Wedding day magic?

[WorldTraveler]

I've been told that everything happens for a reason and I question if what I experienced over the weekend was one of those situations... I had a friend's wedding to attend over the weekend but made the mistake of buying tickets to a sporting event that I really wanted to see that same night without realizing the conflicting dates until the day before the wedding. Well the day of the wedding came and I was fully prepared to leave the wedding early if I had to considering the price I paid for the tickets. Shortly after getting there with my parents, I started mingling with other guests when I saw my mother talking to some of the bridal party that she knew. Well one of the people she was introduced to happened to be this beautiful woman who was the maid of honor. During dinner, my mom pulled me aside where she told me what the maid of honor said to her. A comment to the tune of " your son is gorgeous and it looks like you did a great job raising him, I would go on a date with him if I could". As the night progressed drinks and dancing began. After being encouraged by half of the guests at the wedding, I approached her and we started talking for a while where things immediately clicked. It felt effortless and I had zero nerves whatsoever and this was before the liquid courage mind you. I had numerous people - some who I had never even met before tell me how much this woman was into me and kept pushing me to dance with her. So I did and we spent the rest of the wedding together flirting and even spent an intimate moment slow dancing. As the night progressed it turned into more flirting and exchanging kisses before finally going home together ultimately leading to sex. 

Well the following morning after learning she was going to be in town for the next few days, I texted her to see if she would want to grab dinner and drinks so we could chat more as I didn't want it to feel like just a ONS. Long story short, she was agreeable and we went on dates the following two nights and even spent both nights together before she had to leave town. The entire weekend she and I were incredibly flirty and touchy the whole time getting encouragement from her family and friends after they learned we had been spending time together. Her mom and siblings both gave their own approval and jokingly said "you better get his number and marry this man" because everyone kept noticing how well we were clicking. It truly felt like we had been dating for years considering how natural and effortless everything felt despite just meeting. What amazed me the most was how different this felt from past women. It was so easy and when we went out on our two dates, she was the only woman I would notice in the room. Prior to her, I spent two months trying to figure out if I liked a girl I was dating, whereas with this woman, I knew there were feelings after just three days together. We share the same beliefs, religion, career fields and want the same for our futures and saw very quickly that a lot aligned.

Now for the dilemma.... she lives on the opposite coast as me but has family in my hometown who has been trying to convince her to move home. Ironically both she and I are looking to move cities but not sure where to at this point so we'd pretty much be starting long distance immediately without any kind of basis or established relationship. I think we both realize the challenges this presents as well as the uncertainties. However, as the weekend came to an end, very naturally we had a discussion on what the plan was moving forward. She told me how she thought she wouldn't hear from me again after the wedding, but was excited when I asked her out for dates. Obviously we both knew it sounded crazy to claim exclusivity after just three days together and didn't feel it was right to establish any boundaries at this point. We are both over thinkers however and we agreed to just take it day by day and see what evolves prioritizing full transparency and communication given this unique situation. I told her that if at some point she wanted to establish any kind of loose boundaries to ease any overthinking I'd be open to it. To which she said how she felt like it would probably occur naturally and when it comes up she would be happy to discuss it further if desired. Now obviously I'm not going to get ahead of myself and plan on waiting for some of the emotions to settle, but man what a weekend. It was truly a refreshing experience and would never have happened if the event I had tickets to wasn't cancelled. We haven't made plans for any visits yet but I'd assume that's a very real possibility. It almost feels like it'd be a waste to not at least explore things and at least give it some kind of chance by visiting each other while keeping expectations low considering this interaction we shared.

While I plan to give it some time to allow for reflection and maneuvering of feelings and emotions, I'd be curious if anyone had a similar experience or tips on the best approach for this situation moving forward. Thank you.

 

Edited September 30 by WorldTraveler

[basil67]

I don't think it's crazy to be exclusive after three dates.  In the olden days, we only ever dated one person at a time (or at least, this is how it was in Australia).    There's absolutely nothing wrong with stopping dating others if we want to focus on something which is looking good.   And I think your plan of exploring options while being aware that it's still early days is perfect.

