Lil Honey Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 I'm really not sure why someone would want a challenge. Isn't it challenge enough to find someone then keep the relationship going? And what happens when one has conquered their challenge? Do they leave because it suddenly became boring? That's another thing . . . people have this expectation that a relationship is all hearts, rainbows and butterflies. They fail to realize that a relationship is WORK. Too many not only don't have a good work ethic, but they also don't have any sense of responsibility or accountability. There are so many hand-outs that folks expect to be handed someone to spend time with.
basscatcher Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 That's another thing . . . people have this expectation that a relationship is all hearts, rainbows and butterflies.. "Cinderella Complex"---"Romeo Complex"
SmoochieFace Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 "Cinderella Complex"---"Romeo Complex" Yeah, and it's all bullshyt too.
Yamaha Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 The thing is you can't legislate chemistry and attraction. You could have someone who fits all of your criteria and you still don't want to date them. Talking about what people want is so misleading because if all the puzzle pieces fit you might have a beautiful, complete picture but you don't feel anything for it. The mind and the heart are two different things and when dealing with chemistry and attraction it is all about the heart.
BlahBlahQueen Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 That's another thing . . . people have this expectation that a relationship is all hearts, rainbows and butterflies. They fail to realize that a relationship is WORK. Stop quoting Maroon 5 "It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along..."
cygny Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 This has got to be one of the most overused cliches in existence... and it is absolutely ridiculous. Why do people even subscribe to this silly concept? There are LOTS of things I *can't have* - and I do not waste any of my time pining over them. It's just crazy. because if you had them already...you wouldn't feel the desire to have them..because you already would have them...so you only want things you don't already have (doesn't mean you want EVERYTHING you don't have)...see? lol
Outcast Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 because if you had them already...you wouldn't feel the desire to have them..because you already would have them...so you only want things you don't already have (doesn't mean you want EVERYTHING you don't have)...see? lol So then it's pointless to marry because once you 'have' someone you won't want him anymore? Boy, that's mature.
cygny Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 The thing is you can't legislate chemistry and attraction. You could have someone who fits all of your criteria and you still don't want to date them. Talking about what people want is so misleading because if all the puzzle pieces fit you might have a beautiful, complete picture but you don't feel anything for it. The mind and the heart are two different things and when dealing with chemistry and attraction it is all about the heart. true... and may I add that attraction is not really a choice either, so that's why arguments to like someone do not work...you either feel the desire or you don't...
Devils Advocate Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 I don't see the logic here. There's an inherent assumption in your statement that women give advice that benefits themselves whilst men are more inclined to give advice that is altruistic and designed only to help the advice-seeker. Ask another man how you can go about getting a girlfriend like his, and he may try to seriously help you...or he might just seize your question as an opportunity to "big himself up". To indulge in a little machismo rather than to seriously and objectively explore the issue of what makes some men more successful than others in the dating game. The logic here is that asking the average woman about dating and she will tell you the same repetitive list (funny, nice, sweet, good listener,etc.) and neglect to mention that it doesn't work. That's the type of man that women go for AFTER they are finished dating the exciting wanna-be alpha male. Ask a man and if he answers he'll tell you what WORKS. Women give ideals that they like but don't want until their ready to settle down, men give advice on how to get the woman you want and make her ready right now. It's a major distinction but one that successful men now.
BlahBlahQueen Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Women give ideals that they like but don't want until their ready to settle down, men give advice on how to get the woman you want and make her ready right now. It's a major distinction but one that successful men now. Well don't go lumping me into that category, because the list I gave you is the stuff I go for every day of my life. I target men with those qualities. All in all, they are the sum total of my exes and my current SO. A man who's missing more than one of those qualities invariably gets dropped like a hot tater - or worse, completely overlooked. They aren't just qualities of my "ideal future mate"; they are the qualities that make me horny, here and now. Numbers 1, 2, 3, 6, and 7 in particular seem to create chemistry itself. So there goes your theory, at least as far as I go.
Outcast Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 dating the exciting wanna-be alpha male. Apparently you think these types are 'exciting'. You're welcome to date them. No self-respecting woman will.
