Trying to Reconcile

[jdesey]

Basically after over 5 years apart I decided to reach out last year and attempt to reconnect. She is the love of my life and the "one that got away"... for context I am 58 and she is 56...

Anyway, after a long time of no messages, she sends me an email today. She says she is not ready to talk, but she is getting there. I guess just getting a message is progress? really looking for the female perspective on this.

[introverted1]

I think we need more info.  What happened in your relationship that led to her "getting away"?  Why is she "not ready to talk"? 

[introverted1]

ETA: Is it this woman?

That was nearly 2 years ago and you'd already been broken up for 6 years!  You don't mention there what went down except to say that you could never give her what she wanted and that you borrowed money, but given the amount of time that has passed, my intuition says it is done.

A better question might be why, 8 years later, you haven't moved on?

[jdesey]

Yes.. I ended up paying her back last year what I owed her. I promise I have tried to move on.  Like I say, she is the love of my life

[ExpatInItaly]

46 minutes ago, jdesey said:

really looking for the female perspective on this.

Woman here, but this isn't about female perspective. 

Why did you two split in the first place? 

[jdesey]

basically I failed to take care of her when my business failed. She could not feel secure and safe in that situaiton.

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, jdesey said:

basically I failed to take care of her when my business failed. She could not feel secure and safe in that situaiton.

What does this mean, exactly? 

[jdesey]

15 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What does this mean, exactly? 

I was the primary bread winner.. when I failed financially it all fell apart

[Els]

Oh my lord the last thread about you wanting to reconcile was almost 2 years ago...

OP, for your own sake please try to move on. The vast majority of long term relationships that broke up 5 years ago don't ever reconcile, especially when they break up with the kind of animosity that you describe. 

Are you seeing a therapist at all for this? There are strategies to help you move on. You are 56, you don't have that many years left. Don't waste them on a woman who clearly wants nothing to do with you. 

[basil67]

3 hours ago, jdesey said:

I guess just getting a message is progress? really looking for the female perspective on this.

If you're wanting to rekindle a relationship, this is not progress.  It just means she detests you a tiny bit less.   And detesting you less is one step forward to indifference

Edited Thursday at 08:52 PM by basil67

[glows]

She probably feels sorry for you but isn’t in love with you. And she doesn’t want to talk to you because it’s just icky and doesn’t feel good, doesn’t bring back any good memories. Sorry to say this. Forgive yourself for what happened since you paid back the debt etc and don’t keep begging someone for attention. Not cool. Also people make mistakes and you atoned for it and part of that is moving on not reliving the past. 

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, jdesey said:

I was the primary bread winner.. when I failed financially it all fell apart

I see. 

I don't thnk this woman has any intnetion of rekindling with you. It's been years and she barely wants to talk to you. You need to let her go forever. 

[BaileyB]

17 hours ago, jdesey said:

I was the primary bread winner.. when I failed financially it all fell apart

What was her responsibility in the situation? If my partner failed in his business, I would work very hard to pick up the slack while he found his footing again…. 

That said, after all this time and considering that she is not yet ready to talk - I would assume that she is not interested in reconnecting. At some point, you will need to let go and move forward with your life…

Best wishes. 

[smackie9]

A woman's perspective: leave her alone...please move on. I myself had exes contact me after 5 years, etc. Not welcomed at all. Hell I had an ex from 40 years ago send me a friend request recently...Delete/block. 

[LoveAndPassports]

Why are you reaching out now and not before?