I wish you all the best!

[Sony12]

Yeah you really just have to see how things progress. Things could work out and at the same time they couldn't. Just stay in touch and see what direction your lives take you from here.

Do you two have much freedom from your families or are most of your social activities surrounded by family? Just curious because where I come from where many kids are living on their own by their late teens and early twenties they act like you and this gal did when they are on their own. But when they are around family they usually keep things much more subdued and don't have weekend flings when family is around.

[Els]

Long distance is difficult but very doable, especially if both of you are considering moving in the near future. If things go well, perhaps you could each make a list of places you'd like to live in (and can feasibly do so without career/visa issues), and see if there's overlaps?

 

[smackie9]

Sounds like you both will be flexible in the future as to where you are going to live, etc. If you want it bad enough, it will happen. 

[WorldTraveler]

8 hours ago, Els said:

Long distance is difficult but very doable, especially if both of you are considering moving in the near future. If things go well, perhaps you could each make a list of places you'd like to live in (and can feasibly do so without career/visa issues), and see if there's overlaps?

 

Anything to maintain the feelings and emotions of this weekend? I’m afraid of things going stale or dying before I see her next if all we’re doing is texting daily.

[Sony12]

39 minutes ago, WorldTraveler said:

Anything to maintain the feelings and emotions of this weekend? I’m afraid of things going stale or dying before I see her next if all we’re doing is texting daily.

One thing to keep in mind is that if she was willing to sleep with you that quickly chances are she has done something like that before in the past. Not saying it's wrong to do that but it does likely mean she either has other options right now or it wouldn't take her that long to find other options.

It probably is premature to make a big g deal of it now but the longer you two continue to talk and agree to meet up the better the chances will be that it could turn into something more serious.

[Interstellar]

Sounds like one of those situations where the stars aligned but it would’ve been better if you live closer. What are your ages? 
And what do you mean by establishing loose boundaries? like an open relationship? I wouldn’t have brought that up. 
 

Texting daily will definitely get old. Just cut down the frequency slowly, week by week. 2-3 times a week or a videochat. I had one of those daily texting relationships from back then and yeah, nothing came of it. I’d continue dating other women because the odds of a long distance relationship working out are not good.

 

 

 

[WorldTraveler]

35 minutes ago, Interstellar said:

Sounds like one of those situations where the stars aligned but it would’ve been better if you live closer. What are your ages? 
And what do you mean by establishing loose boundaries? like an open relationship? I wouldn’t have brought that up. 
 

Texting daily will definitely get old. Just cut down the frequency slowly, week by week. 2-3 times a week or a videochat. I had one of those daily texting relationships from back then and yeah, nothing came of it. I’d continue dating other women because the odds of a long distance relationship working out are not good.

 

 

 

Yeah it definitely felt like that. We are 29 and 31 both just tired of the dating pool looking to find some commitment. 

[Sanch62]

Conrats! How lovely. I think your choices will present themselves as you go, but the one thing I'd avoid doing is moving in together to close the distance gap. I'd live near one another and learn how well dating goes while you're in reasonable proximity. Going straight for a shared lease would put too much pressure on both of you, and it could pop that romance bubble prematurely.

EnjOy! I hope you'll revisit and let us know how things go.

[Lotsgoingon]

Don't decide on moving right now. I would say just visit each other. And do the long-distance thing for a while. See how things are and a move to the same locale might just naturally evolve.

And you can talk/face time every day or so ... and you'll learn a lot about each other, a shocking amount even during the long-distance period. 

At some point you will come out of this honeymoon phase. I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news, but even couples with fantastic and quick chemistry come out of the honeymoon phase. Long distance will help you guys see if you really can cooperate and negotiate and work with each other in the real world. You know, the world where one of you is tired and grumpy after a long flight,  or one of you is sick or one of you is having real stress at their job. You don't get a pass on those challenges just because you had powerful chemistry early on. 

 

 

[Els]

21 hours ago, WorldTraveler said:

Anything to maintain the feelings and emotions of this weekend? I’m afraid of things going stale or dying before I see her next if all we’re doing is texting daily.

