I broke up with her - I feel bad tho

[LuzArroz]

I am M 29, she is F 31

For contest, she is latina, and she has been living in my country since 1 year and half, she doesn't talk perfecly my language, we communicated in spanish as i can speak it a bit.

We dated for 2 months, things started good, she seemsed to enjoy my company i did as well. The only little problema was her lack of independence, not like she can't walk or else ofc, but she doesn't have driving license, and she doesn't have much money to spend. At the start I do not care much, i don't think she was after my money anyway, and it's not like we had lobsted for dinner lol, the main problem for was mostly the driving thing.. i do not really like driving for long and if i take her for a spot close to my town, the drive time that normally would be 10 minutes, it became 1 hour. But yet, not a big problem, until i kinda get she doesn't even will to get on a train for once as she doesn't understand well how it works here and plus the langues problem.

We argued sometimes, and I noticed she's not the type of person who likes to communicate; she would keep a grudge and stay silent.. But anyway, last friday I wanted to go to a festival close to my town, but a friend of her was having a birthday party so we had dinner, then we went to this birthday party, and after that we went to a club with the others for the rest of the night.I wasn't happy that night already. Not because I didn't go to the festival, but because I wanted to grab a cappuccino from McDonald's (which was close to the club), but she didn't want me to. She said we would be wasting time and that I'd already had coffee (fair enough). After the club, we went to the McDonald's anyway. I got a McFlurry and bought a Happy Meal for her, but when I went to pay, she started a little tantrum because she wanted her own McFlurry and didn't want a bite of mine. So, the cashier had to redo the bill... I might have said something wrong, but it just slipped out. I told her that she'd had her dinner, drinks, and McDonald's all paid for that night, so couldn't she be happy with that, even without the extra ice cream?

She was offended of course and she asked me if I meant she was expensive. Of course I didn't mean that, but I was growing a bit uncomfortable with her tantrums.. but she seems a loyal girl, and she was close to her period, so I washed the thing out.

The next night we went to the festival, and my friends were there too. The festival has like open clubs with different kinds of music, and they're close enough to each other. When we wanted to move to another club, different from the one she wanted to stay in (because she wanted to stay where the Latin music was, but we weren't leaving for good, just trying another area); her mood went down, and she asked me, "Did you come out with them or with me?" I was a bit hurt by that and I said I was there with everyone, but she didn't like the choice. She walked away calling her aunt, then disappeared for thirty minutes. When I messaged her asking where she was, she responded that she was close, but she wanted to go home... she didn't told me why but i could tell... so, 50 more minutes of driving after we had been there for not even an hour.

I wasn't angry, sad, or anything like that... I just thought, "I don't like this, and I don't want this anymore." As I drove her home, we didn't talk at all. Once we were at her door, I told her that for me, things weren't working out, that I was sorry, and not much else because she said "okay" in a bothered tone and went inside. I then messaged her, saying it wasn't fair to her either, but she said she was fine, and that she didn't care about wasting almost 3 months with someone who doesn't know what they want, like she did with another guy with whom she wasted a year. After I wished her good luck with everything and said I really enjoyed the time we spent together, she told me I need to grow up... and that was it.

I know I'm an a**h***, and that maybe I really preferred my friends over her at the festival, and she might have felt left out. That's not what I was aiming for; I just wanted a night of fun with everyone, like we used to have. I feel bad because I didn't even talk to her about these thoughts of mine, but from the few experiences, I could tell that talking about it wouldn't have done much since she always seemed to get offended if I wanted to discuss things I didn't like.. but i could try at least.. but I am not really sure I would have continued much this relationship anyway.

 

I am sorry, I didn't mean to write all this much, but I needed to vent a little

[S2B]

I think you did the right thing.

when any relationship is so lopsided it feels like one is using the other.

you weren’t wrong to point out she seemed ungrateful at McDonalds.

if she wants something… SHE should earn her money and pay for it!

a relationship that feels balanced will seem effortless - for the most part.

she may be an opportunist. Willing to take whatever your willing to give and give.

where did you meet? Does she work? Where does she live and how does she pay rent?

[MsJayne]

It's very hard to have a healthy relationship with someone who, for whatever reason, doesn't contribute much. Being cute isn't a contribution and eventually people who take, take, take and give very little back wear pretty thin. You did the right thing, you were at the 3 month mark and that's usually about the time where people in new relationships start to show their true colours. Your Latina girl was looking for someone to take care of her, including baby-sitting her in social situations. If you walked into a party and dumped her at the door that would make you an a**h**e, but if you were just enjoying yourself and talking to different people then she was out of line accusing you of being inattentive. As for her getting huffy over a McDonald's meal, maybe she should buy her own McFlurry. She's the one who needs to grow up. 

[Gebidozo]

5 hours ago, LuzArroz said:

I know I'm an a**h***

Not at all.

You broke up with an immature, selfish, materialistically minded partner. That was clearly the right thing to do.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

There was essentially no chance this was going to last anyway, OP. 

You are two very different people with two very different maturity levels. You have incompatible mindsets and expectations.  You did the right hting ending it, as it was clearly not going to work. 

[LuzArroz]

 

 

[LuzArroz]

Thanks anyone for your responses:

21 hours ago, S2B said:

 

where did you meet? Does she work? Where does she live and how does she pay rent?

We met at a jazz music festival in my region (I talk a lot about music festival, though I am not that big fan haha), classic "a friend of a friend" situation. She does work now, she works at the university canteen, so in the summer she wasn't working. She lives with her mother, her older sister and her niece, pretty hard family situation.. I was not judging some of her moods as her sister is not nice to her.. but it's her personal stuff, I wouldn't like to talk about it much. 

 

19 hours ago, MsJayne said:

It's very hard to have a healthy relationship with someone who, for whatever reason, doesn't contribute much. Being cute isn't a contribution and eventually people who take, take, take and give very little back wear pretty thin. You did the right thing, you were at the 3 month mark and that's usually about the time where people in new relationships start to show their true colours. Your Latina girl was looking for someone to take care of her, including baby-sitting her in social situations. If you walked into a party and dumped her at the door that would make you an a**h**e, but if you were just enjoying yourself and talking to different people then she was out of line accusing you of being inattentive. As for her getting huffy over a McDonald's meal, maybe she should buy her own McFlurry. She's the one who needs to grow up. 

 

I want to mention that she always thanked me for the stuff.. and once she paid me a lunch. it always felt more like she genuinely couldn't pay much.. but I have to say that, indeed, it was not simple as I noticed that I never had so few money in my card like I was having after meeting her.

Her making tantrums over things always turned me off tho.. now that i think about it, it happened other times, 2 major events coming in mind

[S2B]

Just know you are done with her.

she can go use someone else to buy her things.

IF she wanted to change her situation she could!

she could work three jobs and support herself living on her own. People do that when they want to do more to help themselves!

she just wants someone else to help her.

do counseling to u seats d why you feel bad for her. It’s not healthy for you to feel bad for her using you!