Devils Advocate Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Well don't go lumping me into that category, because the list I gave you is the stuff I go for every day of my life. I target men with those qualities. All in all, they are the sum total of my exes and my current SO. A man who's missing more than one of those qualities invariably gets dropped like a hot tater - or worse, completely overlooked. They aren't just qualities of my "ideal future mate"; they are the qualities that make me horny, here and now. Numbers 1, 2, 3, 6, and 7 in particular seem to create chemistry itself. So there goes your theory, at least as far as I go. No your comments validate my "theory". The man who who get's dropped like a "hot tater" is the man who got picked up in the first place. What you look for in a man and who you give a try too are completely different (otherwise you'd never have to drop one). The advise from an archetypical woman will be to be yourself and wait/look for the woman who wants that. Ideal for a woman who's accostumed to being approached and has multiple options to choose from at any time. Less than optimal for a man who is expected to do the approaching. This tactic will lead to extreme delays and disappointment in the dating game. The advice that the archetypical man I describe will instruct the curious on what to do to get past that "completely overlooked" and into the I'll give him a try area. This approach is ideal for the man who is still deciding what he wants or simply wants to continue playing the field. Less than ideal for a woman since each attempt will cost her precious time (healthy fertility window is short) and the quality males do not choose to pair with overly promiscuous women. What comes after that is a different matter. Addendum. dating the exciting wanna-be alpha male. Apparently you think these types are 'exciting'. You're welcome to date them. No self-respecting woman will.[/Quote] You're argument would have merit if this type weren't consistently at the type chased after by the majority of women.
Milo Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Women dig men from Bohemia. Tell them you are from there. When they ask where that is, say it's right next to Moravia. Women go nuts when they see a pirate hat, too. So get the best one you can afford. I think that adds just enough intrigue into the game. Or perhaps you can come up with an obscure medical condition. What mystery is mycogexiclophagia! You will leave them wondering.
cygny Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 No your comments validate my "theory". The man who who get's dropped like a "hot tater" is the man who got picked up in the first place. What you look for in a man and who you give a try too are completely different (otherwise you'd never have to drop one). The advise from an archetypical woman will be to be yourself and wait/look for the woman who wants that. Ideal for a woman who's accostumed to being approached and has multiple options to choose from at any time. Less than optimal for a man who is expected to do the approaching. This tactic will lead to extreme delays and disappointment in the dating game. The advice that the archetypical man I describe will instruct the curious on what to do to get past that "completely overlooked" and into the I'll give him a try area. This approach is ideal for the man who is still deciding what he wants or simply wants to continue playing the field. Less than ideal for a woman since each attempt will cost her precious time (healthy fertility window is short) and the quality males do not choose to pair with overly promiscuous women. What comes after that is a different matter. Addendum. You're argument would have merit if this type weren't consistently at the type chased after by the majority of women. except..there is no such thing as an archetypal man...he does not actually exist...he is a figment of your imagination...there are only real men and there is no real man that has all the answers, only partial answers...so that invalidates your theory---which is just that, and not necessarily what 'actually works' in all situations---lol
BlahBlahQueen Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 No your comments validate my "theory". The man who who get's dropped like a "hot tater" is the man who got picked up in the first place. What you look for in a man and who you give a try too are completely different (otherwise you'd never have to drop one). You're argument would have merit if this type weren't consistently at the type chased after by the majority of women. No, some of these qualities are "faked" or aren't obvious from the get-go. As soon as I see them lacking, it's off with their heads. This doesn't take more than a day or two, as I tend to have revealing conversations very quickly. And again, no, my insight is usually dead-on. I don't often have to drop men. 90% of the guys I even give a shot are within my set limits, 5% are either booty calls or have some exceptional redeeming quality, and the remaining 5% are the ones who get dropped. And I never said I was in the majority. I wouldn't know. Women baffle me, personally.
Outcast Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 if this type weren't consistently at the type chased after by the majority of women. It's not but you're welcome to live in your dream world. Alone. As you continue to operate out of your theory only to fail frequently. Oh, you'll fool some people for a while but when they find out what's really under there, they'll realize how dull and bogus it is. Good luck with the pirate hat.
lindya Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 That's the type of man that women go for AFTER they are finished dating the exciting wanna-be alpha male. Why on earth would anybody want to be with a "wanna-be" alphamale? The more a man tries to be what he is not, the more it draws attention to what he is not.
Nur Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 That's the type of man that women go for AFTER they are finished dating the exciting wanna-be alpha male. That's entirely untrue to say of all women. I've only dated one guy, and he is a quality one. I don't think I'd waste my time on wanna-be alphas. I am not attracted to them, and have little use for them.