Don't try to force it IMO. Just text and talk on the phone naturally, and keep an open mind. If it's meant to be, you'll both naturally feel like it's worth waiting for. And if either of you doesn't, then it wasn't really meant to be.

Edited October 1 by Els

[WorldTraveler]

On 10/1/2025 at 10:13 AM, Lotsgoingon said:

Don't decide on moving right now. I would say just visit each other. And do the long-distance thing for a while. See how things are and a move to the same locale might just naturally evolve.

And you can talk/face time every day or so ... and you'll learn a lot about each other, a shocking amount even during the long-distance period. 

At some point you will come out of this honeymoon phase. I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news, but even couples with fantastic and quick chemistry come out of the honeymoon phase. Long distance will help you guys see if you really can cooperate and negotiate and work with each other in the real world. You know, the world where one of you is tired and grumpy after a long flight,  or one of you is sick or one of you is having real stress at their job. You don't get a pass on those challenges just because you had powerful chemistry early on. 

 

 

As an anxious attachment style I've found my anxiety to be through the roof this last week. Over analyzing every text or worried when she goes a day without texting. All the "what if's" start popping up and I find my emotions driven by when/how she responds to my texts. Probably largely due to the fact that it feels like I'm now lacking control. Anyway to manage these feelings so I don't tank my mental health?

Edited October 3 by WorldTraveler

[Gaeta]

On 9/30/2025 at 4:58 PM, WorldTraveler said:

Anything to maintain the feelings and emotions of this weekend? I’m afraid of things going stale or dying before I see her next if all we’re doing is texting daily.

First you establish exclusivity. If you don't and both of you date around then this will fade away.  You keep it alive by making plans to see each other. Video call instead of texting. 

[Sanch62]

1 hour ago, WorldTraveler said:

... it feels like I'm now lacking control. Anyway to manage these feelings so I don't tank my mental health?

None of us own actual control over anyone or anything external in our lives, only our internal voices and our behaviors.

Some people may decide that they cannot ride in a car because they can't control oncoming traffic. We each decide our own limits. I'd suggest replacing the word "can't" with "won't" for accuracy in any sentence that involves a choice in managing our own self-talk, or otherwise seeking professional help if "can't" ever becomes the more accurate term.

We all need to trust in others or our own capabilities to avoid tanking ourselves, and we are each in control of our choices to do that, or not. There are tools and techniques to manage anxiety posted all over the Internet, and there are also professionals available who are trained to help people with this.

Which of these have you explored and tested for yourself?

[WorldTraveler]

8 minutes ago, Sanch62 said:

None of us own actual control over anyone or anything external in our lives, only our internal voices and our behaviors.

Some people may decide that they cannot ride in a car because they can't control oncoming traffic. We each decide our own limits. I'd suggest replacing the word "can't" with "won't" for accuracy in any sentence that involves a choice in managing our own self-talk, or otherwise seeking professional help if "can't" ever becomes the more accurate term.

We all need to trust in others or our own capabilities to avoid tanking ourselves, and we are each in control of our choices to do that, or not. There are tools and techniques to manage anxiety posted all over the Internet, and there are also professionals available who are trained to help people with this.

Which of these have you explored and tested for yourself?

I have seen a therapist in the past but didn't feel like I made much progress. And to be honest my anxiety has been pretty well controlled up until this last week after she left. It's like I feel because it was such a special experience and that the connection is so rare that I have to do whatever I can to preserve it or risk never finding something similar. And its made worse with the distance and lack of physicality causing me to create scenarios driven by negative self talk based on how/when she communicates to me. I think if we had been dating for some time before the distance I wouldn't be as anxious but I have no basis to go off of for reassurance during those times I start to panic.

[Sanch62]

Just now, WorldTraveler said:

I have seen a therapist in the past but didn't feel like I made much progress. And to be honest my anxiety has been pretty well controlled up until this last week after she left. It's like I feel because it was such a special experience and that the connection is so rare that I have to do whatever I can to preserve it or risk never finding something similar. And its made worse with the distance and lack of physicality causing me to create scenarios driven by negative self talk based on how/when she communicates to me. I think if we had been dating for some time before the distance I wouldn't be as anxious but I have no basis to go off of for reassurance during those times I start to panic.

