Girlfriend checking up on ex husband behind my back [combined threads]

[Sanch62]

10 hours ago, sarnrt said:

Thank you, that does make sense. It seems to have started after their last holiday when they got engaged. She was a little put out because he didnt (and still hasnt) told her.

I will bring it up with her next time, but only to find out why. I wont judge ot get angry but I just dont like the lies. Id rather her be honest but i understand its probably not something she wants to discuss.

 

Appreciate your reply

Then why set her up on the spot to feel guilty?

If you don't want her to censor her answer to accommodate your insecurities, then why interrogate this only to position both of you badly?

Instead, create a safe space for her to confide in you. Tell her that you really feel for her because you notice she unblocked the ex during his last trip to see the people she loves, and you understand how hard this is for her.

Then let her discuss how she feels in THAT context rather than setting her up to perform an "I'm okay" deflection to avoid upsetting you.

Decide whether you want to encourage her to be on the same side, or whether you want your insecurities to drive her into assumptions of a need for self-protection. You get to choose.