Partner is morbidly obese.

[Anonymous]

My partner does not seem to care about his weight at all. He is in his mid 60's, has several health issues like heart and lung.  He eats all of the time. I walk for exercise and people in our area walk also. He seems too just not care at all. 

I feel angry at him all the time because we are in our retirement years and he can't or won't do anything, unless it involves food. 

I have done everything I know what to do. I even talked with a counselor, wondering if it's me being negative and not seeing his issues clearly.

Life is short and I feel I am missing out on so much, being "stuck" here with a 385 pound man.

I know this post might sound awful shallow and cold to some,. but I am at my breaking point.  We have been together for 45 years..

[Trail Blazer]

He wouldn't have woken up one day and been 385 pounds.  At what point did you start to notice his weight gain and did you bring it up many times before it got to this point?

There is nothing shallow about being unhappy with your partner showing a complete lack of disregard for his own health.  It's the attitude which can be more of a turn-off than the physical look.

You've said that you have talked to him, tried everything.  Have you raised the fact that by being on the precipice of so many irreversible health issues, it's going to be you who he will expect to look after him and pick up any slack?

It is really not good enough for someone to be so selfish and not care about their own health, when it doesn’t just affect them.  He needs to understand this.

My only query about him is whether he us suffering from some mental health issues?  It does sound like someone who has given up on life, who has consigned themself to a life of type 2 diabetes and heart disease.

This guy needs to shape up (literally and figuratively) or realise that he might get to battle his impending health catastrophes on his own. 

You only get one life and nobodies should have to be the carer of a selfish person with self-inflicted health issues.

 

[Sanch62]

On 9/30/2025 at 7:35 PM, Anonymous said:

I know this post might sound awful shallow and cold to some,. but I am at my breaking point.  We have been together for 45 years..

Nope, nothing cold or shallow about spending 45 years believing that a partner shares your vision of healthy and active retirement years. I would pow-wow with your counselor and explore any other resources, including financial and legal ones, to envision a Fantasy Plan that you can make as detailed or a vague as you'd like.

The initial goal would be an imaginary safety net that becomes your emotional soul food to sink your mind and heart into, even while researching it builds you a wealth of information and options and ideas for being your own driver of your own retirement, regardless of whether you ultimately opt to stay tethered to a voluntarily sinking ship or to get-the-hell-out and swim.

I would do this now and with urgency, because if you land upon an open door of opportunity to make your great escape, it's best to do that now before any implied burdens can be placed upon you.

Head high, and consider guilt as a wasted emotion when control over circumstances have been deliberately taken away from you. That's not your monkey to manage.

Edited 10 hours ago by Sanch62

[Sanch62]

PS: I'd also consider that leaving might be the kindest and most provocatively helpful thing you can do for this man. If he takes for granted that you'll just stick around to orbit him, you'll give him the gift of a wake-up call. He can do with that as he chooses. If it enlivens him to what he could have with you, maybe he'll make the right efforts to get you back. If not, that's on him, and it only confirms your decision to rescue your Self.