Girlfriend checking up on ex husband behind my back

[sarnrt]

I've recently worked out (and it could be a massive coincidence) that my girlfriend reactivates her Facebook whilst her ex husband is on holiday at his parents house who live in another part of the country. She deactives it soon after he's back. This has happened twice in the last few months. For the record she is not facebook friends with him, but is with his sister and potentially other members.

 

History: She was.with her ex husband for 6 years, they have a 3 year old son together. He cheated on her and left for another woman. She wanted him to stay and work it out. He declined. Fast forward 2 years and they're now engaged.

I started a casual relationship with my GF about 10 months after they split. I was aware she wasn't fully over what happened so we took it slow and 12 months later here we are in a full time relationship, with no issues.

3 months ago her ex took their son to see his family and she went on and off Facebook pre and Post trip. She told me about this activation and deactivation, but i never questioned it or wondered why.

Now I assume she went on at this time because her ex doesn't do facetime or pics of their son, so she wanted to see him on holiday via, I assume other family members pictures on Facebook. I'm fine with this.

My GF went back onto Facebook 2 weeks ago and lied about the reason, she doesnt know I know she lied. She didn't tell me she had gone back on, i saw her and asked her why. I let it go as at the time I couldn't be sure she was lying. However after a few days of it bugging me, i confirmed said lie which made me question her motive.

She let slip that her ex was away with his family and it clicked.

She went on and off over a weekend whilst he was with his family for a family celebration. A family celebration of someone that isnt important to her. He left his son with my GF so she had no real reason to go on.

Now I'm a little concerned.

So, I have a dilemma as I know if I question her she will deny it. And let's be honest, who's going to admit to checking up on their ex to this extent. It may be a coincidence and this will be tested in future months if it happens again.

I know we are all guilty of checking up on exes but to reactivate and deactivate Facebook for a period of time is a little too much.

Does she still have feelings for him? Is she jealous of the new girl having fun with his family? Is she just being nosey? Am I overthinking it?

I accept it for when he takes their son, but I won't for when it's just him and the other woman.

Basically I'm after advice on how to handle this if it happens again. I didn't say anything as I wanted to see how long she stayed on Facebook for. As she came off when I predicted, I feel I need to potentially discuss is next time it happens and I'm going to assume around Christmas time. Can't wait for that haha.

I know she will deny it, I just don't know what to do when she does as I'll probably be told its all in my head...

Any help is appreciated thanks

Edited 10 hours ago by sarnrt

[sarnrt]

29 minutes ago, sarnrt said:

I've recently worked out (and it could be a massive coincidence) that my girlfriend reactivates her Facebook whilst her ex husband is on holiday at his parents house who live in another part of the country. She deactives it soon after he's back. This has happened twice in the last few months. For the record she is not facebook friends with him, but is with his sister and potentially other members.

 

History: She was.with her ex husband for 6 years, they have a 3 year old son together. He cheated on her and left for another woman. She wanted him to stay and work it out. He declined. Fast forward 2 years and they're now engaged.

I started a casual relationship with my GF about 10 months after they split. I was aware she wasn't fully over what happened so we took it slow and 12 months later here we are in a full time relationship, with no issues.

3 months ago her ex took their son to see his family and she went on and off Facebook pre and Post trip. She told me about this activation and deactivation, but i never questioned it or wondered why.

Now I assume she went on at this time because her ex doesn't do facetime or pics of their son, so she wanted to see him on holiday via, I assume other family members pictures on Facebook. I'm fine with this.

My GF went back onto Facebook 2 weeks ago and lied about the reason, she doesnt know I know she lied. She didn't tell me she had gone back on, i saw her and asked her why. I let it go as at the time I couldn't be sure she was lying. However after a few days of it bugging me, i confirmed said lie which made me question her motive.

She let slip that her ex was away with his family and it clicked.

She went on and off over a weekend whilst he was with his family for a family celebration. A family celebration of someone that isnt important to her. He left his son with my GF so she had no real reason to go on.

Now I'm a little concerned.

So, I have a dilemma as I know if I question her she will deny it. And let's be honest, who's going to admit to checking up on their ex to this extent. It may be a coincidence and this will be tested in future months if it happens again.