Mz. Pixie Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 What cracks me up here is that we women get asked for what we want, we tell you, and then we're wrong???? I think LS has a pretty broad spectrum of female posters and we all keep saying that you're wrong but yet you guys do not believe us?? :lmao:
lindya Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 What cracks me up here is that we women get asked for what we want, we tell you, and then we're wrong???? I think LS has a pretty broad spectrum of female posters and we all keep saying that you're wrong but yet you guys do not believe us?? :lmao: I suppose that's typical of how people get locked into a certain way of thinking. They disregard any evidence that challenges the prevailing view, and hook onto evidence that supports it. Much as allegedly objective scientists sometimes set up experiments in a manner that will influence the outcome so as to support a particular hypothesis. It's a major block to the learning process. I guess too that even in this day and age, there are some men (and women) who believe that women are morally and intellectually inferior...therefore they deem the feminine perspective as less significant and less trustworthy.
blind_otter Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 What cracks me up here is that we women get asked for what we want, we tell you, and then we're wrong???? I think LS has a pretty broad spectrum of female posters and we all keep saying that you're wrong but yet you guys do not believe us?? :lmao: It's the archaic "no means yes" mindset...
SmoochieFace Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 because if you had them already...you wouldn't feel the desire to have them..because you already would have them...so you only want things you don't already have (doesn't mean you want EVERYTHING you don't have)...see? lol No, I don't *see* your point. Perhaps I am *different* then. I just don't have this desire to lust after women that I either don't have or cannot have. To me, it's just a waste of time and energy... time and energy that can be focused on who and what I DO have. And, believe me, the more time I spend with my GF the more I want her.
Lil Honey Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Well don't go lumping me into that category, because the list I gave you is the stuff I go for . . . I target men with those qualities. I agree, but I don't "target" anyone. I don't go "looking." I generally surround myself with certain types of people anyway. Hmmm . . . I don't know if I'm making sense . . . Okay . . . if I'm not interested in the biker type, then I'm not going to be in any situation where they are anyway, so I'm not going to avoid them. I'm naturally going to be where there are people with similar interests to mine. All in all, they are the sum total of my exes and my current SO. This makes sense. A man who's missing more than one of those qualities invariably gets dropped like a hot tater - or worse, completely overlooked. I think this is unfortunate. If you want a man who is 6'3" tall and has a fantastic sense of humor (for example), are you going to turn down a guy that is 5'11" and has a fantastic sense of humor? I just think rigidity is simply going to make your choices very slim. The thing is, NONE of us is perfect. So, for a man to only look at a trophy woman when he isn't a trophy himself leds me to wonder where his expectations are coming from. The same goes for women, who are looking for Mr. Wonderful while they think they are all that. Jeez, we are just people! Mr. Wonderful might look great, but what about his personality and long-term qualities makes him an investment?
BlahBlahQueen Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 I think this is unfortunate. If you want a man who is 6'3" tall and has a fantastic sense of humor (for example), are you going to turn down a guy that is 5'11" and has a fantastic sense of humor? I just think rigidity is simply going to make your choices very slim. The thing is, NONE of us is perfect. So, for a man to only look at a trophy woman when he isn't a trophy himself leds me to wonder where his expectations are coming from. The same goes for women, who are looking for Mr. Wonderful while they think they are all that. Jeez, we are just people! Mr. Wonderful might look great, but what about his personality and long-term qualities makes him an investment? That's why the last three qualities (looks, sexual skill, and life experiences) were "should haves" and not "must haves". They are more optional. The real deal-breakers are the first seven. I've fallen in love with a couple of uglies, and probably will again. Well, hopefully not if my current relationship continues on the pleasant path it's on right now. And 5'11" is tall enough. It all sounds rigid, it does, but believe it or not, that has still left me with a good-sized dating pool. What's wrong with setting a few standards? What's the use of wandering around the dating world aimlessly? I believe it's a surefire way to find exactly what you DON'T want. They are just ten qualities! Ten qualities cannot possibly encompass human perfection. They are just the ten that I seem to seek out actively.
slubberdegullion Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 What cracks me up here is that we women get asked for what we want, we tell you, and then we're wrong???? I think LS has a pretty broad spectrum of female posters and we all keep saying that you're wrong but yet you guys do not believe us?? :lmao: Well, it's funny because it's not uncommon for both men AND women to have some sort of criteria they ideally look for in a partner, but when it actually takes place, the criteria get quickly discarded. I cannot begin to tell you how many times the nice fellows I know lose their SOs to the dangerous, exciting type with the tattoos and the beards down to there and all the rest. And, of course, I've seen it often enough where the fellow leaves his dutiful partner of many years to leap into bed with the vain, blue-eyed, blonde-haired, can-suck-a-golfball-through-a-garden-hose type.
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