hurtandlonely Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 Hi, I was wondering if anyone could offer advice on my situation to hopefully give me insight as to whether I am being irrational. The guy I am seeing was married for 15 years, he openly admitted to me that he cheated on his wife for two and a half years with a woman he worked with. When she was going to leave her husband for him he called it off and worked it out with his wife for his kids. I know he didn't have to tell me this and I really do appreciate his honesty that is why I didn't get upset when he told me. I don't want to scare him off for telling me what really did happen in his past. I know his wife cheated on him constantly also, she was always gone, and expected him to take care of the kids while she was out all the time. She even slept with his best friend in there own bedroom with him in the next room. I have just heard from many people how someones past can sometimes reflect what they will do or how they will act in the future. However, he does show me affection which he never did with her. He also doesn't go out all the time as he did with her. This could come from him being older but I feel he also I guess regrets his actions. I would really appreciate other peoples opinions in a friendly manner. Thanks for reading!
Barby Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 I don't think it's fair to compare your relationship and the likelyhood of it's success based on his past marriage. Honestly it isn't fair to you,him, or ya'll. Only keep your eyes open a bit more and don't ever come across as though you judge him for his past. He may or maynot regret cheating on his ex-wife. BUT that was HER not you. You haven't treated him the way she has, haven't had the same probs, ect, ect. I think you'll be okay if you give it a fair chance based on current actions not past ones.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 Take things slowly, and try to find out if he has changed any of the things within himself that may have caused the problems in the marriage. Yes, some of the things he did caused the problems whether or not he wants to believe it. If he doesn't believe it and blames it all on his exwife then you need to run for the hills. I think the fact that he admitted to cheating shows character but you still should be cautious.
clandestinidad Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 However, he does show me affection which he never did with her. He also doesn't go out all the time as he did with her I'm curious how you got that information. Did HE tell you that he does that with you, but never did with her?
Author hurtandlonely Posted January 16, 2006 Author Posted January 16, 2006 Thanks to you both for your helpful advice. I do believe that he has changed a lot of the things that caused his marriage to fail. I guess my own insecurities kind of make this "nightmare" in my head that because he cheated on her he will me too. For example he never would talk to his wife about problems, he told me that they went 8 days without talking once. He does at least sit down and try to talk our problems out. So I know for him that is a lot. He also would never tell his wife he loved her but he does me. I just have to find a way to put what he did before behind me. I just don't want to walk into this being a fool if he is going to do me the same way.
Barby Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 Granted he won't tell you the WHOLE truth, yes there are two sides to every story and I do agree as I said before (at least I think I did) be careful, don't take it all at face-value but at the same time don't jump to all the wrongs conclusions just cuz some have had bad experiences.
Author hurtandlonely Posted January 16, 2006 Author Posted January 16, 2006 Kat23 to answer your question....he did tell me this, so did his friends, coworkers, and her also.
Author hurtandlonely Posted January 16, 2006 Author Posted January 16, 2006 Barby I do agree completely with that. I have many trust issues so when he told me that I was surprised that he never dogged her once. I saw the letters she had wrote him when she left about how he wouldn't talk to her, touch her, or tell her he loved her...and how she had tried for years to deal with it but finally she got tired of pushing him and thats why she cheated. I guess I wouldn't have really believed him as much as I do had I not actually seen the letters.
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