besides that we had a great time I thought. She told me she still loves me and doesn't want to break up. I agreed only on the condition that we stayed together to assure myself that she wasn't doing this to see other people. She agreed and she said she'll call me when she is ready. I have never felt this much pain in my entire life. She is my best friend, lover and everything that I want and need. I told her that I love her with all of my heart before we stopped talking. The thing that gets me is that when I was talking to her in person she seemed as if she was fighting herself in what she believed. She didn't let me get close and on the phone she said she didn't even want to see me because she felt that once she laid down and was in my arms she would not be able to take the break. I don't get it if she loves me and if being in my arms feels so right how is their a problem. I know we have communication problems but that something that I am prepared to do what it takes to fix them. I feel so distant from her and I just want to hold her and be with my girl. I feel like I'm apart of a sick and twisted love movie. This is my first long term relationship(1.5 yrs.) so any advice would help. Thank you for your time and advice.
witabix Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Hello everyone. I feel very alone and I had to turn to someone. A week ago my girlfriend says she wants to take a break to figure out if she can put in the effort to fix our problems(fighting and the small bickering). We went to san fran for the weekend and fought one night but besides that we had a great time I thought. She told me she still loves me and doesn't want to break up. I agreed only on the condition that we stayed together to assure myself that she wasn't doing this to see other people. She agreed and she said she'll call me when she is ready. I have never felt this much pain in my entire life. She is my best friend, lover and everything that I want and need. I told her that I love her with all of my heart before we stopped talking. The thing that gets me is that when I was talking to her in person she seemed as if she was fighting herself in what she believed. She didn't let me get close and on the phone she said she didn't even want to see me because she felt that once she laid down and was in my arms she would not be able to take the break. I don't get it if she loves me and if being in my arms feels so right how is their a problem. I know we have communication problems but that something that I am prepared to do what it takes to fix them. I feel so distant from her and I just want to hold her and be with my girl. I feel like I'm apart of a sick and twisted love movie. This is my first long term relationship(1.5 yrs.) so any advice would help. Thank you for your time and advice. My advice, if she wants to take a break to think about it, let her. You cannot force anyone to be with who is not sure or doesn't want to be there. Don't worry about her seeing other people. That may help her to understand what she wants, of course that depends a little on how old she is I think. Arguments are not necessarily a sign of anything. Having arguments regularly, and the level at which they occur may be sign of underlying problems. Symptoms though, not causes in themselves. Talking is always worthwhile, even if it means talking about breaking up. Understanding each other even if it leads to break up is far better than just walking out. Understanding what happened and why it happened helps people to avoid the same mistakes in future, with each other, or with other people. Go with what your gut tells you, but try not to let it get into an argument about whether you will LET her take a break. I do not think you have a choice if that is what she wants. Respect her. Trust what you have together to bring her back. If she doesn't return it was not meant to be. Then its time to turn into the wind and sail away, with pride and dignity.
Author jblecha Posted January 17, 2006 Author Posted January 17, 2006 we are on the break and it is so hard not to talk to her. I hope she is really thinking and not subsituting what I was in her life with her friends so she doesn't have to think about what is going on with us.
beangirl46 Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Does she have any issues from the past with an ex?
Author jblecha Posted January 17, 2006 Author Posted January 17, 2006 yeah severe verbal AND physical abuse. But we talked about her past and it has never been an issue when it comes to us. Although I did ask her if she was doing this to have control in this relationship like she didn't have in previous and she said no.
Author jblecha Posted January 17, 2006 Author Posted January 17, 2006 I have a question about what I should do this thursday. We have a friend, more hers than mine, and it's her birthday. I rarely talk to this girl but she is my friend. There is a dinner and then a party later. I have been trying to draw a conclusion on what I should do. If I go she can get mad at me for going and think I went just because she was going to be there. She could also not even acknowledge me which would hurt so bad. I will also feel that I will violate her wishes of giving her space. I think she would expect me to go. If I do go what should I do? If I don't go, I think she could have a better time not worrying about why I'm there and her putting on a front like I'm not even there. I also feel that if I don't go she wouldn't expect that and would wonder where and what I'm doing. I also feel that I could avoid the possibility of her ignoring me.
witabix Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Confusion reigns. My advice, gon't go. Sounds like you will be in so much turmoil you couldn't possibly enjoy yourself or relax even. Go to the movies, or a drink with other friends, better still take another girl on a date. She wants space, give it to her. Find your own space too. Just my thoughts.
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