Creating "if only..." scenarios that might have alleviated drilling into negative self-talk isn't useful because those scenarios aren't true. So this won't help, have you noticed?

If you didn't work well with your last therapist, there's no time like the present to find another who specializes in anxiety. Meanwhile, what kind of research have you done to find online tools and techniques to address this problem, and which ones have you tried using?

[WorldTraveler]

On 9/30/2025 at 5:51 PM, Sanch62 said:

Conrats! How lovely. I think your choices will present themselves as you go, but the one thing I'd avoid doing is moving in together to close the distance gap. I'd live near one another and learn how well dating goes while you're in reasonable proximity. Going straight for a shared lease would put too much pressure on both of you, and it could pop that romance bubble prematurely.

EnjOy! I hope you'll revisit and let us know how things go.

Well that was a short but disappointing two weeks. After about the first week of her departure texting started becoming more scarce which I was fine with. But then she stopped replying all together. I was told by my friend how much she would love it if I sent her flowers, so I did. Nothing extravagant or super romantic just something cute to let her know I was thinking of her and how I hoped to see her again. She reached out thanking me for them and saying how sweet I was to do such a thing. That was the last I heard from her. At that point, I was waiting to see if she would reach out to me and follow up but she never did. So after a week off radio silence, I finally reached back out to her to let her know that due to a work trip I'll be in her city in the coming weeks and would love to meet up and see what things are feeling like. She didn't even acknowledge that message and left me on read instead. I'm not stupid and can read the room and realize that no answer is an answer. But certainly can't help but feel confused. I acknowledge that it was a short period of time we spent together so I'm not heartbroken, but certainly feel like its a waste on her part to not at least pursue a visit while I'm there. I've been racking my head trying to avoid all the what if scenarios that could have led to this, but I get no where and just end up more confused. She was the one that suggested we take it day by day and be "honest and upfront with our feelings". I was agreeable but now instead of being "honest and upfront" she has chosen to pull a 180 and give the cold shoulder instead. I can respect that feelings change and maybe after the emotions settled she felt that distance was too much. That's fine, but why not communicate that rather than make a guy wonder?  

[basil67]

56 minutes ago, WorldTraveler said:

but certainly feel like its a waste on her part to not at least pursue a visit while I'm there.

Kindly, if she does have you visit her even though she doesn't really want it, then it's a waste of both your times

I'm sorry it didn't work out.

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, WorldTraveler said:

Well that was a short but disappointing two weeks. After about the first week of her departure texting started becoming more scarce which I was fine with. But then she stopped replying all together. I was told by my friend how much she would love it if I sent her flowers, so I did. Nothing extravagant or super romantic just something cute to let her know I was thinking of her and how I hoped to see her again. She reached out thanking me for them and saying how sweet I was to do such a thing. That was the last I heard from her. At that point, I was waiting to see if she would reach out to me and follow up but she never did. So after a week off radio silence, I finally reached back out to her to let her know that due to a work trip I'll be in her city in the coming weeks and would love to meet up and see what things are feeling like. She didn't even acknowledge that message and left me on read instead. I'm not stupid and can read the room and realize that no answer is an answer. But certainly can't help but feel confused. I acknowledge that it was a short period of time we spent together so I'm not heartbroken, but certainly feel like its a waste on her part to not at least pursue a visit while I'm there. I've been racking my head trying to avoid all the what if scenarios that could have led to this, but I get no where and just end up more confused. She was the one that suggested we take it day by day and be "honest and upfront with our feelings". I was agreeable but now instead of being "honest and upfront" she has chosen to pull a 180 and give the cold shoulder instead. I can respect that feelings change and maybe after the emotions settled she felt that distance was too much. That's fine, but why not communicate that rather than make a guy wonder?  

