Sanch62 Posted October 3 Posted October 3 10 hours ago, sarnrt said: Thank you, that does make sense. It seems to have started after their last holiday when they got engaged. She was a little put out because he didnt (and still hasnt) told her. I will bring it up with her next time, but only to find out why. I wont judge ot get angry but I just dont like the lies. Id rather her be honest but i understand its probably not something she wants to discuss. Appreciate your reply Then why set her up on the spot to feel guilty? If you don't want her to censor her answer to accommodate your insecurities, then why interrogate this only to position both of you badly? Instead, create a safe space for her to confide in you. Tell her that you really feel for her because you notice she unblocked the ex during his last trip to see the people she loves, and you understand how hard this is for her. Then let her discuss how she feels in THAT context rather than setting her up to perform an "I'm okay" deflection to avoid upsetting you. Decide whether you want to encourage her to be on the same side, or whether you want your insecurities to drive her into assumptions of a need for self-protection. You get to choose. 1
glows Posted October 3 Posted October 3 16 hours ago, sarnrt said: Thank you, and yes we all look up exes. I think for me its the going back on specifically for his holidays. I think as shes probably expecting them to get pregnant as the holdiay before this started they got engaged. There are no other issues, its just the lies to go back on. Would you bring it up if it happens again? Obviously in a calm and curious manner. Yeah I’d bring it up bc you’re utterly obsessed and to be brutally honest I really don’t think this relationship is healthy. I say this with care bc I don’t think the way this is going shows this relationship will last. It’s barely a year and also not clear if she’s legally divorced. Did you mention earlier if she’s divorced?? Things are just way too fresh. Plus they share custody /coparent a child. They say to avoid dating at least a couple of years post divorce. Ofc that doesn’t apply to everyone but it’s a rough guideline and something to keep in mind. Others use a formula based on x years married. Whatever it is this was rushed and you’re now seeing why it wasn’t a good idea dating her at all. if you do bring it up be prepared for the rl to end and to walk away from something that isn’t really doing it for you. She is already mumbly and somewhat evasive about why she’s reactivating fb or on it. That in itself is kind of stupid. If you need fb to check on your son and see his photos while he’s with his dad then just keep it activated. What is her damn problem on and off. It’s giving whiplash. Either way I think you’ll have to make a decision fairly soon whether to drop this rumination and trust her or just break up with her.
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