I know we are all guilty of checking up on exes but to reactivate and deactivate Facebook for a period of time is a little too much.

Does she still have feelings for him? Is she jealous of the new girl having fun with his family? Is she just being nosey? Am I overthinking it?

I accept it for when he takes their son, but I won't for when it's just him and the other woman.

Basically I'm after advice on how to handle this if it happens again. I didn't say anything as I wanted to see how long she stayed on Facebook for. As she came off when I predicted, I feel I need to potentially discuss is next time it happens and I'm going to assume around Christmas time. Can't wait for that haha.

I know she will deny it, I just don't know what to do when she does as I'll probably be told its all in my head...

Any help is appreciated thanks

When we got together she asked for loyalty, honesty and respect. If I'm honest she's not giving what she expects with this and i dont know what to do.

Edited 10 hours ago by sarnrt

[Gebidozo]

Personally, what would bother me if I were you is the lie, not the fact that she contacted her ex on Facebook.

I don’t think that communication with exes means that there are some romantic feelings present. But a lie would definitely bother me.

I think you should talk to her about that. Tell her you know that she lied. Just don’t be aggressive, don’t accuse her. Let her give you her honest version of what’s going on there.

 

[sarnrt]

14 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Personally, what would bother me if I were you is the lie, not the fact that she contacted her ex on Facebook.

I don’t think that communication with exes means that there are some romantic feelings present. But a lie would definitely bother me.

I think you should talk to her about that. Tell her you know that she lied. Just don’t be aggressive, don’t accuse her. Let her give you her honest version of what’s going on there.

 

Yeah the lie is an issue for me personally but I don't know how to bring it up.

 

She never contacted him, just logged onto Facebook at the same time he was on holiday and logged off when he came back.

[ExpatInItaly]

How do you knonw she is logging on and off? 

 

[sarnrt]

10 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

How do you knonw she is logging on and off? 

 

Because she showed as a friend on my facebook as im still active. She went off on the monday as she was no longer showing as my friend.

 

I saw her on the wedneaday and asked her on the friday. She said she went back on on the thursday for a specific reason. Which obviously wasnt true. This is what made me question things.

Edited 8 hours ago by sarnrt

[flitzanu]

this is not to indicate that i don't believe your story, but this doesn't make any sense.

like, what even is the logical reason for getting on facebook when the ex is on vacation?

she isn't communicating with him?

she isn't doing this any other time, and only doing this when the ex goes on vacation?

what exactly is the motivation here, that she only wants to facebook stalk the ex specifically when he is on vaca?

the only thought i had was that it is an emergency way of contacting each other in the event something happens with the child, but that doesn't even make sense because clearly they communicate about the child in other methods.

[sarnrt]

10 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

this is not to indicate that i don't believe your story, but this doesn't make any sense.

like, what even is the logical reason for getting on facebook when the ex is on vacation?

she isn't communicating with him?

she isn't doing this any other time, and only doing this when the ex goes on vacation?

what exactly is the motivation here, that she only wants to facebook stalk the ex specifically when he is on vaca?

the only thought i had was that it is an emergency way of contacting each other in the event something happens with the child, but that doesn't even make sense because clearly they communicate about the child in other methods.

So in the last 3 months he has been on holiday twice at his familys home which is the othet side of the country.

 

Both times my gf has reactivated her facebook before he goes and deactivates it as soon as he is pretty much back.

The 1st time he took their son, the 2nd time he didnt.

They communicate well and co parent so theres whatsapp for that.

They are not friends on facebook, however she is friends with the family he is visiting with his fiance, the woman that he cheated on her with.

She said she went back on facebook on thursday for a reason that could only have been thursday. However i saw her on my facebook friends feed on the wednesday.

 

It could be a coincidence but its 2 holidays and 2 reactivations pre and post trip. She will deny it anyway but i think shes either being nosey or shes jealous of the fiance having the life she shouldve had.

 

She hasnt been on facebook throughout our time togeyher other than these times 

 

Hope that makes sense

Edited 8 hours ago by sarnrt