Yeah sorry it didn't end how you wanted it to but nothing to feel bad about. You still had a good time. It can be tempting to make a big deal about these instant chemistry situations. However it's good to keep in mind that most people who have sex this quickly usually aren't new to the experience. What you two had was essentially a weekend fling and to be honest this probably wasn't the first time she has done something like this. She was being relatively forward during your few days together and usually people become comfortable being that forward through having those kinds of experiences already. 

Nothing wrong at all with doing what you did. But it's best to keep expectations in check when you do do it.

Edited October 14 by Sony12

[WorldTraveler]

30 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Yeah sorry it didn't end how you wanted it to but nothing to feel bad about. You still had a good time. It can be tempting to make a big deal about these instant chemistry situations. However it's good to keep in mind that most people who have sex this quickly usually aren't new to the experience. What you two had was essentially a weekend fling and to be honest this probably wasn't the first time she has done something like this. She was being relatively forward during your few days together and usually people become comfortable being that forward through having those kinds of experiences already. 

Nothing wrong at all with doing what you did. But it's best to keep expectations in check when you do do it.

I made sure to have low expectations to begin with for this exact reason but it still irks me that people can’t just communicate. Especially when they were the one to propose transparency and communication… oh well

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, WorldTraveler said:

I made sure to have low expectations to begin with for this exact reason but it still irks me that people can’t just communicate. Especially when they were the one to propose transparency and communication… oh well

I hear ya. And to be honest if it does irritate you that much it's probably better then for you to not get physically involved with someone that quickly. It is entirely possible that she has a boyfriend or a guy that she likes there where she lives. She was away from home and probably felt free to act a little crazy when she was at the wedding. But once she got back home she began focusing on her real life again. And her real life didn't involve you.

So if you are a little sensitive towards people just viewing you as a fling then it's best for you to not have sex right off the bat. Wait to have sex with them until you two have gotten to know each other a little better.

Edited October 14 by Sony12

[Els]

14 hours ago, WorldTraveler said:

So after a week off radio silence

Massive red flag here. IMO, there's nothing worth saving here, she has simply decided to ghost you. Going to visit her anyway would just be a waste of time and money.

My husband and I were in a LDR for 2 years, a long time ago (been together for 17 years). My memory of those days is a bit foggy, but I don't think we ever went more than 24 hours without hearing from each other. And that was in the pre-smartphone era - we had to pay international SMS fees unless we were both at our computers!

Edited October 14 by Els

[WorldTraveler]

1 minute ago, Els said:

Massive red flag here. IMO, there's nothing worth saving here, she has simply decided to ghost you. Going to visit her anyway would just be a waste of time and money.

My husband and I were in a LDR for 2 years, a long time ago (been together for 17 years). During that time, I don't think we ever went more than 24 hours without hearing from each other.

I figured that since it’s much easier to ghost when distance is involved. But for her to do a complete 180 from her actions in person a week prior is hard to wrap my head around. In person she was super emotional and affectionate. Initiating touch and made me feel like we had been dating for years. Again I kept expectations low for this reason but just when she was the one suggesting to take it slow and telling me she was eager to let things unfold naturally while maintaining honest communication it sounded promising. But for all I know that could have been a huge lie. At the end of the day I realize and have accepted I won’t get closure or answers I’m looking for but it still sucks.

[Sony12]

10 minutes ago, WorldTraveler said:

I figured that since it’s much easier to ghost when distance is involved. But for her to do a complete 180 from her actions in person a week prior is hard to wrap my head around. In person she was super emotional and affectionate. Initiating touch and made me feel like we had been dating for years. Again I kept expectations low for this reason but just when she was the one suggesting to take it slow and telling me she was eager to let things unfold naturally while maintaining honest communication it sounded promising. But for all I know that could have been a huge lie. At the end of the day I realize and have accepted I won’t get closure or answers I’m looking for but it still sucks.

Most people who have sex that early become good at telling people what they think that person wants to hear. What she was saying likely wasn't what she was actually thinking. She just wanted to say what she thought you would enjoy hearing.

 

Make no mistake she likely did enjoy being with you as if she didn't she wouldn't have had sex with you. But a lot of that talk about keeping it going after you two parted ways was likely her just trying to put a smile on your face.