My friends boyfriend says he loves me.

[riversidemf]

For so many years the word on the street was that this guy liked me. He never told me himself, it was always just a rumor. We went to highschool together ( many many years ago) so we had/have the same friends, but we were more like aqentances.

He and my friend started dating. My friend knew he liked me and she told him to stop talking to me so that they could have a fair shot, she informed me of this herself. I guess that was her way of telling me to stop talking to him as well? That was easy because we never talked much anyway, no loss there. That was two years ago and they been together ever since.

Fast forward to today. He messaged me on IG. He said he's been trying to break up with her but is scared to hurt her. He said that he loves me, always had and that he can't help it. That he has tried. He said even in his other serious relationships he wish it was me. He says he feels really bad about the whole thing and that it's not fair to her. Why even tell me this. 

He loves me? I don't even think we ever had a full conversation, so for him to use the love word doesn't make sense. 

Is he trying to use me as a cop out to do his dirty work for him? As a friend, is it my duty to tell her?

[basil67]

I can't speak to his rationale, but at this point you need to block him on all platforms....and I would disclose all of this to your friend.   If you don't tell her what he's really like, then you're not much of a friend.

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, basil67 said:

but at this point you need to block him on all platforms....and I would disclose all of this to your friend.

I agree. 

Take a screenshot of the message he sent you and send it to your friend, OP. She deserves to know and to see it with her own eyes. And I would stay far away from him. He sounds very shady. 

[riversidemf]

People have told her things he's said to them.  For instance, he told someone that he dated her to be closer to me, it's the next best thing. Jokes on him because she and i havent been as close as we use to be. She really loves him so puts up with it. Telling her will just hurt her but nothing will come out of it,  just more hurt.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

Do you like him'? 

[flitzanu]

based on you not wanting to tell his girlfriend it sounds like you like him.

good news is, based on his message to you, it sounds like he'll absolutely have sex with you and cheat on his girlfriend with you under the lie of how miserable he is and how he "can't escape her" even though he willingly started dating her.

[riversidemf]

55 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

based on you not wanting to tell his girlfriend it sounds like you like him.

good news is, based on his message to you, it sounds like he'll absolutely have sex with you and cheat on his girlfriend with you under the lie of how miserable he is and how he "can't escape her" even though he willingly started dating her.

I don't like him in any way shape or form. Never did never will. He doesn't have a chance.

Edited Tuesday at 06:35 PM by riversidemf

[riversidemf]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Do you like him'? 

No. Not in any way.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, riversidemf said:

Telling her will just hurt her but nothing will come out of it,  just more hurt.

Maybe it will open her eyes to see it written in black and white.  Plus you would be showing that you are a faithful and loyal friend.  Have you now blocked him?

[riversidemf]

3 hours ago, stillafool said:

Maybe it will open her eyes to see it written in black and white.  Plus you would be showing that you are a faithful and loyal friend.  Have you now blocked him?

I sent her a screenshot, no reply so far. He's blocked.

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, riversidemf said:

I sent her a screenshot, no reply so far. He's blocked.

Good. She can do whatever she wants with that. 

I am glad you blocked him. He is a creep. 

[Gebidozo]

23 hours ago, riversidemf said:

My friend knew he liked me and she told him to stop talking to me so that they could have a fair shot, she informed me of this herself.

Your friend appears to lack self-respect if she willingly agreed to date a guy who actually liked another woman, and needed to artificially impose a communication barrier to steer him towards herself.

There is no doubt that his behavior is strange and unsettling, but it’s not like he was misleading her, as she knew that he was into you when she began dating him.

 

Edited 20 hours ago by Gebidozo

[riversidemf]

8 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Your friend appears to lack self-respect if she willingly agreed to date a guy who actually liked another woman, and needed to artificially impose a communication barrier to steer him towards herself.

There is no doubt that his behavior is strange and unsettling, but it’s not like he was misleading her, as she knew that he was into you when she began dating him.

 

She doesnt have high self esteem,  shes always taken disrespect from men. He doesn't help with that, he's made inappropriate comments about my body while being with her, that eventually gets back to her. People tell her when he's been wrong, so far she's just been taking it.....and she's the last person that deserves it, she has a big heart, puts everyone before herself, but she let's men walk all over her.

She's never held a grudge against me because of him. But she hasn't messaged me back. 

[Alvi]

On 9/30/2025 at 10:53 AM, riversidemf said:

For instance, he told someone that he dated her to be closer to me, it's the next best thing.

Wow, what a "winner' this guy is.  He is so incredibly immature. Block him everywhere. Oh, I see, that you did. Good for you and keep him blocked.  He is not a good long-term partner material. He is not someone you should think about dating if and when they break up. He is not going to treat you any better than he treats his current gf.