Wedding day magic?

[Gebidozo]

8 hours ago, WorldTraveler said:

But for all I know that could have been a huge lie.

No, I don’t think it was a huge lie.

I think she was genuinely attracted to you. She probably also sincerely wanted to try and see whether this will grow into something bigger, or at least that’s how she was feeling at the moment.

But she cooled off when the distance set in. It turned out to be a passionate, yet short-term romance. That happens all the time. People feel romantic and say big words, then the emotions dissipate and not much is left. Long-term commitment is something else entirely, the feelings have to pass a basic test of time to even consider that.

She could’ve handled it better, of course, telling you straight away that she wasn’t interested anymore instead of ghosting you. I understand how you feel, I can’t stand being ghosted and I used to be enraged whenever that happened. But then some women explained to me that they ghost simply because they can’t bring themselves to say the hurtful words of a breakup. They see ghosting as the least painful way to end things.

You or I can disagree as much as we want to, pointing out that ghosting can hurt more than a direct communication that breaks off things, but the fact is that some people choose that method and there is nothing we can do about it.

Don’t torture yourself trying to understand her reasons or assigning some nefarious motives to her behavior. Just enjoy the memory of this romantic encounter and move on.

[WorldTraveler]

40 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

No, I don’t think it was a huge lie.

I think she was genuinely attracted to you. She probably also sincerely wanted to try and see whether this will grow into something bigger, or at least that’s how she was feeling at the moment.

But she cooled off when the distance set in. It turned out to be a passionate, yet short-term romance. That happens all the time. People feel romantic and say big words, then the emotions dissipate and not much is left. Long-term commitment is something else entirely, the feelings have to pass a basic test of time to even consider that.

She could’ve handled it better, of course, telling you straight away that she wasn’t interested anymore instead of ghosting you. I understand how you feel, I can’t stand being ghosted and I used to be enraged whenever that happened. But then some women explained to me that they ghost simply because they can’t bring themselves to say the hurtful words of a breakup. They see ghosting as the least painful way to end things.

You or I can disagree as much as we want to, pointing out that ghosting can hurt more than a direct communication that breaks off things, but the fact is that some people choose that method and there is nothing we can do about it.

Don’t torture yourself trying to understand her reasons or assigning some nefarious motives to her behavior. Just enjoy the memory of this romantic encounter and move on.

Yes I can agree with that. It just sucks because it feels like one big tease. Almost like the universe is just throwing up the middle finger considering this felt like a truly special connection that comes around rarely maybe a few times in a persons life. But then the big elephant in the room being distance and logistics preventing things. It’s just a shame at the end of the day considering the potential that exists of us being able to end up in the same city if desired. But didn’t even give it a trial run to see if it could take off. 

[basil67]

32 minutes ago, WorldTraveler said:

Yes I can agree with that. It just sucks because it feels like one big tease. Almost like the universe is just throwing up the middle finger considering this felt like a truly special connection that comes around rarely maybe a few times in a persons life. But then the big elephant in the room being distance and logistics preventing things. It’s just a shame at the end of the day considering the potential that exists of us being able to end up in the same city if desired. But didn’t even give it a trial run to see if it could take off. 

May I suggest you re-read this thread?  Particularly the parts where you weren't coping with the distance and all the anxiety around it.  It could never have taken off with your mental health being like this.  

(No judgement from me.  There are things in life I'd like to do, but I know my mental health wouldn't deal well)

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, WorldTraveler said:

Almost like the universe is just throwing up the middle finger considering this felt like a truly special connection that comes around rarely maybe a few times in a persons life.

I wouldn’t see it that way. I think it’s more like the universe sending you a beautiful romantic experience to remember fondly.

It was what it was. I’m not saying that connection wasn’t special, but if it never developed into a long-term relationship then it obviously wasn’t special enough for that.

 

[Sony12]

To be honest it probably isn't that uncommon for young ladies who are taking part in a wedding to have a desire to get a little taste of the 'thrill' that the bride is feeling. I have never hooked up with a lady during a wedding event before but I imagine it isn't terribly uncommon for it to happen.

[Sanch62]

Probably not good for your own head to view this as a rip-off rather than an enlivening experience and a pointer toward possibilities. I also wouldn't view this as her being deceitful.

Have you never experienced a holiday travel bubble? It's a temporary suspension of reality, a focus on pure enjoyment, a feeling that all things are possible and transferable into the future. Then reality hits somewhere between the trip home and needing to address the first bill or chore or undesirable thing that says, "Nice trip, now welcome home..."

[Shehaari]

I feel you on this one @WorldTraveler. I'm sorry things didn't work out.

It can be very disheartning to feel such a strong initial connection with someone - unlike any other before them as you said - for them to ghost you in the end. 

@Gebidozo makes a good point in explaining how some people find ghosting easier to deal with for themselves, as opposed to having to explain and/or ending up hurting someone else's feelings. I think people like us consider communication, rather than ghosting to be common decency, because that's what we'd do if the roles were reversed. 

I hope the woman you're meant to be with makes it a priority to help ease your anxiety, not add to it. Don't stop believing that everything happens for a reason.